Camera I

Though lots happened, there's nothing much that i can really say.

Ever since i came back, ive been busy googling about the incident and was expecting people who were there to write about it. Surprisingly there was only 2. The first was pretty harmless but the second which i found today was rather disturbing.

Been warned of guys like me doing random searches over the net. And the consequences of saying more than you should can be bad for your records. Which is why im staying low.

I brought along a digicam of mine for my r&r in taipei. First time using it. Took lots of pictures at first but sadly most arent proper. Like this one...

And this one...
And this one ......

And after 1 day of taking pictures, i was lying on my bed in the hotel room looking at my snaps and i was shocked to see the end results. Then i decided to take snapshots of my hotel room to see what could have gone wrong so that im able to capture better pics on my last day of r&r.

The sink ....
The toilet.... and bathtub..
Realised that my technique was wrong. Tried a new way.

The bed....
The windows....

And the sink...
And this marked the beginning of better pictures.

Sunny Hot Singapore

Hello there. Feels good to be back home.

I remember telling my mama that i wouldnt be calling her for the next 16 days prior to my departure and that there's nothing to worry about and that nothing would happen. That i have been there and done that. But who would have expected the bird?

Ive been calling her ever since and stopped before my handphone bill burns a hole in my pocket.

Was a nice guy. Always seeing him around in camp. Happy. Hardworking. My heart and prayers to him and his family.

NEXT STOP:

Chiang Kai Shek International Airport.

S3

Watched spidey 3 today at suntec (the platoon were given free tickets). Great movie. First time i wenta suntec. At first i didnt had a clue where suntec was, though ive read about it in the newspaper some years back. My men was like saying i was like a frog under a coconut shell but i guess it's ok to be one coz this frog's been to suntec. It was only a matter of time before the frog gets out.

One of the rare times i go out........ and whenever i go out on outings like this, i see people and places, i see the stuffs ive been missing out on. And i feel like...... the frog. ahha...

But i know this is how i choose to live my life, till i feel that the time is right to start enjoying life. Until then, i shall enjoy life from the comforts of my home.

less of the old stuff

i think this post will be less of how i dread spending weekends or how im stuck in the same old room or how ive been at home ever since i came back from camp.... even though all this is still true.

ive been thinking about the course im taking. The more i talk to people, the more i dun feel like doing civil engineering. Realised that im not really really looking forward to doing CvE. Ive been thinking .......

......i wanna do sthg that i wanna look forward to. Sthg like how i always look forward to booking in to camp. I like doing what i do back in camp -- lets just say its a very challenging job. And i just have this feeling that i wun be THIS enthusiastic -- should i choose to do civil engineering.

Which brings me to the question of my alternative to civil engineering.

Ive been thinking about doing something related to the social world. Psychology, counselling, social work........... working with kids, troubled teens, addicts, families...... in schools, hospitals, childcare centres.......... helping people in need, help them find the light at the end of the tunnel....
HR.......

This might sound weird coz i may not seem like the people kind. But im starting to feel and believe that this is something i'd like.

So been doing some reading about SimU. Looks like a school that i could be in. But the minimum age is 21. meaning that i can only enter on january 2009. Which would also mean that i can work for 1 year.... Now im just a lil unsure about the course fees. Or if i could get some financial assistance.

Hope i'll be doing what i want to do in future instead of what the uni decides for me.........

On Off...

Will start writing when i stop writing about the same old things.

the friends

i am so so bad at remembering names. Met 2 of my friends while on duty the other day. They were my course mates for 2 months exactly a year ago. And while they remembered me(coz i was quite high profile for both the right and wrong reasons) and my name, i remembered them, but not their names. So we talked for some 10 minutes or so asking which unit each other're at and what they're doin and stuff... and i still couldnt figure out their names.

anws, and update to my own self. Life's been no different. Yet one of the many book out days confined within the four blue walls of my room. My brothers' seem a lil taller. And they are no longer the brothers i used to be able to hug and kiss all the time. The only one person who still loves me is my dear mama. Helping me to wash my army clothes even though i clearly told her i would do it myself... haha... making sure there's food to eat. And sometimes i feel she is not being loved as much as she deserved by my siblings. Sad to know that sometimes kids forget the hardship parents go through to raise their children. The least one could do is show some appreciation and respect.

