MY BLOG 2

Presenting my second blog.....

My Blog 2.....ahhaaha...

NOTICE!!

Please take note that i've moved to isolation87.blogspot.com
I think friendster's blog service not tt good lah. Anw, nice try friendster!

June 07, 2005

frenster's not made for blogging i guess

seriously, who pays to have a blog. I think its dumb lah. Why pay when u can blog for free at places like blogger.com?dunnoe if theres a big diff or not lah coz i can only see the tips of the iceberg onli. BUt i still think its dumb to pay for a blog.

Anw, watched CSI: NY on AXN just now. Gosh! I certainly wish i could subscribe to that Preview channel!! which one OBVIOUSLY cannot....... scv so ex! (they no longer call it scv, do they?)CSI:NY so shiok lah....like crime solving....mystery mystery liddat..... but wen the part got ppl kill each other den got lots of blood i dun see lah.....

tokin abt mystery.....got tis gurl called mystique suddenly msg me(via frenster) saying she's been looking for me.....she knew me..... she found me different from other malay guys back in p school.... but the funny thing is, she din leave her name behind. SO heres a gurl by the name of mystique......and i was like wondering..... who sia?

went to her account and her profile was limited to close frens.She said she knew me since P1 or P3.....and i was like.....hmm.... ok.... i dun recall anyone who followed me frm class to class. For all i noe, only me and some other fellas went from 1G to 2G to 3A7.....and from 3A7 to 4AA.....only one fella went wif me.......and i knew it cant be tt fella since she went to 5AA not 5AB.......

so tt leaves me wif a big question mark lah.

So i looked at how i may be linked to her.......and i saw quite a long list lah......and i gather tt she may have went to st nix.....and den to YJ....

but hey, on the day we got our results......everyone was like everywhere .......i never really had close frens so i din really went ard askin which skool they went to. Its more like i asked the 2 closest buddy of mine, Thaqif and Kin Weng which skool they went to......ahmad ibrahim...... and i was like the only one(amg the 3 of us tt is ) tt went to anderson lah!

And i think i told my mum on the spot to appeal me out from anderson sec and put me into ahmad ibrahim lah. And i was like crying and crying and crying everytime my mum talked abt me going to anderson coz i really didnt want to go to anderson. Coz den i'd be alone......!

(hmm.....maybe tts y i turned out to be a loner huh? Maybe one night, i told myself tt since all my frens went to Ahmad ibrahim.....and if i really really had to go to Anderson.......den ima going to anderson and survive on my own.) Probably..... coz if i can recall correctly.....much time in anderson sec was kind of like primary school....

so how i ended up in anderson? SImple.....my mama called her fren to ask her son to tok to me....haha...coz my mama's fren son was in anderson....so he kind of put in some nice words and dun worrie and all tt lah...... so i ended up not appealing.

anw, i've been digressing.....ALOT....haha.... maybe i shlud rite a biography abt myself someday. Hmmm.... maybe after i retire from my MM role lah.....haha....minister mentor seh.......

so yea. SO this gurl told me hu she was coz i replied askin her hu she was........cindy....hah..... indeed she knew me wen since p1......the split at p3 thingy.....yea....we split at p3......

but i think we were much closer in p1 p2 than in p4 p5 p6........haha.......

so mystery solved.....

and one more thing,

i had a scary dream yesterdae night. A nightmare......

i was taking the lift alone. Man...for ur info....its like a phobia sia...me being alone in a lift. Dunnoe why. I can be alone all my life-- but never put me alone in a lift. Back to the story...

so i was like pressed a button to go up. then the lift went up....and i was feeling the scaredness i normally have wen taking the lift alone. Den suddenly!

The lift slowed down....and started going down.....(kind of like the motion when u spit towards the sky, and ur saliva go uuupp.....and ddowwwn......)....and went below the ground floor to some sort of a basement lah.....(PS: I WAS DAAAAAMN SCARED LAH!!!)

den the lift kind of shook. Then the lift door opened....

and i was like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!!NOOOOO!!!"

Guess what i saw?.... i saw nothing lah....... but in my mind........i pictured an old woman there at the door.....she wasnt exactly there lah.....but its just my imagination.(PS: the ali in the dream also had weird imaginations as the ali in real life ok?)

then i woke up. some reason or another, the room was hot lah. the air was still. Yea the aircon went off as i set the timer to turn off at 3am(to save electricity)....but normally it'll stay cold like till morning lah.......

anw, i laid on the bed........eyes closed tightly...... not moving a muscle.....for a couple of minutes. Wahlao.....i was afraid i wun be able to slp back lah.....coz the dream was like so freaked me out. (Coz ive heard from some wise ppl tt when i have dreams abt gh*** .....yea...u noe wat i mean, its either purely a dream..... or a g**** is actually nearby...... could have just passed by or sthg lah........and so iwas like scared stiff....... feeling stuffy, but i dun dare move lah. Wanted to go on the fan which is like 2-3 metres away.....but too scared lah...... but thank god i managed to slp.

hah! Scary........

den this dream reminded me when i was young. I lived on the fifth floor....corner of the block. SO to go downstairs.....i'd take the stairs.....but to gp up.......the lift will be a better choice.....but.... i'd rather not gamble my life away, so i took the stairs. and for dunnoe wat reason..... when i took the lift....alone.....i ll try to walk slow the first few steps the minute the lift open...... then as i walked and walked.......the speed gradually increases and i'd eventually RUN down the corridor along the sixth story and reach home panting......

so i guess tts one of the many sides of me the world have come to noe abt.......

btw, i kind of feel that all the entries in this frenster blog should be in blogger.com ......my first blog....coz i guess the readers there may start to feel a little bored.....so i guess this will be my last entry..(frenster should focus on networking more than creating blogs which ppl must pay for.....so iguess i ll be putting all this entries on blogger.....)

btw, if there are actually people hu do read my blogs...... the original one is at isolation87.blogspot.com ....dun ask why it's purple too!

June 07, 2005 in Crappy short comments/Thoughts

Maker of Super size Me tackles religious bias

Some show in america called 30 Days by the maker of Super size mE..... put people in weird situations.In ST May 19, they said got one episode show a fundamentalist christian leaving his wife and kids for 30 days to live like a muslim and see wats like to be a muslim in america.
I sSO sO want to watch it!!

June 07, 2005 in Television

OK to kill Muslims...

been readin the papers again. 12 to 1 oclock is dedicated to reading.....
ST May 19 2005
"Zarqawi: OK to kill Muslims"....

He said it was legitimate under Islam for the sake of jihad. Blah..bla...blah....He seems to be shouting, "CMON LAH PEOPLE!! MORE CAR BOMBS!!!"

Haha! Dunnoe if abt the legitimacy all tt stuff....i m no cleric u noe.... to lazy to google. But i do have something to say lah....

Heres an open letter to Zarqawi,

Dear Mr Abdul Musab Al-Zarqawi,
U are one famous man. Ur face and name keep appearing on the news. I sure wish i'm like u, only in a slightly different way. I aint wanna be on some CIA Most wanted list u noe. I wanna be on Forbes top 100 richest person. But den again....i dun evn have no money to make the trip up there where all the brave people hang out.

Anw, i just want to sae that car bomb seems like a good way to do the job. And i read abt u defending the killing of innocent muslims and all..... But i dun like it when more muslims than infidels die. I really dun. Neither does any muslims in any part of the world. C mon.... if only 1 out of the 100 people killed during the car bombs is a muslim.....then i wun be so much of a problem. It'l just be between u and him and God..... u can defend all u want then..... but please please please dun kill muslims yea? Try not to shed any muslim blood yea......

Btw, i cant blog in Arab so get one of ur guys to translate this for u ya? All the best in wateva u do in ur life. HEy, the "good guys" are after u.... so take care ya? dun hide in some stupid single-exit bunker burried underground like saddam did ok? Dats really dumb.....

Peace be upon u!

June 07, 2005 in Current Affairs

Some essay ive been werkin on...

here's the highest level of english that i can possibly attain....sucks i noe.... but yea....

Human beings have more to fear from themselves than from the natural world. Do you agree?
By Ali Marzuki (14) 27/04

Human beings have more to fear from themselves more than the natural world. Despite harsh forces of nature like natural disasters, attacks by wild animals and outbreaks of infectious diseases, the dangers posed by Man himself should be feared more. Terrorism, violence and abuse of technology among others give human beings more reasons to fear from themselves than from the natural world.

Within a society, the chances of crimes and violent activities occurring is definitely many times more than the possibility of a natural disaster happening. With the help of science and technology, Man can be warned of possible earthquakes, drought, monsoons and even tsunamis that might occur some time in the near future. Thus, Man can prepare himself for what is predicted to come so as to suffer as little damage as possible. However, the same cannot be said when dealing with crimes or violence. For example, no one could ever predict the series of shootings that happened in the United States. In 1998, a rash of school shootings around the United States has left at least 13 people dead and more than 40 wounded. In addition, in early October 2002, 13 people were shot dead in a series of sniper shootings in Washington, New York. The fact that such unimaginable events do in fact take place somewhere in other parts of the world would make most human beings feel more threatened from their own kind more than from the natural world. Human beings cannot help but fear the possibility of such events happening in their own backyard.

Terrorism is another reason why human beings have more to fear from themselves than from the natural world. The extent of damage and destruction by natural disasters largely depends on one’s geographical location. For example, a country situated near plate boundaries will almost definitely experience a greater risk of earthquake as compared to a country that lies nowhere close to plate boundaries. However, the same cannot be said with regards to terrorism. Terrorism knows no boundaries and terrorist-related activities can happen anywhere at any instant. For example, no one could foresee September 11 2001 happening. Neither could anyone predict the bombings in Bali on 12 October 2002. Such terrorist-linked events took an unknown number of lives. However, one should always keep in mind of the many other acts of terrorism as seen on news broadcast. These events are proof to show that how dangerous the world has become as a result of terrorism. Hence, the unpredictable nature and large-scale destruction of terrorism make it right for human beings to fear from themselves more than the natural world.

Technology in itself can be of serious threat to the safety of human beings. Existence of nuclear plants does have its benefit but one can never guess when or where accidents can happen. For example, on 26 April 1986, a tremendous explosion occurred in a huge nuclear power plant in Chernobyl, Ukraine. A figure of 125,000 deaths was issued by the Ukrainian Ministry of Health, which included all subsequent deaths, natural or otherwise, of those living in the contaminated zone of Ukraine. Such devastating disaster serves as a reminder the level of danger Man poses to his own self. What is even more shocking is that in the world today, there are countries producing nuclear weapons and are prepared to use them when provoked. Such is the level of danger of Man himself. Unlike prevention measures that one can take to protect one’s self from the natural world, no man can escape the wrath of a possible nuclear warfare. Hence, Man has more to fear from himself than from the natural world.

