It doesnt end here...

My new place.......... marzuki210.blogspot.com

My own...

Ive finally decided to end it.

I'll be making myself disappear once more.

Years have passed. So many memories. Many more to come.

I turn twenty and i wish that i can find someone i can share my stories with.

Big bikes

Have always said im only interested in bikes as a form of transport but i just dont know why im slowly lookin at Valentino Rossi's videos and big bikes. My men forsaw this. I insisted it will never happen. But i have a slight feeling it might.

October will be a month of leaves and offs. And parade. And November will be the end. And the start of a new beginning.

Gotta start setting goals. Must admit it's hard juggling family, work, friends and interest at the same time. And next year there's school. Hopefully i can think of something.

Looking forward to it!

i was on the train heading towards city hall. Entered a man with a back pack and a luggage. He was alone. He looked foreign. Somehow till the moment he alighted the train, i felt very very afraid.


Perhaps it's because i hardly take the train these days. But then again, are the security checks at our stations really that effective?

Long silence...

Here's an update.....

Im well and alive. Waiting for 77 days to pass by. The day i'll be free from the routine of army. Waiting for the short break i really need and then start working in what they call the real world.

Currently just killing time looking for possible jobs after i ord. Reading books. TRYING to understand how the market works, but it just seems so so complex.

And i enrolled for class 2b a month back. Took my first prac on the 23rd of july.... and right now, am waiting for my 2nd part of lesson 6 on the 2nd of sept. Hope i could get an earlier date through last minute cancellations. Initially i thought of getting my licence in time for my 20th birthday but seems like im gonna miss that target.

Haha.... i noe ive never shown any interest in bikes in any of my entries. Its a new found liking.
Was thinking more along the line of long term transport mode when i start to work after ORD. And after which i would most probably be going to school.

Hope u guys are doing well in whatever ure doing. Catch up with ya some time soon. Till next time.

wonder

was talking to my mum. heard her talk.

and i know why my dad got very very angry whenever my mama complains to him about our conduct. Initially i thought he was just over reacting. Something that's just uncalled for.

But today, i realise it's not. Now in his shoes, i too feel angry and disappointed when she tells me what ive been missin the past five days...

Well, sometimes no matter how hard you try to bring up your kids properly, they still turn out to be as though their parents didnt raise them well. Is it fair to let parents take the blame?

You can't control who they hang out with. Their friends. Bad influence.

No wonder my dad did when he was around. I finally understood why.

Just thinking......

It's just nice to just write what i feel like writing.

It's even nicer looking back and reading what i had written.



Makes me smile when i simply cannot believe that it was actually me who wrote it.
Makes me wonder why i even bothered writing about it.

I may read what i wrote yesterday today and find that it's really stupid of me to write what i wrote.

But i know im not writing for today, or tomorrow. Im not writing for you. Im just writing for myself. The me of the future. Yes i know you're reading this. Hope you turn out to be a somebody..... ali........marzuki.....


And i was just thinking.... Did you eventually get a Phantom or a sports bike?

nano

yes seems like everyone's got a nano. A couple of guys in camp have the 30G one that can store movies in it. Of course it would be lovely to have one. But never in a million years would i get one. Coz we cant afford to. How much does it cost? Google says $350 for a 4g one.

$350can get u alot. Small things like bowling once a month with nizar for the next 4 years instead of the once in a blue moon act ive been doing all this while. Can subsidize my class 2b pracs should i consider to enrol. And i can go on and on and on.

I look at macs and i say to myself that those days are over. I accept that fact.

I look at going out with my friends and i say just as things are starting to change for the better, i just cannot afford to. Once a month still can. Must close one eye. But once a week, i know for sure i cannot ok nizar?

Well i just have this believe that what is just 70 cents, or $5 or $350 today could be worth a "fortune" once i ord. Not spending 70cents on a can drink today would mean i can afford to do so when im studying in the uni. Some may say im being over paranoid but in my shoes, im preparing for the worse.

Given the rough idea of my situation based on entries ever since the day my dad passed away, i just cannot accept the fact that there is an ipod something somewhere in my house. And i think you would feel the same way too.

And it just feels sucky when u go to extremes to save a mere couple of dollars a month and seeing others in your family waste money just like that. To my sister, should i be supportive of you and ur nano? Sorry i cant coz money is a very touchy issue. Angry i wont be. Disappointed, yes.

hmmmmm....... cant talk much... must report back by noon. Be back later tonight. Ive got more to say.

Rama rama....

Seumpama rama rama
Terbang bebas di udara tanpa ada halangan
Aman damai suka-suka
Riang ria tanpa ada rasa duka sengketa
Rama rama


......

home home sweet home

when i couldnt sleep last night, i did something i know i shouldnt have stopped doing. i ve not been doing my job for quite a while now. And looking at the things that have been happening to me lately, i realised i needed help. And who else better than him. And i fell asleep soon after.

And i realised my mistakes. And understood why things happened. Somehow i think that all this is my own doing.


Was watching My time with Ah Gong from the Stories of love Anthology series. Nice show. Touching. It was good. Made me think of trying to write a story that might move hearts and probably make readers shed a tear or two. First and only time i wrote with feelings was in one of the paragraphs in my malay compo exam. Teacher said it was good. But it was just that paragraph coz the rest of it went a little out of point. Writing that paragraph made me shed at least a tear but when the invigilator announced that there we had x minutes left( i think it was 15), i scrambled to end my compo. Maybe under normal conditions, i could try it once more. Either in malay or english. Hmmm.... when was the last time i wrote something in malay?