Wished i could spend more time at home. Wished i could do more than just bring home $702 a month. Only then would i wish for a lil bit more time to spend with my friends.

....so that i could at least remember their names.

the compliment

I was giving advice to this soldier of mine on the bus back from duty. This soldier is one of the men under me. A hard to handle character that i'm determined to change. He got punished for some mistakes he's made. Ive successfully manage to convince my superiors to lighten his punishment. It was hard fighting his case and am glad i was convincing.

So after advising him of what he should do, how to avoid not getting picked by people and things that he should and should not do ...... he told me sthg. He told me, "sgt, u know what my dad works as on a part time basis?" How would i know right? He told me, "A councillor." And i was like boy his dad should try council his son like asap. And then he told me that i sound exactly like his father.

I take it as a compliment. Surprised that i was able to give him sound advise. But all i did was to put myself in his shoes and tell him what i would wanna hear if i was in his place. But mostly i knew exactly how he must've felt coz ive been in the situation before. Being alone ... picked on.... made fun off... I keep my emotions to myself. He lets everything out. Which is detrimental to himself since this is the army.

well looking into doing this sort of thing in future. Helping others. Giving advice. But before i can do that, i need to start helping my own self and giving me my own advice.

well then....

changes...

Life then and now is really more or less the same. Then i go home straight after school. Now i go home straight after work. Then i spend my weekends at home and now too. And it has been like this then and it still is now.

Of course the subtle changes.


Like how my sister and brothers have changed in terms of behaviour. According to mama my brothers and slowly behaving like my sister... which isnt good news. Not saying tt behaving like me is good either.

What im gonna do with my life. How im going to go about with my life. What my brothers' gonna do with their life. My sister's too. Should i work? Should i go uni?

Should i buy a new com? Is it worth it? Will it spike up my electricity bill? I want to learn driving but is it nescessary? $2000 off my savings is like a lot.

How am i spending my money? Are they put to good use? Am i wasting unnescessarily?


Subtly, subconciously only the stuffs i think about have changed.

Now is still too early to feel big changes. Changes will be more obvious once im out of army on my own. And if i choose to study .... that is when i think all the problems will slowly start to creep out....

vista

and so i bought a new cpu. couldnt take it anymore. and the fact that my brothers need to do homework sort of made me decide. Almost a month's pay gone... but i hope it'll be a good investment for the future.

i find that depriving myself of temptations like buying a com or eating a prosperity meal is subconciously driving my anxiety level up.... and i heard it kills.. So a bit of retail therapy kinda soothes me a little. Its hard to not spend even though i know that it may be hard to get if i ever need that money some day in the future ....

this week's been all about lessons in ethics. The consequences of doing the morally right thing. Had this navigation exercise and me and my men found all 5 checkpoints. One of them is Moon. So ran into 2 other details from my platoon and they happened to be having a hard time looking for Moon and decided to get the answer from me (there are numbers to note down at each checkpoint). Me having led my men for hours up and down hills and across streams and stuff decided that they should feel how we felt when we couldnt find a particular checkpoint for 2 hours.

And the consequence was for the next few days, i was boycotted by the platoon for "not wanting to help own people". So now its back to square 1: winning back their hearts.

sleep eat com tv sleep eat com tv. my weekends' killing me....