Although the natural world does pose a huge threat to human beings, human beings still have more to fear from themselves. The December 26 2004 tsunami that hit the town of Aceh as well as in places as far as Sri Lanka had claimed many lives. However, this is just one of the few unfortunate phenomenon that Man simply cannot hide from. Nevertheless, although the tsunami had ended, there was an even greater fear that Man had, that of himself. People living in temporary shelters had to suffer abuse. Children were kidnapped and sold to couples that wanted children. There were also those who were kidnapped and sold in the child sex trade. Incidents such as these are being feared more than the natural disaster itself.

In conclusion, although the natural world can have a devastating impact on humans, much of it can be prevented or minimized when necessary measures and safety precautions have been taken. The aid of science and technology as well as geographical locations further reduces the risk and the effect of natural phenomenon. However, nothing can protect the human race from crimes and violence caused by a small group of individuals. Nothing can be done to save us from the threat of nuclear weapons. Neither can anything be done to block out terrorism from our home soil. Indeed, I agree that human beings have more to fear from themselves than from the natural world.

June 06, 2005 in skool

On and off days....

i guess there are on and off days between people.....
......no matter how close u are....there's bound to be an off day.....
.....what really matters is how long that off day of yours is.....
....if its just a one off incident....theres nthg to worrie abt....
....but if it drags on for a wee bit too long a time.....
....u dun need a rocket scientist to tell you somethings wrong....
....and u sure dun nd a plumber to tell u tt tis is something he cannot repair for u.....

(am not sure if the plumber part is amusing....but yea.....just something i m thinking abt...so why not share it wif u guys)

June 06, 2005 in Crappy short comments/Thoughts

AQ

finally done wif the AQ. Dun think its good though.How seh one write a good AQ. All the samples my teacher give not tt clear leh..... aiya..better start marking tt AQ and start wif the essay which is due tmr!!

June 06, 2005 in education

AQ

How the hell does one write a good AQ~!!! so sick of it lah...... brain juices almost used up till the veri last drop.... but i will still persevere......cant gv up now....wasted to much time oready.... life....

June 06, 2005 in education

Sick show

Sick show man. Wateva the title is.... Mars attack? Martian invasion...... aiya...the one got disgusting aliens the one head explode then got come out disgusting looking goo. Eeeyer.... den got one part the alien shake hand wif e president then the alien hand came out and went behind the president and got tis metal thing poke thru the president stomach! WAhlao!! Shuldnt tis kind of scenes be censored??!! Damn sick lah.... show it during 7-9 period some more...Man....i wouldnt want my kids to be exposed to such grusome violence lah.....

haha....maybe its just me i guess....one of the many shows tt i dun quite like....

June 05, 2005 in Film

Just thinking out loud...

....i am one picky fella. my mind werks in a very perculiar wae. Sometimes i accept an idea.... sometimes i reject the same idea totally. Coz sometimes it may seem like a good thing to do.....but sometimes it may not seem like an appropriate thing for me to do. i dunnoe. Sometimes things just doesnt feel rite.

....for now, frenster's for me to link buddies past and present.....so i aint opening up to ppl who wants to noe me..... not just yet i guess..... not any sooner i predict..... some time in the distant future i presume.....

.....am just thinking out loud....

June 05, 2005 in Crappy short comments/Thoughts

one step closer to animal organs in humans

am reading May 24.2005 ST ..... haha...got lots of readings to do coz 2-3 mths nvr read papers.... so must read past 2-3 months papers within tis june.

anw....saw tis article....which is captured in the above title. They(korean scientist) are finding ways to stop monkeys from rejecting pig's organ(livers...kidneys...so on).... Is this sick or is tis sick??One may argue tt tis save lives.....but..... the monkeys must have rejected the pig's organs for a reason.......i just find tis sick.... man....i'll rather die than live in a world where ppl are doing this kind of sick things lah..... lucky the situation now not that bad.....

Got tis April 28 2005 ST article....."Pentagon to offer bunker-busting bombs to Israel".... as some sort of a warning to Iran to halt its nuclear programme.... i'm like what the hell!

So now u see why ppl,like me, dun really like the US and ISrael.... tts why bombs are going off all over the place..... its becoz of silly things like this lah. Wah...israel,US have all tis technology can lah! But when IRan, iraq.... have all tis thingys....they would come knocking on ur door and sae u have WMD lah.....all those crap....

cmon lah! Tts so unfair! U wanna end terrorism..... but tis kind of actions fuel the need for terrorism..... hmph! World peace? DReam on....

June 05, 2005 in Science

Can add more ppl

finally i can add more ppl on frenster. Wat took u guys so long to accept my requests?? hhHaa!!

June 05, 2005 in Crappy short comments/Thoughts

damn bored lah

damn sien(bored) lah! First time write on tis new blog. Dunnoe how things werk and guess wat.... deleted the entry i just wrote lah! Bummer! So here's writing wat i wrote jus now....only shorter...coz i got werk to do.....

i mentioned tt tis is my blog 2....coz there's a blog 1 somewhere on blogspot....haha...and i wun sae the site's add here coz if u try hard and link here link there....god willing u'll meet my blog 1... haha.... decided to hv a "miniblog" @frenster coz i jus so bored now lah...so maybe anyone who visits my profile may hv sthg extra to do like BE A BUSYBODY and take a look at wat i have to sae for the dae.. -joking-

so blog 2 will be for me to write bout sthg really short and crappy or sthg short but not crappy.... either way i ll try write sthg every now and then....yupups!(someone's funny way of saying yups!)... tts it for tonite..haha... i notice the option of category in this window... maybe i try tok abt evrything listed on the category list lah...

yea....peace...
(PS: Happy hunting to those who wants to hunt for my blog. Deer hunting's no longer the IN thing now. The Hunt for My first Blog has begun!...)

..-_-"'.....(i noe...haha)

June 04, 2005 in Crappy short comments/Thoughts

Powered by Friendster Blogs

Hello again blogger.......

Hello again old blog! I dun think ive paid as much attention to u as My Blog 2 now that ive started using friendster......after writing abt 10+ entries there....i dun think frenster's blogging service is any where close to blogger's.

And ppl who do read my blog at isolation87.blogspot.com (which is this blog) may find tt theres nothing much to read here anw. So i guess i ll abandon my blog 2 and dedicate my heart and soul to this dear blog of mine.

BUT......this means that friends, cousins, family...... MY SISTER..... may DEFINITELY chance upon this blog of mine! Which may be catastophic....... but i'm prepared for wat is to come....

ANw, i'lll be copy& pasting all my entries at My Blog 2 to here, isolation87.blogspot.com

so tt there's sthg for ppl to read i guess.

YEah...... c & p in progress......

Something's not right......

Just feel as though everything just doesnt seem right for me lah....EVERYTHING doesnt seem to go right for me lately.

....got tis guilt feeling....not between me and frens or me and my parents or me and anyone lah....... but me and GOd.... coz i ve done things i NOE i SHOULDNT be doing..... and i have NOT done some things i NOE i SHOULD be doing.....man....

my mind is definitely not in peace man..... cant really concentrate.....cant really focus

wen i pray.....my mind goes everywhere lah........ haiz.......when i say my prayers...my mouth goes one way and my mind goes another way..... seems to be unable to get my mind and mouth and heart work in unison like it always could....

....thoughts....thoughts.......and more thoughts..........

.....am like a zombie.......

.....no one can understand wats like within me......

...the feeling is just too surreal.....

...i guess i ve not been the me some 6-7 weeks ago. MAn.....i really ought to wake myself up..... stop doing things i shouldnt be doing....and start bringing myself closer to god.......

Its the foundation problem again......wen the foundation's not right..... everything else will NEVER be right......

and this morning......my dad SUDDENLY complains why shuld he be the one throwing the rubbish outside...when he has been doing that for like 1/2 a year already! When i used to tumpang his van to sec school.....i was the one the bring the garbage outside.... when my bros was in the afternoon session....they would be the one to bring it outside....and now that everyone in the family "works" in the morning shifts..... only ma dad walks in the direction where the rubbush bin is...... coz us 4 kids walks the other direction.... wat abt my mama u ask? she s out of the eqn lah....wahlao....cant expect her to walk quite a distance to throw the rubbish...and cant expect her do everything rite??........ but the thing is....why suddenly complain.... wahlao....early morning make my dear mama not happy.... little things oso he cannot do..... cmon lah... other ppl's dad oso work too wat. They get tired too wat.........

...but den again......maybe its just stress lah. Coz ma dad's getting not too healthy.... going for check-ups..... eating lots of medicine...... maybe he needs to vent his frustration on someone i guess.... this kind of stress father experience hard to say lah..... den my mum oso not say very healthy too lah...... her legs' weakening too like in the past...but not so terok yet lah like the past.....last time i need to hold her tight while walking with her lah.... coz dunnoe y.... she just felt weak lah.... then now cough cough only........

signs of ageing i guess...... man..... i cant help but think of the future lah....God willing, they might see me thru my education years... but my sisters and brothers education? Tough times here..... just a short test i hope...... tts why we at home cannot really take things for granted.......all the good food...sometimes not good food(i m a picky eater)...all the lights we have......the water.....the internet......the phone.... all comes at a price.....

tts y my mama not sae dun like.....but dun quite like the idea of a handphone.....tts y my sis seldom use handphone now...and when she does use it......eh wait....her phone's in my mums hands...... ya.... tts y only my dad has one...... tts y i dun feel like having one..... dun sae dun feel like it ....but...... aiya, u get the picture........

Everything wun seem rite when the foundation is wrong. My foundation is shaky rite now. I need to correct this fault of mine in order to see things with a clearer mind.....

and boy do i need to start a.s.a.p ......... i nd the concentration....confidence.....rite now......

a couple of wks back...when i feel like im the most focussed and determined guy on campus..... everything seems to fall right where it should be.....i thot tt tt was the most ideal scenario tt ever happened to me.....

....but i took things forgranted......i thot things will stay tt way..... my mind began to go astray....and day after day.....i lost touch to everything lah.....

am disappointed. yea. but tis is life.

(well i noe the things i wrote above may not make perfect sense. i m just writing down the things i feel and the things i m thinkin of rite now....just one of those entries where i just need to write and write to loosen myself up...... i wun be surprised if even i wun noe what the heck i m writing abt if i read tis entry tmr.....but i sure noe wat i m writing the very instant the words appear on this screen of mine...... life.... why must it always have to be this way?)

jus feel wrte bloggin....(wats wrte?haha...*like*)

though theres nthg to blog down really, just felt like writing sthg. So here goes....

i din follow my time table todae. Was trying hard understanding a small section of charge particles tis noon wen i started to sway. Haha...gettin tired....my neck was aching coz the wae i wanted to take a nap on the chair was so uncomfie lah. so wanted to take a break. Ended up sleeping till 6.30....power.... den after tt watch tv.... "Andre"..abt a seal... den read here digress there...so now i want to go slp oready... power...

nvm....let ali waste his time just like dat.... he ll start panicking again soon....but i ll make sure he wun wake up at the veri last minute....(again,....i am looking on the bright side of life instead of stressing myself up)

nitez....seems like some ppl went for holidaes already....