And if ure wondering why i still confine myself to the four walls of my home when others would be going out, id say i just dun know why. Yeah i still dont know why.

Really.

Think i should start a story about me.

Life

is really really tough.

Never have i been so caught up with something that has made me awake almost the whole night. Some issues i wish i could solve in a peaceful manner.

Sometimes i just dont understand myself. And others.

And when i think i do, i dont.

I hope the remaining months in the army will be a smooth one.

And sorry really seems to be the hardest word.

Muse

Given the chance id like to go to a Muse concert.

Never have i listened and liked songs with drums and electric guitars blasting in the background.

Feel like jumping up and down right now.




Our time is running out

me

am not gay. thats for sure. though i really like purple.

just that i really dun see myself going out with girls. im quiet when i go out with guys. imagine adding girls to the equation.

well this is what im thinkin for now.

looking back i think ive changed quite a bit.

and theres this outside chance that i still might.

and it also depends on ur luck too.

happy fathers day

Been a year on.

But still, whenever i'm home, i look out my window. And I just cant help but imagine seeing his yellow van drive out the parking lot. And to find out that the past one year was just a dream. And i still wonder what it'll be like if he was still around.

Dinner at newton

Kind of a farewell dinner for one of my man. He decided to sign on and will be posting out on monday. So this makes it two friday in a row in which i went out at night. Which my brothers say is starting to become a habit of mine. To which i have to disagree.

They headed to DoubleO after tt. I headed home. Guess there'll always be some lines that i'll choose not to cross no matter what they say. Glad some of my men understand where im coming from.

Last sat was a day out too. Had fun bowling and walking ard in bugis. Never been to that side of bugis before. Reminds me of the night market in Taipei. Price around the same too. Think i have more than enuff clothes to last me till i ord. haha.... might wanna reshuffle my wardrobe then.

I have a fellow colleague retaking his As this year. Maths among his Arts subs. So i decided to mug with him. It was back to basics for me. Formulas, steps and concepts no longer at my fingertips. And i find it very hard to sit down, a pen in hand, writing. Thinking. Memorising.

It really was hard. But it was a start. Was staring into space most of the time. And to think this was just maths.... JC maths. Wait till physics, chemistry and life sciences come into the picture when uni starts.

Guess its time i start to change for the better.

There's a first for everything

Looked at my watch. It was half past midnight.

Took out my key quietly and unlocked the gate.... making minimal noise.

Opened the door slowly and then closed it slowly. Locked it, latched it. And i'm in.

Tip toed my way towards my room. Saw that the tv in my mama's room was still on.

AND THERE SHE WAS!!

......sleeping soundly. The tv was watching her. Switched the tv off, kiss her goodnight and went to my room.

yesterday

fort siloso. NE - it just never ends. hmmm..... been like lots and lots of year since i went there. Lots of changes and it's still changing. Didnt noe they had peacocks walking around. Tot only the zoo had such things. Didnt noe peacocks could fly too!

my first to vivo. Big place. Never got the chance to explore coz was rushing for time. Saw an orange lamboghini there. Got to be THE dream car of the year.

Well dont ask me why i write the way i write. Like everything's so superficial.

I wake up. Brush my teeth. Ate breakfast. Watch cartoons. Play computer game. Sleep. Shower. TV. Computer. In other words, uninteresting.

I read blogs and these kind of entries are kindof boring.

Guess there's a link between how someone feels and how someone writes. I think im bored.

today

wenta visit my grandma. heard a conversation about the two deaths at seletar reservoir. And an interesting story.

The story goes like this.... Whenever a previously unused water body/place is suddenly being opened up for public use like the new centre at Lower Seletar Reservoir for water sports, the spirit of the area will claim 3-7 victims as a sacrifice for using it's territory. Spooky story but coming from relatives who used to live by the sea..... makes it somewhat believable.

And my mama was saying that when we first moved in to my home in sembawang, there's a few cases of kids dislocating their arms and legs while playing at the playground. I remember those incidents but didnt really think it was something abnormal. She says that is how thing's work.

Cool huh.

And there's also this talk about the elusive white crocodile who had played it's role in finding the two bodies which were only found the next day. One of which partially submerged 50m from where the kayak capsized. Been hearing stories about this white crocodile since i was young and after so long, im still hearing stories about it. Brought it up to my grandma. My mama told me the crocodile is old. Asked my grandma if it would die. She said it will never die. And i was like..... ok.... both were talking like it really exist. I believe it exist.

But sadly nothing much surfaced when i googled about the croc.

I'll be keeping this in mind when using new facilities at new places.

Camera I

Though lots happened, there's nothing much that i can really say.

Ever since i came back, ive been busy googling about the incident and was expecting people who were there to write about it. Surprisingly there was only 2. The first was pretty harmless but the second which i found today was rather disturbing.

Been warned of guys like me doing random searches over the net. And the consequences of saying more than you should can be bad for your records. Which is why im staying low.

I brought along a digicam of mine for my r&r in taipei. First time using it. Took lots of pictures at first but sadly most arent proper. Like this one...

And this one...
And this one ......

And after 1 day of taking pictures, i was lying on my bed in the hotel room looking at my snaps and i was shocked to see the end results. Then i decided to take snapshots of my hotel room to see what could have gone wrong so that im able to capture better pics on my last day of r&r.

The sink ....
The toilet.... and bathtub..
Realised that my technique was wrong. Tried a new way.

The bed....
The windows....

And the sink...
And this marked the beginning of better pictures.