Cant seem to type anything... except in this title box. Sis laptop is gone for one month servicing. My own pc's been hit by a virus i think.

home at last

been missing home while in camp amidst all the fun that i had. occasional running, night badminton sparring sessions, gym.. tv... fooling around...

then once home, glad to finally see my mama. And my brothers whom i immediately irritate by hugging them only to realise that the spare tyres that were once nice to hug are no longer there. Its like hugging a pillow tt has lost half its cotton. Now i understand why my mama was making such a fuss when i lost half my cotton.

of course theres the family tension between my sister and my mama. used to be both dad's and mama's enemy number one. now has become my mama's. what's the use of saying u love someone when all you do is just to hurt her feelings? Maybe she's waiting for the loss of one more before she realises her foolishness, her unnescessary display of her attitude. Sometimes i wish my dad was around to barge into her room and smash her laptop into pieces whenever she refuses to give me internet access despite my being at home for less than 48 hours....

now i understand why dad gets preety angry after a long day at work only to find kids who do not appreciate the work he's done. All he asks for is some respect.

of course it gets fairly stressful and depressing to be in this pair of shoes. All i shall do is to wait for the clock to tell me it's time to book in back to camp....

End of 4 days off. Never really did went anywhere except for grandma's twice. Dun really recall doing much of anything. Got some feet irritation so cant really do much running or what not. ANd what a waste that i got my off this week instead of next coz i just realized tt next week's their march hols.

Thinking of applying civil engin nus. Have i said this before? Cant remember. THink i shall apply next weekend.

Mind's filled with lots of stuff rite now. Work, family, school, future. Cant stop thinking coz there' s really no answer to most of it. There's no end. No closure. Sometimes i wish my dad was still around. So that at least i wun have to shoulder everything alone. Now all i can do is talk to people and there's only that much talking can do.

that said, im still waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I Am @ Youth.SG

A lil late i must say but this is for an ipod.

When I think youth in Singapore, I think happy bunch of people. And I think music.

But funny thing is music isn’t part of me. The only time I listen to the latest songs is when I take the lift to the library at Sun Plaza or when I buy bread at 7-11. Or during the time I see idols-to-be sing on Idol. Or scarily, through the earphones of the kid standing opposite me on the train on my way to camp.

I guess I was raised to be among a strange breed of youth – youth who do not download songs religiously and listen to them playing over and over again, while memorising their lyrics like they’re in some singing competition or something. Hmm.. maybe they are…

So, here I am trying to win and Ipod so that at the age of almost 20, I can learn songs and be the one guy other kids listen to when they watch Idol. You’ll never know…. And if I do get it, I sure like to see the jealous look on my siblings’ faces! But since i wear whatever they have, they can have whatever i have too... what goes around, goes around, goes around, Comes all the way back around...


Yup kind of like whatever Justin's songs ive heard so far... Keane has beautiful songs and corrinne may's songs are simply wonderful. And heard she's singaporean.. Wanted to share a video i saw. Cute little kids in a US school singing her song. Cant wait to see more of us achieving something like that. Who says Singapore artiste cant make it big? Right? Hope it inspires youths inclined towards music to work hard towards making their dreams a reality. =)



Been looking thru the blogs on the site and i must say tt some are preety good. Like there's always the few that are in a league of their own. Guess i too could reach a certain level if i tried. So here i am taking my first step. My first step out of my comfort zone.

Hmmm… that said, I enjoyed writing this piece. Win or lose I’m glad I published.

i am @ youth.sg

Some friend of mine sent me an email abt this competition. I checked out their site and the prizes were not bad... and they actually showed real people winning the prizes.. psp, handphone, camera... So yea, was a lil tempted to join. But then again, i am no competition kind of person. Im the kind who prefers to stay under the radar(ie. stay at home) I wouldnt want to make myself known to the public. Its just so not me.

Saw entries by people who wrote in. Read entries of past winners. And youths really do blog. The grand prize of this comp's a macbook.

Looking back at my past entries, the one abt the$1499 computer, how laaaag- ing my com has become.. it slowly sank into me that the mail from the friend was an opportunity.... a chance to get a new com without having to fork out a single cent. All i need to do is write an entry about what iam@youth.sg means to me. And if i write ok, people will vote for my entry and hopefully id be the one who brings home the macbook.

So then come the question of what are the odds of me winning? What if i lose? WOuld that make me a lousy blogger? Who would vote for me? I only have a handful of friends.