Thursdae...fridae(pilot test)

Thursdae was D-day! Hahah...but ended up i woke up late. so couldnt really follow my plan.HAHA.... den end up tt dae do just approx of roots and discrete random V. yups...haha.. nvm lah...dun wan to go too hard on myself like alwaes.... so i m gonna sae... its a start...haha.....(remember, think positive!)...

Fridae....the dae i took the pilot test.... had to do 2 computer tests and a written personality test(187MCQs)..... wah can die seh! Everything went ok till i was supposed to fly the plane tt was on e screen thru squares on the screen. The squares were somewhat skin to a tunnel the plane was suppose to fly thru lah.... frm 1-9.... my grade was 1 lah.... one being the lowest! hhaha.......and for e next 2 tries........i got a 1 too lah. My plane flew everywhere except thru the blardy squares lah! haha....it was den tt i knew i better not fly a plane! lol! A great experience though. Saw qiuteng there..........then got his v ball guy join us. HHahh...Fu kai's the name i tink. Hah....in aj one. He look like Beng sia........ but damn frenly guy lah. NEvr judge a book by its cover!! So happie the test over lah...... den the sovenir they give is a cute little clock fixed onto a metal plane. HAh....damn cute lah....

Wen i wanted to leave the house tt time.....my neighbour passed by lah.... She was going to her skool at SP.... so got fren lah thruout the trip to Redhill MRt.... Hhah...tok abt skool....tok abt sisters taking the Os...tok abt my brothers takin PSLE...tok abt our Primary skool....our teachers...haha.... tt neighbour of mine was my p4 classmate....

Haiz...... have to b really desciplined in following my plan sia. but i can do it one lah.... i'll try my best...

anw,Mum's sick.... coughing badly. She lazy go doctor...... haha...nvm....at home got cough med. So hopefully she feel better tmr. Coz if not, wait like todae...no nice food to eat....haha.....so which means tt we must do most of the housework for the time being lah....haha..... but not a prob.... normal lah......

Am enjoying life at home.....haa....not yet bored.......not now i guess..maybe later....
....Ppl....frens.....loved ones.....study hard k??? Aim to succeed..

~Marzuki

Last dae for me to slack...

WEll.... haben really start to do werk yet...haha....*surprise surprise* .....all tok no action man! So i guess.... todae's my last day to slack. COz from 1100- 1 00, i have created for myself a timetable for my every day of June!! I guess i've limited my self to 2hours of com every night. Haha.... i'll start following my jam-packed routine tmr!!

Todae i tidied up my room......again.....but todae damn clean sia. Haha...in preparation for June's mugging marathon .... Den ALL my worksheets i ARranged them neatly in a file sia. KK.....not a file.....but in a grand total of ELEVEN ring files. Haha..... wah...damn happie tt all my notes are arranged in a damn organised manner lah. :)

Cant wait to follow my plan sia. I need a whole mountain of Descipline to closely follow it lah. So now i need both vitamin C and D. Really big Cs and Ds. Haha....yea... I wanna sae tt i dun tink i can follow my plan lah coz its veri hard lah. BUT but but but but..... tts stupid man!! C mon think positive!

When asked "What's your biggest challenge In life?", Ms Canada aka Ms Universe 2005 said, "The biggest challenge in my life is always trying to think positive. I consider myself the kind of person who sees the world as a glass half-full, instead of half-empty. And even though sometimes it's hard to look at life this way, I always try to maintain the positive side in life."

So the Ali who always has no confidence in himself.....will now try to maintain the positive side in life.

So i guess the time for me to slack is almost over. Tomorrows a new beginning....

Am warming up my engines.....

My engines have just been switched on. Finally decided not to idle ard anymore. Did little things to make the engines warm up faster..... like drawing up a calender of June on a drawing block.... writing down the stuffs i need to do.... -sien- but no choice lah....

Finally no more lectures! Haha..... i guess can start my daes early. I have decided that i'll sleep by 12 midnight. And wake up at 6 for prayers then, run ard play soccer, practice footworks on the multi-purpose hard court nearby.... den by 8.15 shuld be at home already... bathe.... clean house till abt 9.15. Den have breakfast...den do my work. Have made my room cleaner once more, so should be conducive for study lah. DEn will stop at 5pm to bathe again.....do some housewerk to please my Mama.... den all the way till 12?
Am thinking of what to do on an hourly basis sia. Like u c ar....i dun wan to be like to slow doing mths for example, den end up no time for physics or chem. Plan plan plan!!

Have been kinda of tinking...... LONG entries are boring. So i 'll kp my short sia. Hoping for the best for my mid years. MUST TRY TRASH AH HOCK!! Tt's my aim.

Hope u ppl reading my blog aren't having any problems revising sia.....like me....coz i got this side of me that wants to enjoy the holiday!! I think i'll kill my bros holiday too. Force them get 260s for their PSLE.... MUAHAHA.... Den everyone in this family will be mugging lah. Must psycho my sis to get 10 for her Os sia.... how i dunnoe lah..... must put pressure on her too..... coz on her frenster,she said she wants to go JC.... but i'm like thinking.....girls.....no nd go skool lah.....hah.....go jc oso do wat sia...... I guess my answer to my own question would be "for a good future".

Some things that i must keep saying to myself:
I lurve studying. My life revolves around books.I go to JC to get good grades. So I must not complain complain anymore.I must stay focussed on my ultimate goal.....

...Two A, One B.All the best to me.

148 days and counting.....

Yesterday, while reminding someone to make full use of the holidays and reminding her just how many days we have left....... i feel like it's as though i m reminding my own self just how many days i have left before the A levels. Am feeling rather scared lah..... scared tt i cant make.....scared tt even if i gave my all, i still wun b able to meet the cut.... scared tt i'll disappoint everyone.....scared tt ppl will laugh at me..... -scared-

Managed to start a conversation wif my mum by first telling her abt my sis's grades. Hhaha... she told my mum tt she haben got back her report book... but wen i read her blog, she's just scared to tell her lah. She failed all but 2 subjects sia. The more i read her entries..... the more i think she's like me lah. Kind of experiencing depression.... stress.... talk to frens more than talk to ppl in e family....hah..... its in the genes i guess. She's takin her o-levels mother tongue tmr....wish her all the best lah. hhaha.... the only thing i manage to say to her was tt it's the Os and when its just the Os, u close both eyes also can do the paper. Haha.... not much of an encouragement i guess....haha....

Den i told my mum tt it's not like the As lah..... damn hard one..... and i did told her that i might even die studying lah....and even if i prayed for the best, i dun think i can do it lah. Den she said, with my prayers as well as my determination to succeed, God willing, i will succeed. Haah....to think that i actually received an advice from someone in the family....haha..... Am really lacking in confidence right now lah. I hope that I'll find that BIG C soon....... -motivated-

Btw, I found a chess set in the house that was put away some time ago. HAha......and guess what since yesterdae, me and my bros have been playing it lah. To think they actually none how to play this "brain game". Of the 9 time we played, i won them all lah.... was getting bored of winning oso lah.... haha....den yesterday....played wif the youngest bro.....was damn cocky lah me....i say i'll kill him off in 15 minutes lah...den i committed all my pieces up in attack lah. I got this feeling i ll win him in a couple of moves lah. Haha.... den suddenly,due to unforced errors....my negligencein fact, my pieces were being swallowed up lah.....den it ended up against my last king standing against LOTS more pieces lah. Hhaa.....i lost.... to think i can actually lose to my bro..... was kind of a shock to me lah.....humph! Wun give him chance the next time round.. ..haha

"The best cousin in the world" dropped by yesterday.... he was feeling better....coz he recently fell of his bike...motorcycle to be precise....haha.... since i nvr go see him after his accident, he came to see me lah....haha....he misses me....lol! as if... Yup... he told me stuffs meant for my ears only..... but someone's else's ear kind of did hear it to lah... or in fact, read it lah. But i TRUST that that SOMEONE BETTER NOT LET ANYONE ELSE"S EAR HEAR ABT IT!!..... haha....-kiddin-

Haha....got myself a frenster account....coz tt cousin of mine who's the last person on my mind to have a frenster account had just opened an account... i was like wat the heck??? Haha.... so i guess.... i m e last person in the world to hav an account?? See lah.... when my sis had one....i said it was stupid lah.... when my sis had a blog....i said it was stupid lah..... so whose the stupid one now?? Hheheeh....am looking at the mirror now.... and I SAW THAT STUPID GUY!! ahah..... lame.... kk...OUT!

Be yourself day.... WONDERFUL Mac Experience

It was BYD todae. We get to wear anything we want. Well....not everything i guess coz there were guidelines tt needed to b followed. And of course we needed to submit proposals..... which had some classes fuming coz their proposals were rejected.... but overall..... it was an ok day lah.

Of course being a Be Yourself Day..... i decided to be myself. I had lots of fun watching ppl play soccer sia, eating breakfast in a nearly empty canteen.... watched ppl sing Steph Sun songs, FIR songs at K-Box... watched a small part of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen...watched a really small part of Van Helsing.... and caught a glimpse of Totoro(??? Is tis the title of the movie....din hear it properly during morning assembly. Walked here walked there..... hha....damn shiok lah. And i got to enjoy this special day with a very special someone lah. Someone whom i spend time with most of the time....all the time in fact..... Someone who truly understands me...not all the time though...hee... Someone who enjoys being with me...... It being BE Yourself day.... i spent the day wif.....

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my own self. Haha.....yeah.... expected?? Thought it was someone else?? There's no someone else lah..... its either me or everyone else....Haha.....anw most of my frens either played soccer or watched movie. Din want to stink myself up...so decided not to play soccer.. and Van Helsing?!?!?!? .... wahlao.... dun wan to fill my head wif unwanted images... hhaa.... this kind of disgusting horror(is it horror???) ..... scary movies dun appeal to me lah. Haha..... too bad... tts just me lah....whether u like it or not. Ali told me he wanted to eat after watching some soccer coz the sun was hindering my view. Stomachache sia... haa.... lucky that Mee Rebus auntie got open shop. Den i treated myself to ice cream.... hhaa.... power..... but the ice cream seems to melt a little too fast?? Hhaha.... but power nonetheless.... its been a while since i ate ice cream....

K box was ok lah. Managed to listen to an FIR song tt i find rather nice...... after a while.... i decided to take a peek at the movies....wah....full house lah! Had to stand at the door sia. so couldnt really enjoy the show lah.

When it was time to go to the hall....i finally met up wif the other guys.. chat here chat there..... den went can leave skool already that time.... we went to mac.