But i seem to have become a slightly different person havin been thru my fair share of hard times. Id like to think more along the line of Why not just submit an entry and get people to read it and see what they think about it? If they like it, they vote. If not, at least they know where to go to see how im doing.

I kind of like this quote by Robert J sternberg : No matter how gifted you are analytically, you will not become successful unless you publish. And to publish, you must work hard at writing about creative and innovative ideas." (Adapted from The Millionaire Mind by Thomas J Stanley)

I guess i'll never know how good or how bad i write unless i publish. So having said that, this entry might very well be an intro to how i started writing an entry with the goal of going home with a macbook at the end of the day.

And if i do write, spread the word. Vote for me. haha ... and if ive moved at least one of you bloggers to blog too, im glad to know ive made the competition a lil more competitive...

Well then, look out for updates. Gotta book in right about now.

Smille always. And always always always ..... look on the bright side of life.

laaaagg

my com's recovering slowly. Took me four hours to breathe life into the modem. But now the com is rather laggy. No multiple tabs for me now. More than 2 tabs and the system will go into a brief state of coma. But it still is better than nothing.

Went to play soccer this morning will the old guys of anderson sec. Poor fitness. Messy play. We're starting back from scratch. Then had lunch and talked about what else but army. Hmm... sensitive issue. I'd advise people against blogging about sensitive stuffs on your blog.

Its been a very very long while since i met up with them. WHich means that its been a lagi very very long while since i met tauhid and nizar... Soon yea?..

life's been more or less fun while in camp. Days at home simply reminds me of reality.

well then. till next time.

What goes around comes all the way back around

All the maths and science i know are now six feet under whatever brain i have left. Realised this when my cousin wanted me to teach him complex number -- which was kind of one of those topics i was skilled in. And my brain was two or three pentium slower when it comes to processing simple trigo. Like how to convert angles from degrees to radian.

Scary...

And Lets not ask where's all my chemistry...

While teaching my cousin, i came to a realization that working and studying isnt applicable to me. Im the kind who give my all in only one thing. So splitting my all into two seperate jobs isnt my thing. It'll be either full-time study or full-time working. And if i do go back to school, the only tutees that i will teach are my two bros who have been preety much left to "self study" ie. Studying for exam the next day during the adverts in between The Amazing Race.

Was reading Today this morning. (Realised the news inside are of almost the same quality as ST.) Anws, came across this advert on one of the page. Some dentist advert. "You could be just 7 days away from a designer smile" was what caught my eyes. Ok... maybe it was the set of teeths that was more or less like mine. So checked out their site smiledesignstudio.info and everything seemed to good to be true. Of course theres the price... $800 per tooth. Which means to say that having that beautiful smile shall continue to be a dream. haahah.. Guess it is every kids dream to look beautiful no matter how old you are...

** I see ur true colors shining thru**

The dove advertisement about kids with low self esteem suddenly comes to mind.

finally discussed how much mama actually need for a month. While mama was washing the dishes, she told me what she pays for and i wrote down everything on paper (typical me). And bills and my bros and sister's allowance amount to an estimated $460. Those of you who have eyes of an eagle will see that ive not included my mama's allowance.

So i cheekily asked her is $40 enough to feed the family for a month. A rhetorical question. Soalan cepu emas.

The answer was a laughter. So I decided on a budget of $90 to feed everyone. Im also hoping no one gets sick coz what im giving her doesnt include trips to the doctor. And i really cannot up my offer. (Thinking of removing my toilet's light bulb to cut cost)

So let me do the maths with you guys(my maths is buried 6 ft under remember?)

Income - Insurance - mama's share = my final allowance
$702.50 - $50.70 - $550 = $101.80

So i'll be getting $1.80 more than my sister. Minus $40 transport. I'll be getting $10 more than what my brothers will be getting a month each. Of course my meals are free but still....