Bad day at the mac. it was really WONDERFUL..... more like 'WonderFUl'. Firstly, that manager at the counter was damn not polite lah. Never smile. Den i kept on saying i m member but he already deleted dunnoe wat from the cash register and went to take my stuff. Wen he came back....i told him i was a member......not tt i was tt desperate for points... but he being rude.....i decided to use the RIGHTS i have as a consumer and a customer. He pressed the register and gave me the points lah. BUt although i paid 6.50.... he gave me the points for $3.55 lah....the price of just the McSpicy double.... damn angry lah..... but calmed down.... coz i dun really like this kind of ppl. He told me he'll send me my PLAIN McSpicy double coz haha....i dun eat mayo(One of the many things on the list of stuffs that i dun eat).... Anw, b4 i went back to the table, i asked him for chilli sauce lah. Coz he din even put any lah! Den he put 2 only!! Den i asked for more.... den in tt unfrenly tone of his, he asked how many more.... i said 2 more. He put 3!! Damn rude right!!?? Attitude..... I asked for curry sauce.... he said curry sauce only for nuggets.....pls lah!! All other McDonalds cashiers give curry sauce whether u buy nuggets or not. WTH!!!! So i went to the counter next to his for curry sauce lah. To hit him back. Blardy attitude sia.....

While waiting.... i ate my fries lah. Den suddenly got this malay lady.... a big round and unsightly being came to our table and told us that we never invite her b4 we eat. I m not sure if invite is the word coz in malay....wen we eat.... we must "invite" others ard us to eat oso.... aiya.... u noe wat i mean rite. Wen i saw her..... i didn looked up anymore lah... haha.... unsightly.... den wen she spoke.... i tot she knew my fren Tauhid lah. Haha.... coz i assumed she was talking to him lah....coz i din look up and Adib and Shak had their backs towards her. Den Tauhid like stunned like tt said "huh...huh....ya..."... den she went away lah... go disturb some ang mohs who were from united world college... coz i heard the lady said United world college. DEn When Haz came tothe table, she went back over and said..."Sikit("A bit" in malay)" and took one or two of Haz's fries. WE were like "????".... den she sang a bit of Toni Braxton's Unbreak my Heart....... wahlao.... again ...????.... we found it humorous too lah.... i found it humurous lah.....until she went over to me....and asked if i wanted the chilli sauce which were on my tray....which i had a rather hard time getting lah....haha....

Btw.... i dinnoe she was really crazy lah.... so i said....if she want she can take lah. DEn she took not one...not two ...but SEVEN of my chilli sauce lah. 2 of which Shak give me one. ONLY DEN.....i told myself she was really wrongly wired in the head lah. Coz when she leaned over to take the chilli sauces....she kind of moved towards shak lah..... and immediately after tt.....Shak went off lah.....haha....freaked out i guess.

Den the lady took a chair from behind and sat facing us.... in a dammn unsightly manner lah! I din really see her eye to eye lah..... jjust from the top of eyes or the side of my eyes... den i was holding my fries....i was like 'SHIT!!".... den she sae "Nak sikit(Want a bit" in malay..).... i was like damn pissed off and disgusted lah.... but i din want to sae no.... or simply ignore her lah.

Cmon lah....shes human after all right! Just tt God had made her the way she is lah. Just imagine if she's ur sibling.....and she suddenly left home to dunnoe where..... den wen she hungry... she go ask ppl for food... den she kena bullied...or luffed at.... poor thing rite?

So instead of letting her go ard taking ppl's freis..... i gave her mind lah. Anw....i din hv the appetite to eat oso lah. Den i was drinking my MEDIUM(ALREADY UPSIZED) coke lah.... den she said "Nak sikit..."...... i was liek....siao!..... so i sipped a couple more times and gave her everything lah. More than 3/4 full lah!! By this time.... nizar and azhar already went to a sit far away lah.... After i gave her practically everything i ordered..... i remembered that that STOOOPID manager STILL haben gave me my blardy McSpicy Double lah..... so i immediately stood up, and went over to the counter lah for my burger.... as well as to get away frm tt lady lah..... eeeyer.....

I gave my attitude face oso.... liek looked him in the eye with the pissed-off-wif-him look.... and wif the pissed-off-wif-me look, he said that his worker had been looking for me.... cannot find..... Pls lah!!...... I wanted to tell him that i CLEARLY heard him say "Take a sit first. I ll bring ur burger to u." And how the heck would his worker noe how i looked liek lah!..... but tt too will be rude lah. No matter how angry i may be at that time.... one word .... RESPECT. I took the tray and went back to my sit. But the moment i turned and faced the table we're at..... i turned back and told the manager i wanted a carrier.... -->Take away....

I took the burger....and took my bag lah. Den tt lady said.....u eating eat at home?..... and i just went away to the place nizar was sitting at lah. Shortly after that..... Tauhid and Hafiz and Stephen followed. We saw the manager tokin to tt lady and finally, she left the building. We went back to our original seat lah.... Adib and kim was still there...so was boon and guoxing.... Rongzhu had already left. We were like.....Eh!Where's SHak??

Tauhid gave him a call....and shak said he was somewhere outside. Hhaha.... we told him to get back in lah....coz she's now outside mah! Hah.....farnie! Laughed here laughed there...... and den we went for prayers....

They went to play pool at Paradiz.....i went home lah... coz stomach a bit pain.... and also.... my wallet damn dried up lah.... Going to Mac exhausts my allowances lah! Yah....

Then at home.... kicked the ball ard outside wif one of my bro. The other had to go skool help teacher. DEn we went back in and played FIFA on the PS..... Den at 7.... while waiting for the time when i can start my evening prayers..... played solitaire.... vegas type....meaning the card will not repeat one.....hope u get wat i mean.... I think I played ard 10 times lah in a span of 20mins.....finally, managed to complete the round sia. Haha.... damn proud of myself for not giving up....lol!!

Had recre soccer on Thursdae. Boy do i really suck at soccer now lah. Lost touch to everything lah. Haiz.....sien..... so i decided to take out my name from the interhouse games..... hock replace me. Haha.....power.... so now i hope i can make it into the squash and badminton interhouse team lah. I already signed up for volleyball too. Haiz.... i signed up for games i dun even noe the rules lah. hhaa.... play for fun got lah.... but proper ones wif rules....never sia.

Which is why i've been downloading videoclips....watching video streams of squash and badminton matches..... to at least familiarise myself wif the game lah. Haha...power.... been playing badminton wif myself too... in my room....against the wall.... have always lost to the wall lah....sien.... simple ball oso can miss....i wonder plae wif real person how sia..... den again....i always knew that P(me winning against the wall)= 0!! haha..
unless i hit the shuttle so hard that it pass right thru the wall!! HEhe..

Jun holidays just started.... better start studying sia. And better train my self up sia... stay in good shape. Oh...the pilot test is on this coming friday sia! Woohoo....cant wait for the day to come. Hmmm....what should i wear?...haha.... -jokin-

I guess tt's it from me. Wah.... Hock no longer online recently sia.... all the stuff in the house are in boxes coz it's undergoing renovation. Boring.... No one to really tok too now lah. Haiz......

My frens have asked me to join them for grp study during the hols.... haha....man.... grp study's not my thing lah. Wah.....cannot really focus on anything lah. SElf study's more my thing lah. Haiz.... sien.....

Hope people out there are having fun.... Enjoy ur holidays.... But at the same time, study too k?

Ambitions.......dreams......aspirations

What do i want to be when i grow up? Or is it what do ur parents want u to be when u grow up?

Its a damn hard question for me to answer.Lately, these questions have crossed my mind a couple of time..... so wat better way is there to work on it besides writing my thoughts on it! A doctor? A teacher? Or a pilot? There's so many things to choose from but i dun even noe where to begin with!

Last week, me and my other Malay schoolmates who were part of a mentoring programme organized by the Malay/Muslim organisation called Mendaki were told to fill up some information on a piece of paper. On the paper was 10 blanks to fill in. The first 5 blanks were for this question: List 5 fields of studies you would like to know more about (eg. medical).Took a look at the next part....: List 5 jobs that u want to be attached to. Well, the questions weren't exactly phrased this way though.... but close to what i've stated.

I was like....huh???? A couple of jobs crossed my mind lah. Teacher. Engineer. Haha..... man.... this is the only 2 things that i know lah. Eh...actually, i dun even noe wat an engineer does lah!!

THere were a couple of frens who happened to be ard me while i was doing this filling up thingy. Haha....they suggested stuffs like vet (eeyer!)..... farmer??? .... and the one of the things one of them said was Chef....hha..... very good idea lah. POWER!!.... so now that's 3 things i had in mind already lah. I decided to take a look at what other people wrote on their paper and boy did i nearly died of heart attack. There were people who put petrochemist, pediatrician, nanoscientist, hotel manager, economist,psychologist.... and many other cheem jobs.... ANd there i was thinkin along the line of a primary school kid lah! Teacher, doctor, pilot, firefighter, policeman......

Den today, my form tutor messaged me to hand in this Career-Fair-talk-signing-up-thingy by today. KK....she didnt messaged me. She messaged my fren to pass the message to me. Wah.... my fren got this message right b4 physics lecture. I was damn shocked lah coz i TOTALLY forgot abt this thing. Cleanly forgotten abt it! Searched through my files couldnt find anything lah.Den since the lecturer was facing some difficulty trying to switch on the projector....i decided to look for it in my locker lah....so i told my fren tt i'll be off for quite sometime. HHAha.....and i went out of lecture! Wah.....den i searched and searched all the files i had in the locker but dun hv! DEn i walk and walk ard skool to look for ppl whom i think may have the paper lah.... but to no avail. Den i saw Michelle who said that Qiuteng had left the thingy in class and now its missing. Den Jun han suggested a damn brilliant suggestion lah-- go to the box and photocopy from other class... wah! I should hv thought of tt. By then, it was already maths tutorial lah.... but this was a die-die-must-get-it-done situation....so i went and asked uncle to photocopy 2 sets...one for Michelle.... den my instructions got so damn unclear tt the uncle only phtocopied one. So must wait a while more to get it done.... Den i rushed back to maths tutorial......

So after all this beating-around-the-bush..... i was only going to talk about this career-fair-talk-signing up- thingy. Basically we must choose the talks we wanted to attend. At least 3 talks. So i was looking through the options. This was where the "what do i want to be when i grow up" question crossed my mind again lah. To cut the story short..... i chose 4 talks-- the one by MCYS(social worker...psychologist....thereapist..), the one by Singapore General Hospital..... the Engineering one.... and the Banking and Finance one. Just curious what exactly banking and finance ppl do sia....

Then the letter i got from the Air Force made Pilot another option of mine. So what exactly am i interested in? I'm not so sure......

Sien.... today damn sien. Maybe having 4 periods of physics in one day overworked my brain. No wonder every wednesdae i damn exhausted lah!! Coz of physics, maths and chem!! Den i tot american idol is 2 hr todae sia.....kena cheated..... so decided to just share with the world what i want to sae..... and maybe....sleep a while.... coz tonite will be a long nite....i hope. Need to plan my plan for the days and weeks to come.

So what are your ambitions? Are they wat u aspire to be? Or are they merely dreams? Like what Vickram said on speech day...."Dreams are only castles on clouds if u dun do anything about it."

SO wake up.... and start doing something..... and put in ur best effort to make ur dreams come true! All e best!!

I m now on the border line.....half asleep, half awake

Damn bored lah now. Maybe not bored.... just feeling "moody"? Got no mood to do things now. Went thru chem's transition metal and almost everything oso i cannot do lah. Den want to do math's tut 32....tts wen i fell onto the 'border line' lah. Mind stressed a bit. Went down to support BT todae. Their final game. Sadly, both lost their games. Everyone looked veri sad lah. The players tt is. The feeling of defeat...... wonder if i have ever felt it before. Maybe during the CDP games got feel defeat lah..... Haiz.... But it should be known tt the teams that were at the courts today were all winners lah. They made it to top four.... so technically, there's no such thing as losers todae lah.

Hey, dun take things too hard on urself k? That's wat i can gather after seeing tt final game of urs. It's not ur fault. And hey! Dun think tt u had disappoint ur other teammates .....supporters ... and frens hu came to watch u.... It just wasn't meant to be. It was a good fight i must say. Maybe not ur best performance.... but a good match nonetheless. Its alright to be feeling blue...... for now..... but try not to feel this way too long k?
Today marks an end to a chapter filled with ups and downs. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a rather hectic but exciting journey ahead.Hope wat happened todae will not affect ur tommorrows.

Before i blogged down this short entry of mine.... i was reading thru past conversations i had wif some ppl on msn. Btw, a BIG THANKZ to the creator of the Message Log of Msn lah....haha.... Coz reading past conversations really brought back fond memories, funny incidents..... sad experiences.....late nights...... -sigh-

Better rest now. Long day tmr. Nite! Am feeling slightly better. I guess doctors should start to subscribe to their patients who are feeling depressed, sad,suicidal and what not ..... this new medicine i've just discovered for myself.....blogging...

Rain.....rain.....more rain....and WET SHOES!!

Has been raining these past few daes. And in five daes alone ...i have used 8 pairs of socks! And now i have to find a time to wash those wet socks of mine. This wouldn't be a problem if it were'nt for the holes in my shoes. Am waiting for the day when shoes will start falling from the skies instead of rain....HAhaa... Rather waiting for the day my mama sympathises me and my shoes and gives me money to buy a new pair.

I left off in the previous post wondering how my frens at badminton are doing. Sad to sae that both lost to their relatively strong opponents. They had to face tougher opponents in the semis yesterdae.... which they also failed to overcome. They must be damn sad lah coz like Hock said.... so near yet so far. Well.... i guess getting third isnt that bad. At least they fought till the very end..... erm.... not the end yet coz their final game's next tuesdae and it will decide whether they're 3rd or 4th.Jiayou!!

Yesterdae....i got a letter from the Air Force. Well.... the letter was dated 11 May... it has been quite a while since we checked the letter box. Anw..... they said that i have been identified as a potential candidate to be a Military Pilot based on my medical fitness and educational standing(haha....they haven seen my latest results yet..). Anw.... they invited me to take a 5 hour Computerised Pilot Selection Test on the 3rd of June.

It's kind of power sia given this opportunity to try this kind of things. Haha.... BUt i wonder how many million other kids have got this letter. Put that aside.... it just feels like a chance to turn my dreams into reality. Coz in my younger daes.... i have always wanted to be a pilot. Its the normal ambitious dream every young kid would have. Haha..... in p5.... we were suppose to some sort of a note book where only our teacher could read what we write inside. I remember clearly that we were told to write abt what we want to be when we grow up.... and i told myself, and my teacher that i wanted to be a pilot. Sadly....as i grow up.... my mind begin to change. People grow up becoming more pragmatic...... and i realise that it is an unrealistic dream.... u noe... how many of us will be what we want to be? Little!... So receiving this letter kind of rekindled the dream i had as a little boy....and i'll see how it'll go come June. Haha....and they included at the end of the letter: "You will receive an exclusive souvenir upon the completion of the test." But i'll go to try turn the castle which i once built on the clouds into a reality.

Speech day todae. The only thing i took away from today was the valedictory speech by Vikram..... and the performances by various cultural grps like the band and CO and dance society. Haha .... when the dancers started to "Meow" at the start of their item..... everyone in my class started looking at me lah....haha... and i didn't stood up on my chair.

Suppose to go for a game at the french school in serangoon..... lycee dunnoe wat french de singapour... but since it's raining... i guess i ll miss today's game.

Sat for the physics test on fridae. Wahlao...so hard lah. Although i think i studied.... well i guess it wasnt enuff..

Got back my chem result.... failed it.... but nothing regarding the cheating incident. So yup... i overreacted....as usual.

Man.... it has been raining consecutively these past few days..... so dun u be upset ok? When u cry.... the sky cries too u noe! HaHA!! :p

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"
-Greenday-

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f***ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Man.... this song's so nice man. I feel that i can relate to this song sia. Am home early today.One word.....Exhausted. Electronics in my head. Statistics too..... can't bring myself to sit at the usual place and do work. So far....i just ate and ate and watched American Idol.... and before doing an essay..wanted to blog a while.

Looks like nothing is being said abt the stupid incident. Either the teachers haben really confirmed it or maybe i just thought too much. Coz Mdm Khoo(Chem teacher) spoke to me during tutorial...in a very concerned manner.... asking me why is my paper almost blank? Meaning that the cheating fiasco was just a suspected thingy..... the teacher just saw me looking at the other guy's paper..... Anw.... this is just a thought.... hopefully nothing big emerge as a result of this....except tt evry single one of my frens knew i cheated.... IF nothing really emerge, i should really count myself lucky....prayers answered.

Haha....Mdm Khoo sounds really concerned abt my studies lah. SHe keeps "waking me up" and ask me to better do something abt it. She's the one tt make me realise exactly how much time i have left....159 days!!

Wonder how the BT guys and girls are doing right now. If i got handphone, i could have called or sms... TOO BAD.....sien...... Better start some work now....

The day After Yesterday...

Really really ran out of idea for the title. Anw....didn't get called out by any teacher regarding yesterday's case. Maybe not so soon lah. GRr.... Anyway, today's feeling regarding yesterdae's issue was less intense lah. I have decided not to brood or think too much abt it. Based on past experience....getting mad at something does not do you any good. So today....i try to make things easy and enjoyable for myself.

AFter school, I went to the hall to pray.. and then sat on stage to watch Michelle play.... for one whole period. Think here think there but i was generally relaxed. WEnt to the place behind the canteen and started to sort out my file. Den i changed into a much comfortable outfit - the pe shirt- and walked around for a while. DEn i did Physics....ALL of the electronics tutorial in around an hour liddat..... den i walked ard again... eat some snacks... pray....

Den i did Maths....finished ALL of the remaining questions which i had left in ard 45 minutes... den i decided to read up on electronics again...coz my concepts are still not there yet. Walked slowly to the locker.......and took my time to get settled.... I did manage to learn a thing or two after reading ....

Then i decided to go for a run.... maintain my fitness.... Since it was wet, i wanted to run on the thread mill..... The machine was off....and while trying to make it come back to life...got chased out coz some ppl wanted to do gym duty. Hhahha... maybe not chased out coz they did tell us very politely to go out and come back later.

So i went back to the place behind the canteen. While reading electronics....felt tired.... so while waiting for the gym to be ready... i rested my head on the table.....and took a nap.ALmost fell asleep lah!.... It's abt 6 now....

So went back to the gym and started "fixing" the blardy threadmill.....after onning here and there.... interchanging the plugs and all..... i have come to a conclusion that either the machine is spoilt ...or the plug extensions were faulty. SO i ended up running ard the track...... The hole in my shoe has OFFICIALLY become bigger!

RAn 6-7 rounds. Inconsistent running sia.....there were sprints which weren't really sprints.... fast jog...slow jog....walk.... damn tiring sia..... den Kim took out a ball and we started kicking the ball ard......den we started to join the recre game... boring!.... BUt it filled my time lah.....by 715.... i decided to make my move.... so ran one more round...

While cooling down....wenta the mph to see badminton. SAw 2 Hocks playing together lah. HAha......it's this other J1 guy in badminton who to me ...."feelS" like Hock.... ANw.... while watching the Hocks plae....den there seems to be an argument breaking out in the gurls team. Dunnoe wat happened but the impt thing is..... everything's ok. Or at least tts wat Hock told me. MAn.....now's not the time to be fighting lah.....fight to win yes.....but not this internal fighting.....but its common lah....as long it doesnt affect their performance can already....

DEn i wenta change....pray....and go home...

Upon reaching home, i ate dinner. WAhlao....my bro make me super angry lah. I was eating.... holding the plate of fried noodles up..... den he bang into my hand... and the whole plate fell lah! Wahlao....den there's no more left lah. DAmn stupid lah! And damn am i hungry now. DEn i watched TV...decided to bathe later.... watched some malay cultural show while ironing tmr's set of uniform....den watched CNA's 360. Something abt women and how they are affected by wars and natural disaster... ONe interesting fact mentioned was tt there were more women who died as compared to men during the tsunami.... and one of the reason why this is so is that women tend to help as many people as they can....like the children, babies, mother.... and while trying to do this....face difficulties and die... Was an eye opener for me lah.... coz this kind of things never come out in papers one...

DEn i fell asleep while watching it..... till when i heard my grandma waking me up. SO i go bathe.....pray..... and decided to blog!......which i am already almost finishing...

DONE! So i just wanna say again tt i m trying to let yesterdae stay a yeserday and not bring it along for the days to come..... i am really worried abt wat could possibly happen.... but.... i'll just have to face the consequences lah. No point being afraid abt it. AM just living life to the fullest now.......

physics test this Thursday.....i noe what i m not suppose to do..... Still so much homework to do..... how to revise my work..... Haiz.... kk.....better sleep now....if not tmr tired again.......

K lah.....nitez!!

Utterly disappointed in myself...

Am utterly disappointed in myself. What was i thinkin! MARZUKI!! What were u thinking!!

"Marzuki..... u just did something damn stupid u noe tt? So much for saying that u wun cheat again in future. See what happen now? GOt caught somemore! Well.... the teacher din actually sae that u cheat.... but u were looking at his paper alright. Hey! Keep your eyes to your own paper lah next time....if there IS a next time. Skali u'll be kicked out of school for doing such a dishournarable thing and barred from any exams for the rest of ur life."