I still need to save, if not for school for my marriage... haha... and mama said i would need at least $30k b4 even thinking about marriage. And im also thinking about a laptop to replace my wounded pc, a set of nice teeth, a driving license, and the prosperity meal at McDonalds..haha.. maybe there's a reason why i was groomed to be the stay home guy with no life afterall.

Kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang.

Loved writing karangan peribahasa during my memorable secondary school days. I wonder if my malay is still as smooth flowing as it used to be.

And the 50+ mama of mine wants to find a job in the near future. Close your eyes and ask yourself where can u find 50 somethings working? I can only think of cleaners and tuckshop auntie. but upping her allowance by $250 should be enuff for her to set aside thoughts of finding a job. I wouldnt want to see her working at this age too.... Lucky us we have savings to eat into if we really really need extra...


So to the kids reading my blog, life is really full of ups and downs... and all one like me can do is to smoothly surf up and down and up and down and not fall off....

... and always remember that life is more than just laptop, fine set of teeth and chicken prosperity meal...

THis week

well like always, nothing spectacular happened. Except for the change in blog template. Was "exploring" the "new" blogger functions and there goes my old template. It takes time to reedit templates, now tt i dun have the com all to myself, so i''ll have to make do with what i have now.

Been thinking about alot of stuff. Stuff that i want to sit and slowly write.



Came across some document i typed out quite some time ago. And i really dun remember some of the stuffs i wrote. And reading it for the second "first time", i found it rather amusing. How time really flies. The things i used to think about when i was a year or two younger... Kind of full of nonsense... hhaha...

Thinking about it, i kind of miss being in school. Being around friends. Though i preety much am the spectator in school. But still....

but thinking about the project, and homework, and books.... made me think about it again..

oh well....

bored

24hrs to my next book in. why so soon?

1/2 my day gone spending time at my grandma's place. Told her to count five days before my next visit. Now that im back at home, ive really got nothing to do.

Been thinking of stuffs i could do to keep me occupied.

Swimming(trying to learn how to), squash, table tennis, badminton, computer games anything...

And the saying it takes two to tango comes to mind. (unless i get nintendo's wii)

Did think of finding out what maths(read: mess?) i might be getting myself into if i go uni so that i could learn on my own and kill time solving equations..... but this would further isolate me from the world.

NOTE to self: living without a PERSONAL computer kills.
(might get one soon.......)

Take care .... hope to see you guys soon......

a month into the new year

Bowled for the first time in my life during company cohesion. Got my first strike. Bowling's quite fun afterall.

Thought about reapplying my uni course. Thinking of getting a course in NUS instead of NTU. NUS is much closer. Any idea how i could go about reapplying?

Happen to be at the new Harvey Norman at Novena mrt last sat and i saw my dream computer. $1499. Its like a quarter of whatever i have gone. Of course i was a bit frustrated that it could only be my dream computer... but i guess ive become one of many who can only afford to look.

I have a problem. When im frustrated, i tend to spend. Spending becomes like therapy. It makes me feel as if my life is still like others. That i can still afford to buy stuffs. Of course the only thing that i spend on would be can drinks, and the occassional nasi lemak at the canteen on days when breakfast at the cookhouse is not up to standard.

Deployment starts again this tuesday morning. Will be on off from tues night till thurs night. And the 4 days work cycle resumes for a month.

I borrowed a book about design and structure for architecture. maybe it might give me a hint of what i would be learning when school starts next year. But not surprisingly, it's giving me headaches. Not the contents but more of the whole idea of studying that's disturbing me. Perhaps i gotta start getting used to reading soon. Also relooked at the courses i might want to reconsider taking and suddenly i realise that im no longer as keen as i used to be.

Was reading my friend's Men's health mag and saw this stat which says that a person's brain cells die faster when one is alone than when one is around people. Quite scary huh?

Oh im not as sad as i may come across to be. Im still the guy who talks alot , watches a lot of Tv, read books, write stuffs, plan stuffs and stuffs like that. And yes im still the guy who seldom goes out. Ive calculated: I wanna try put aside $16 for transport. $4 to and back from camp 4 times a week.

have a nice day!