To think that I actually wanted to be a millionaire. Am truly disappointed in myself now man. Tomorrow will be a different world altogether man.... teachers will start looking at you differently..... your friends... I am thinking at 100km/h right now lah..Haiz... It's just a lesson for me to learn from. Man.....i really dunnoe where to put my face right now. Man.... what kind of a class leader am I? Put that aside....... what kind of a brother am I?? I dun have the courage to tell my mum what happened. Man.....that'll really disappoint her lah! SHe asks me how things are in school....asking me to put my utmost effort into this final lap of mine. And here i am doing such disgraceful things. If my siblings ever find out about this...my clean image as a rather smart brother will be gone lah!...haiz....."

Am trully trully disappointed man..... the thought of the consequences did came across my mind.... how it is prohibited and all....and all i can say to myself then was "Just one more time. It wun hurt." WRONG!

AM not blaming my lousy luck lah. Like there's ever a thing called luck. Everything is pre-planned.That's fate. CAn't help but keep thinking abt it lah.... Am going to slp over it...

Dreams....coincidence?..... and Mama's boy

Dreams....purely imaginary....just images from our subconcious being played back while we sleep. But when it has links to the real world.... and when things become strangely coincidental....one just can't help but wonder...can he? Well one thing's for sure, dreams should remain where they are..... in Dreamland.

Just watched the scariest movie i've ever seen. Damn irritating lah the show. So shocking and filled with suspense. And here's the title of the movie..."Deep Blue Sea"..
Haha.... abt the shark.... yeah.... i got damn irritated by all the shocks(and sharks) tt i gave up and went online.

Chem test tmr.... shaky concepts..... gonna let this one fly by me...Never thought i'd sae this....but i surrender.. I started too late. I always live to regret. Here's a personal note to Marzuki...

"Eh Marzuki! Marzuki here! Just tell u ar. U shouldnt live to regret wat u've done! I wonder wat u're doing rite now if u are reading this some 15 years from now....HAha... A millionaire i hope! =P ....anw... Just want to sae to you tt you shouldnt do things last minute ok? I noe the "mood" is hard to come by. BUt dun follow the flow.... follow ur heart. Just pick up ur notes and a pen and paper.... and write down stuffs. U wun feel gd being "forced" by urself to do work... but at least u aren't wasting ur time and leaving things to the last minute. See...tmr i got chem test, and i just started work todae. Still got some more topics to do. Yes, the mood was here since morning...but as light fades to darkness....and as Mr Sun makes way for Mrs Moon..... i began to realise that there ain't much time for me to mug. So I gave up and watched tv and talked to friends. I really wanted to do work, but topics like electrochem and NMR cannot be understooded in just a short period of time. Wat i am thinkin now is,like i said, i'm gonna regret wat i've done...and i'll let tmr's...well...todae's test fly by.... and start waking up in preparation for the bigger exam. EH marzuki.... u noe that whenever u sae u wanna wake up.... u really really wanna wake up. BUt most probably, u always seems to wake up rather late. So from the bottom of my heart....i m telling u right now not to make the same mistakes that u have made before.... and i really hope that the Marzuki reading this is a millionaire! But if u aren't....den i have to sae tts it's my fault ure not wat i want u to be.... but i promise u.... if i want u to be a millionaire.... damn will i try my best to make u one. Just remember, in case u forget,in case my mind gets polluted by the thoughts of money,......just remember who u were. Where u used to be. Wat u used to be like. The ppl who helped u. The ppl who supported u. Never ever let silly things like money brain wash you. My first note to myself.... the Marzuki who will one day read this again in future.."

WOrds....words can mean a lot. Words can either raise ur spirit..... or crush ur morales. But my spirits were high tonight. Becoz of words.... such nice words said abt me... never have anyone been so nice... never have anyone been so close to me.... feel so darn touched lah....

Anw....came across this article while surfing the net...found it interesting.

When Mr. Right is a "Mama's Boy"
By Lynn Harris

A Mother's Love

Candles, soft music, a bottle of wine, and...Mom? Everyone knows the unflattering stereotype of "mama's boys" and the mothers who love them. He's dependent, immature and, if you are his girlfriend, he puts her first. To you, his mom may seem nagging and invasive. And, if you are his girlfriend, you fear she hates you.

But this stereotype also comes in a more appealing scenario. He loves and respects his mom, so he loves and respects women -- including you. His mom is wise, cool, and, because she just wants to see him happy, she likes you.

In fact, a new study suggests that the second scenario is closer to the truth. Researchers at Ferrum College in Virginia have found a correlation between men who are close to their moms and women who are satisfied with their partners.

A man's relationship with his mother, says researcher Sarah R. Roberts, "is his first introduction to femininity, and where he gets many of his ideals." Her survey revealed that men who feel close to their mothers tend to have partners who feel "understood"; men who feel understood by their moms are described as "affectionate" by their partners; and men who feel they communicate their feelings effectively with Mom have partners who are happier in general.

The study included 33 couples, who were in dating relationships. The men answered a questionnaire describing the degree of closeness they felt with their moms, while the women sounded off on the level of satisfaction they felt with their partners.

Such findings confirm our instincts about men and their moms. As Judy, 38, a financial planner in Palo Alto, California, says of her fiancé: "One of the first things he said was what a great person his mom is, which I took, correctly, to be a good sign about him and his ability to have a high-quality relationship with a woman -- say, me."

Adds New York attorney Rachel, 30, "Look for the guy who reminds you about Mother's Day."

He "Gets" Women

John, 43, a customer service representative in Ridgewood, New York, is one of those guys. He lived at home -- paying rent and doing his own cleaning -- before marrying at 32. His dad worked three jobs when he was little, so, John says, "My mom was my parent." He was also the only boy among three sisters and a grandmother.

"If any man could claim to be in tune to 'a woman's way of thinking,' I can," he says. "I still do things that startle my wife, like being able to help her pick out clothes." His upbringing, he says, helped him not think of women as a scary, mysterious other species, but rather as fellow humans that one can -- and should -- learn to get along with.

Patricia, 25, a marketing executive in Long Island, New York, loves her boyfriend's closeness -- literally -- with his mom. "Most women would run from a 26-year-old man living with his momma, but my boyfriend's so sweet that he enjoys helping his parents out financially and doesn't need to move in order to be independent," she says. "He feels comfortable asking her advice, including 'Patricia's sick -- what should she eat?' To me, 'Mama's boy' equals future family man [and the most] wonderful boyfriend I have ever had."

Still, there's close, and there's too close. "My ex got a mild case of dengue fever when we were in Asia. His mom flew to Thailand to take care of him for a few days, and he didn't try to stop her," recalls Veronica, 28, a travel agent in San Diego. "I felt like, what am I, chopped liver?"

The study did pinpoint where a man's relationship with his mother could cross that kind of line. According to Roberts, men who said their mom was their "best friend" were described as less "considerate" by their partners. "In my opinion, it makes sense -- if he's spending all that time with his 'best friend,' his partner might feel left out," she says.

Strategic Tips

How to share him with Mom

Your guy's so close to his mom that he's often spending time with her and helping out. How can you compete?

Remember, this is a guy you can talk to. "You could say, 'I love that you have such a great relationship with your mom, but sometimes I feel a little jealous, or worried that somehow I won't measure up,'" says Albuquerque, New Mexico psychologist Christine Nicholson, PhD. "If he's had that compassionate relationship with a strong maternal figure, he'll probably be able to say, 'Honey, I have a different kind of love for you and no one can replace or surpass that!'" Often, says Nicholson, just feeling heard can make you feel better.

He's cleaning out her gutters? Perfect! Quality alone time --or Girl Time -- for you.

Spend some time with his mother (without him) every now and then. You'll feel less like an accessory and more like a member of the family.

What if she's not on his good side?

What if you're thinking: My guy doesn't get along with his mom, and our relationship is fine. Should I be concerned? Should I encourage him to patch things up with her?

If you're happy, there may be nothing to fix. Studies show, Nicholson notes, that abused children do not necessarily become adult abusers. Likewise, she says, "A guy who has not had a good relationship with his mom might yearn for a positive relationship with a woman, even bend over backwards to make it happen."

Helping him mend fences "shouldn't become your mission," says Nicholson. "No one has to have a good relationship with their mother." Some things are best left in the past, and some things, strictly speaking, are not your business.

If their hostility does affect you and your relationship, that's where you have some say.

Keep the focus limited to your feelings and your dynamic, cautions Nicholson. Rather than criticizing him -- or worse, criticizing his mother -- say "Let's figure this out together."

(PS: Nothing to do with me and my life. Any resemblence to me or my life is purely coincidental.)

I'm becoming like Hock!! Help me!!

Dun get distracted by the title..... i still look like me..not like Hock. Wat i mean by i'm becoming like him is in the sense that i too tend to sleep a lot nowadays. YEsterdae...i slept at 8 lah! Immature sleeping again! I wanted to study chem lor! And go online too! Wahlao! I'm feeling tired and i not quite sure why. Maybe i m dying.....




Haha....just kiddin! =p

Anw, maybe my weekends will start becoming like this. I have to pay all the debts i owe to myself. My sleep debts. All those wake-up-early mornings and sleep-late night are taking its toll on me. Maybe i also slackening fitness wise. I think i must make it a point to run every day. Will it make me more tired at night?? Or would it make me more energised? GRr..... sien...

One whole saturday wasted! Did nothing!! Disappointed in myself. I couldnt bring myself to touch my notes lah. Chem test tmr and i didnt start revision yet! So much for planning. I m just too tired.

If i m really dying...... i just want to sae few words before i go. Tt i haven really been the best of frens....i haven really been the best brother ard...i haven really been the best son around.... I am not fully prepared to leave this world but if i really am goin... Friends.... dun miss me ok?

Haha.... lame..... whether i am dying or not i dunnoe lah.....but I M NOT COMMITING NO SUICIDE!! Tt would mean hell for me straight away! Hahaha....

Just disappointed in myself ...tts all.. If i dun help myself, how can God help me? BUt regarding my "last words", haha.... dun worry. I m still here. Those words should only take effect on the day i die.

Argh!! The more i think abt yesterdae, the more i m disappointed lah. DAmn wasted day! I dun think i can study everything todae lah. Cheating is an option..... but it is a very disgraceful thing to do. After finding out what the Prophet says....i dun think i ll cheat for the rest of my life lah! I guess i ll just study as much as i can and God will help me in one way or another.... idling is also prohibited. I shouldn't be wasing anymore time worrrying. Just put it aside and do the next best thing coz tmr is Mondae....not Saturdae again!

Btw....i hv been having dreams man.... she seems upset in my dreams.... This dreams began on Thursdae night lah....3 daes ago.... But i dun think she's upset, or is she?

Anw, hope u all have enjoyed ur weekend . Spend ur Sunday well ok? And those taking their chem test tmr... all the best lah. And those taking chem test on Tuesdae...(u noe hu u r)... Gd luck....... And those playing for AJ in any kind of tournament.... play ur best game ok? Dun worry abt the schools u r playing against... dun worry if it is a decider or not.... just really really play ur best.......just believe tt u WILL go far!

Better start my day proper now.....Gd morning and goodbye!

PEaceful week.SPA. The race against time.

This week went past without me writing anything on my blog. After each and every single day, I seem to face less and less problems that i need to share with the whole world. Hahaa... i dun really feel the need to "release any pressure".

Anyway, had physics spa on monday evening. Wahlao.... i was so damn prepared lah! I really really memorised all the steps lah.... and did the whole thing in less than half an hour lah. Damn glad lah. I seem to be able to absorb the things i read better. Another one of my many prayers answered.

Am thinkin abt what happened on the other days this week but I am facing difficulties recalling what i did on these days man. Haha..... my mind is really at peace.

Thursdae 15 minutes civics period was spent discussing abt Be yourself day on May 27. Had to come up with a theme. Denim was the only theme that had practically the whole class raising their normally heavy hands up in support. So yeah.... we ll be wearing anything that is made of denim.

WEnt to the talk on Thursdae.... the christian-muslim dialogue lecture.... but the lecture end up talking abt education and how the arab world has contributed to the world and conflicts and all....what the..... more like a social studies lesson than a "dialogue". Far from what i had initially expected.

Friday. Chem spa. Did really well too. But i am not proud of what i did during spa. I wonder if theres anything in my holy book that says about cheating in exams. HAha... Was googling abt this and i found out that i mustn't be doing it lah. MAn..... The Prophet says that "He who cheats does not belong to us." MAn.... but i have to admit that i didn't know about this until before just 2 minutes ago. So now that i am aware of it.... better not cheat anymore in future.

Man..... living by the Book is really hard lah. I seem to be finding out abt new things every day lah. I have not been listening intentionally to music for almost a week or two now coz i found out that it is prohibited. I read from some websites that music will like pollute ur head and tt when a song get stuck in your head, it will be hard for u to remember practically anything lah. What i mean is that the stuff u learn will be forgotten easily.I find it quite true too.... especially during the days i listen to Hock's mp3 lah. The songs were like soo good and i was like "addicted" to it lah..... But having feel the need to change.... i will try my best to avoid doing things that must be avoided....

This sudden change in me....spiritually.... is due to my studies lah. I, like many others, have always wanted to do well like other good students. But i never could get close to where i want. I have heard many of my religious teachers saying that ur religion is the foundation of everything. If ur faith is strong.... u do what's right and avoid doing what's wrong.... then, ur other aspects of life should be well taken care of by God. I realised that although i knew what's right and what's wrong.... i didn't really observed that knowledge of mine. I continued doing what i knew was wrong. My bad habits were ongoing. I wasn't really a muslim. I was just a muslim by name.... not by actions. And just 2-3 weeks ago..... i felt as though God was showing me the path i should be following and i shouldnt really waste this chance to get back on the right path. I watch closely the things i do. I watch closely the things i want to say. I watch closely the thoughts in my mind. Anything bad will be erased by thoughts of God.... and his punishment. I must always think about the life after death. Coz many of my teachers have constantly been reminding us that the world we live in now is temporary. At the end of the world.... and people rise from their graves.... that's when the real things start. WE will be given our "report card".... if our sins are more than our good deeds.... we will have to serve our 'sentence' in hell. If all is well.... then heaven is the place we ll go to. Grr..... scary thoughts...

Anw..... tt was digression at its best. I went way off what i was supposed to say. Haha.... After school.... it was a race against time. After gp, Eugene asked if i wanted to go support Hock... it was an excellent thing to do after school....coz i have always wanted to see them play... but the obstacle was Friday prayers lah. We cannot miss it for any reason man.... At that time, it was 11.30am.(My class finish early..haha..) Then Ms Tan cancelled her Physics make-up lesson. So i was like...i want to go but friday prayers how? If i go after prayers.... den it will be too late. SO the only way for me to go was to pray at a mosque in TAmpines. But the next obstacle is.... where is the mosque? HAha... SO i rushed to the com lab.... looked for the area map of the Tampines Sports Hall on Google.... and guess what? The mosque is right behind the Sports Hall lah. My lucky day.

The next obstacle was time. I had to reach before the prayer starts... which is ard 1.15pm. Since we can only leave school at 12.15pm.... i really am afraid i couldnt make it in time lah. I knew i could take 969 to Tampines... but i haven actually used 969 before. I went to google the route that 969 took...and it seem like the fastest lah. All i had to do was run to the MRT station...take the train to Khatib. Take the 969 to Tampines. ANd i got 45 minutes to do that. 50 minutes to be exact coz i left skool at 12.10pm. So much for following closely to the rules. Haha.... i really wanted to see them play lah. So upon reaching YCK Mrt station... i only had to wait a couple of miutes before the train arrived. BUt when i went to the bus stop, 969 took an awfully long time lah. 1230 den it reached. Was looking at my watch...praying that i could make it in time. Hah... 1255 and i was already inside the mosque. Damn fast sia. Phew!

Btw.... i had to make my way there alone lah. Coz Eugene they all wanted to take the train. They ask me if i knew what i was doing....coz if i got lost, there's no way of contacting them or them contacting me. Haha....i guess it was just a risk i had to take and i told them that if i do get lost, then i'll just go home. Haha...

The atmosphere in the hall was tense lah. I can feel the tension even though i was just a spectator lah. HAh..... but the feeling when u noe ur skool's winning is shiok lah. At first i was like just wathcing....and praying that the team would win. Den ppl like Kang wei was like telling me to cheer for them.... and aj's coach...wahlao! Bastard me lah. I was like standing beside him while Kang wei was talking to me... den he told kang wei that the supporters today are lousy. Watch only never shout. Haha.... basket.

I want to shout and all but it being the first time in my life i watch a badminton match... i didnt really noe anything lah. I didnt know when we scored points and all.... haha... i scared i clap wrongly....hha... and i didn't know what to shout oso lah. Not that i was the type who would shout lah. Haha.... but i cannot tahan the coach saying that the supporters were lousy lah. Wahlao.... after all the trouble i had to face with to see AJ play....haha....

SO i learnt that the only things ppl say were "Jiayou!".... and "Good judge!" and..."it's ok".... and "cmon".... and "focus".... and "keep the ball in"... and " nice one!"..... haa.... and "Get it back!" seems to be Yuying's line.... coz no one else said it lah....haha...Anw, so i quickly applied what i heard lah.... grr...tt coach's reverse psychology must've worked on me lah.. And i was losing my voice too lah. Haha...... Wah...so shiok ah the feeling...

Incredible Hock wasnt incredible lah. WAhlao....he and his partner lost lah. But i see like it was his partner fault lah! Always hit the ball out. BUt hock say its both of them fault. Which is the politically correct thing to say lah.... Becoz of the fact that the guys still haven won yet.. we had to support them lah. Then i missed to see Yuying play lah..... Haha.... no one there to support her lah.... coz the gurls already won and the guys desperately needed support. HAha......finals.....

Anyway....i got this feeling that they would win. Coz five times a day, i pray to see them be champions. Hopefully....this prayer would be answered. Hhaa...... i didn't pray for the soccer team to win....coz at that time....i wasnt really a full time muslim lah....haha...god willing.... this AJ team will go far..... ANw, So both the guys and the gurls won their first match of the second round. Shiok sia the feeling. It was the next best feeling after my jumps during sports day. so...Cmon guys! GO far!! You can do it one...

An old malay man who was watching the game talked to me for a while. He said that the fat indian guy was good but the chinese is even better. He was referring to Qiuteng. And he was there watching Yaohui play. And he said that if the AJ team keep on playing like this.... we will get a cup.YOU will get YOUR cup. Hope he's right.....

See.... i got nothing negative to release this week. No burdens to share with anyone. BUt i better start studying for chem test this mondae now.....haha....

Man.... my blog is becoming more and more boring sia.... looks like if this goes on... my readership will go on a decline....and fast!Hhaha..

Peace!=)

Did so much yet so little

This whole dae i did AC, QUantum physics, Group 7 tutorials! All done. I even attempted the first 4 qn of analogue electronics...which is so freakin cheem lah!

But i feel like i got so many other things left! How....i always feel like i have not enuff time lah. Grr....did do much, yet it feels like i did nothing.

Cmon lah Ali!

Am having fun at home doing nothing. Yup...... the home is the best place to be in lah. I didnt do anything after 5 lah! Wanted to do maths but ended up watching tv. Precious sand in the hour glass trickled by just like that!

Not much to tok abt tonite i guess.... nothing much happened todae. Except tt i saw the news regarding the Iranian style of law. Cool man! Damn cool lah!

And tt i really cant help but think of the worst possible scenario. And tt i just cant help but worry. And tt there is a limit to everything. And tHat Giving in isn't evrything.

Nite!

Flu-Headaches-Awareness

Man....i m sick sia. Must becoz of Tuesdae's soccer in the rain. NOw got spells of headache and my nose seeems to be 'running' non-stop. I guess the tissue industry will be making lots of money.

Had soccer recre yesterdae. We played 11 a side. Haiz..... disappointed and frustrated sia. Most of those who played were not from the recre team lah. Only some people turn up. I m beginning to find recre a waste of my time lah. With that 2-3 hours, i could have finished the whole charge particles questions in the TYS lah. Yong wanted to quit lah..... me too. But i really feel that it is not right for us to quit(or give up just like that). It ll be like so irresponsible of us as leaders to raise the White Flag above our heads when the going gets tough. WE came to a decision which will make both of us happy. Simply call for a meeting. See how many people turn up. If got a lot, then we ask them to select people to be their 'captain' and organize the whole thing lah. If got so little people.... we ll simply close shop i guess. But what abt those who has recre soccer as their only cca. Suck man. BUt since the A's are coming... i better not care abt all tis things lah. Irresponsible? Sorry... no choice.

And knowing that i was sick and all.....i did a very stupid thing lah. Which is to play soccer yesterday. Didn't help me in any ways lah. Haa...

Had a small talk with my chem teacher. She tok abt me and my grades and my other subject grades. I told her chem was my weakest but my two other subjects not that good either. She asked me what i m doing abt it and all thatand told me to make a study plan of what i am going to do and give it to her next week. MAn...... though troublesome..... i find it sort of as a necessary evil. MAde me more focus abt what i want.

Did my werk at 'the place behind the canteen' on thursdae like any other dae. SO many people passing by. Some said hi. Others told me to study hard. BUt many called me mugger. Hhaa..... Man..... but like one of my cousin said, mugger is the IN thing now. yeah! A couple of J1s said i have no life. Everyday see me with my books. In my first year in college, i sort of wasted my whole life then lah. I got no time to waste now. Haha...

And i slept early on Thursae. 7.30pm sia. Must have felt really tired. Lucky fridae is a short dae....no nd to prepare tutorials.... BUT my uniforms weren't ironed yet lah! Then woke up late on fridae. NOt that late but fifteen minutes late. Put my uniform on the iron board and bathed lah. Incidentally, my sis came out of her room..... and went to iron her uniform lah. And she THREW my clothes on the chair lah. Wahlao! DONT WANT TO HELP ME! So much for brother-sister thingy.

Well, to make the whole story short, when i finished bathing, my clothes were all ironed lah. I asked my mama if she helped me lah and she said no. It was my sis that helped me iron my clothes. Aww man.... -touched- and my sis didnt sae anything lah. SHe simply made her way to the bathroom.

Yups..... i guess my another one of my many prayers have been answered. I wanted me and my sis and my bros to be closer together. And looks like they are getting along with me quite well now. For slightly more than a week now t hat i have never raised my voice at her. When she uses the com in my room, i ll do my werk on the floor. She'll leave by 10 lah.... and will ask me i want to use the com before she shuts the com down. I no longer like 'hate her presence for dunnoe what reason'. I simply let her use the com..... she wants to use it to chat or do her work dun really matter to me lah. Coz i myself do chat more than do werk on the com. Now my bros will be the one sabo-ing my sister . But i just tell them to shut up only. They ask if i am letting my sis chat and all that.... i just said... just keep quiet.

I guess before i do anything stupid at my sis again..... the words of a friend will be played in my mind over and over again. Make me realise what i should be doing and what i should not do. I am really lucky to have a friend like this.

And btw, i realised that many of my frens read my blog. People like King (Kim), Yong, Ronaldo...... and they saw this other side of me lah. Man..... haha.....and i end up in this weird situation when my blogging personality meets the real world.

Yong asked me why i dun fight back and all when ppl 'bully' me. And i should be angry when ppl bully me..... He asked me if i had seen him being angry before.... haha... if course..... but i just told him tt i cant get angry..... tt its just not me to get angry lah..... haha...... he talked abt giving me advices since he is the youngest in the family... but at tt point, he meant it as a joke lah... not the right timing.... and he told me to tell them things i normally say on my blog..... and that he is surprised to noe what i m inside..... even after six years knowing me.....since sec 1. Man..... i can talk thru the blog with little problem.... coz there's no one to interupt what i sae. No one laughing at the littlest mistake that i make. No one watching me stutter when i talk. When i blog, it seems as though i m talking to a very good listener. Coz i can talk and talk all i want and reader would just listen. Haha... i just told them(Yong ronaldo and mark) that i just let my fingers do the talking.

Man...... when the blogging personality meets the real world.... I ll be in deep trouble.... haha....

Like i've said, i am sick. And dunnoe why, when i am really sick, i ll think abt death. I rethink abt myself, think abt my family and friends but most importantly, think about my faith. Whether or not i am prepared to leave this temporary world. Coz i haven really done enuff to be ready for Judgement. I only started recently. Its good to think about death. Makes u think abt the future.

Before i end, i just wanna share something tt happened yesterdae and a couple of daes back.

Yesterday, i was so deep in thought that even when the green man turned red, i was still walking slowly-- only to realise that the green man had turned red and i had better walk fast if i ever wanted to continue walking.

A couple of days back, I was awoken in the middle of the night by the television which had its volume turned on very loudly. In my mind, i was saying that i better wake up early to ask my sis to switch off the TV to prevent her from yet another scolding. Sadly, i woke up late. BUt my sis didnt get scolded. My mum's nagging woke me up and she said my name. She said it was surely me who left the TV on. I went out only to realise that the TV that was on was not my sis's but the living room one. No one in the family admitted having switch on the tv. And although i usually wake up in the middle of the night to watch soccer matches, i would turn the volume to mute. And there was no matches on Tuesdae. ANd my dad said before he slept, he went to the kitchen to drink water and the tv was off when he went back to his bedroom. ME and my bros were already sleeping then. SO who was it?

My mum simply said that 'IT' should have helped her fold the pile of clothes that were directly in front of the TV. And this has happened once before in this house, and a couple of times in the old house. In the old house, the main plug to the tv is off.... yet the tv can on one lah...... basket!

SO who was it? HAha....becoz of tis, i didnt wake up the next night to catch the chelsea game...for fear that i ll be watching it with SOMEONE ELSE....

By the way....

Am surprised to see the ad down there. Coz i c n p the article from the TNP website and haha.... the ad must have been c n p -ed along. C n P is not some funny wae of saying Permutation and Combination. It simply stands for copy and paste. Obvious? Nope.... a fren made me realise that c n p is not p n c. Hah.... so yups.... I m not helping to promote ST or anything ya.... And if there's a rise in their subscription....they must give me incentives sia... haha....yup..... i didnt noe u can cut and paste pictures into blogs.... lemme try it again...


(after several tries)
....well i guess it didnt werk the second time round
-nite!

Scribble........scribble...... scribble

Yup! U guessed it! I m bored. Well.... exhausted seems to be the word. Am doing chem remedial tutorial-- Ionic Equilibria.(Last year's topic).Man.... i forgot evn the basics lah. Read notes oso cannot really apply lah. Gosh! This is just one out of the many J1 topics lah. Haiz... how am i goin to cope. -worried-

Have been keepin up with my J2 werks. Beaten Hock again in the P n C test. Haha! But can understand lah. I have been a free bird for quite a while now. People all have trainings and games and what not. While everyone is busy doin tt, I m SUPPOSED to be doin my hw lah. Haha... did manage to spend most of that 'free time' fruitfully. I guess after his tournament... i better watch out for him. Yups.

Speaking of tournaments.... both the guys and gurls badminton won their first games sia... 5-0 and 5-0 respectively. Great job! But they better not get carried away too much and become complacent or cocky. They should cherish the moment and build up on this momentum. Yups.... all the way guys....

And cockiness and complacency..... one word...CHELSEA! YEAH!! They lost to Liverpool. Haha.... man.... were they brought back down to earth HARD! Chelsea is a great team... but their cockiness games after games make me wanna slap their faces lah. Man U losing points didn't help lah.... haha....so yups.... Liverpool weren't expected to even make it to the semis lah....But they beat the best team in the world and will be in the finals. One word....."inspiration". Truly an inspiration to us all.

Was reading the NewPaper.... besides pics after pics....reports after reports of Liverpool's triumph over the Blues.... something caught my eye... and i ll leave u with this..

A FRIEND should be radical.
He should hug when you are unhuggable, love when you are unlovable, and bear when you are unbearable.
A friend should be fanatical.
He should cheer when the whole world boos,
Dance when you get good news and cry when you cry too.
But most of all, a friend should be mathematical.
He should multiply the joy,
Divide the sorrow,
Subtract the past,
and add it to tomorrow.
Calculate the need deep in your heart,
And always be bigger than the sum to all of these parts.
- Spotted by Tay Shi'an
(TNP 04/05/05)

Confessions. Its my fault.

Had a long long chat wif someone last night. Haha..... tok abt everything lah.Friends. Siblings. Problems. Conflict. Concepts. Advice. ....yea...I learnt the gurl's side of the story lah. WEll i am well aware of my sis feelings before my fren even talked to me abt it lah. Hhahaa... coz i m the kind of guy who is empathic-- can see things from someone else's point of view. Haha...at least this is what the online EQ test report told me. Haha... i got 130 for my EQ.

But nevertheless, being a guy, I dun really do anything much until I really hear the things i needed to hear from someone else lah. So SHE kindda made me realise tt this.... me and my sis... should not continue the way it has been all this while. She said that i should probably change but told me she is not telling me to change lah. But she added that if i really want to continue the way me and my sis get along... and continue to 'hate' her... then its my choice. Haaah....in other words.... i MUST change lah.

She told me that she and her bro were like me and my sis. They used to fight and all. But now they are like best fren. Haha..... and she told me it took them 2 years. BUt i guess 2 years is really a long time. Maybe i ll give myself a few months. HAha.... its more of me changing meself than her changing her own self. So yups..... my scope for this situation has really been widened.... thanks to a friend who is extremely understanding and is willing to waste her time listening to my complains. Haha.....

Me sis and me bros(yup they're back) went to Snow City wif their cuz. Man.... absolute peace at home....... yup.... i talked to her nicely. As in ask her who else is going.... and she said goodbye to me before they left. Hhaa..... i never said goodbye to her when i leave for skool and all. Its more like bye to my mum and dad and brothers.... but not to her even though she's there when i m leaving lah. HAaha

Yesterdae, she asked me if i wanted prata for breakfast so she could cook it for me coz she was cooking hers. Being me... and maybe my awkwardness and all... i said no lah.... though i was damn hungry. I ended up cooking it myself.

ON Satudade, i woke up first and reheated the fried rice lah. For my own self. I ate and went back to my room to do stuff. Then after my sis woke up and all, and when i went back to the kitchen.... i saw that she reheated the rice for two lah. Her and me. I was like.... -ashamed-

Gurls will be gurls and guys will be guys. I noe i am not the perfect big brothers around but i noe that i can be coz u see..... the problem is not wif my sis but more in me. BUt of course i wun really admit that its totally my fault lah. HAha..... guys....

WEll..... long dae todae... have to study for tmr class test. My tutorials are all ahead from the rest. Am proud of myself. Haha......

And to my frens having competitions, all the best in ur events ya! I wun wanna wish u luck and all coz i dun really believe in luck. I believe that everything lies deep within urself lah. So just do ur best and Play the best game u have ever played. Never never never NOT give ur best.... and never never never look back at a defeat and say that u could or should have done better. Coz u have already did what u could.Ok?

Yup. And all the best in watever u readers are doing in life! :)

Sien dae. DAmn sien dae

Me bros and mum and dad coming home tonight or tomorrow morning i think. Have not been eating proper food man. Just reheated fried rice fried a couple of daes back. ANd ate biscuits.... lotsof biscuits. Did washing and mopping and sweeping.....and my sis did her fair share of work....after much reminders for me.

Man i find that gurl "amazing". She is now outside in the living room watching movie... clean ones that is... WITH 2 OR 3 OF HER GIRL FRIENDS LAH!! Basket! I can't believe she invited her friends over lah! Lucky no boys. If not i really dunnoe wat to do lah. If got boys and i dun do anything, confirm my parents will scold me lah. Man..... the gurls are tokin SO bloody loud as if they are the only ones here. And their language is somewhat .... neighbourhood... if u noe wat i mean. Haiz.... i cant understand my sis lah. I would think twice before askin my frens over.

The rain helps A LOT by making time pass ever so slowly. Like grr... Am now like stuck in my room and like waiting for THEM to leave.... Again, grrr....

Did nothing much todae lah except for NE quiz and Probability. Had fun doin the quiz wif 2 other guys. Had more fun after finishing the quiz.... but i cannot go on to elaborate.... haha... was in such crappy mood lah....haha...Doin more stuff later... i hope..

NOW should be the word to use. Yups. Will do it now i guess. WOnder how 'normal' people are spending their weekends out there?

PEace! And mum....dad....hurry home pls.... I am hungry....