nano

yes seems like everyone's got a nano. A couple of guys in camp have the 30G one that can store movies in it. Of course it would be lovely to have one. But never in a million years would i get one. Coz we cant afford to. How much does it cost? Google says $350 for a 4g one.

$350can get u alot. Small things like bowling once a month with nizar for the next 4 years instead of the once in a blue moon act ive been doing all this while. Can subsidize my class 2b pracs should i consider to enrol. And i can go on and on and on.

I look at macs and i say to myself that those days are over. I accept that fact.

I look at going out with my friends and i say just as things are starting to change for the better, i just cannot afford to. Once a month still can. Must close one eye. But once a week, i know for sure i cannot ok nizar?

Well i just have this believe that what is just 70 cents, or $5 or $350 today could be worth a "fortune" once i ord. Not spending 70cents on a can drink today would mean i can afford to do so when im studying in the uni. Some may say im being over paranoid but in my shoes, im preparing for the worse.

Given the rough idea of my situation based on entries ever since the day my dad passed away, i just cannot accept the fact that there is an ipod something somewhere in my house. And i think you would feel the same way too.

And it just feels sucky when u go to extremes to save a mere couple of dollars a month and seeing others in your family waste money just like that. To my sister, should i be supportive of you and ur nano? Sorry i cant coz money is a very touchy issue. Angry i wont be. Disappointed, yes.

hmmmmm....... cant talk much... must report back by noon. Be back later tonight. Ive got more to say.

Rama rama....

Seumpama rama rama
Terbang bebas di udara tanpa ada halangan
Aman damai suka-suka
Riang ria tanpa ada rasa duka sengketa
Rama rama


......

home home sweet home

when i couldnt sleep last night, i did something i know i shouldnt have stopped doing. i ve not been doing my job for quite a while now. And looking at the things that have been happening to me lately, i realised i needed help. And who else better than him. And i fell asleep soon after.

And i realised my mistakes. And understood why things happened. Somehow i think that all this is my own doing.


Was watching My time with Ah Gong from the Stories of love Anthology series. Nice show. Touching. It was good. Made me think of trying to write a story that might move hearts and probably make readers shed a tear or two. First and only time i wrote with feelings was in one of the paragraphs in my malay compo exam. Teacher said it was good. But it was just that paragraph coz the rest of it went a little out of point. Writing that paragraph made me shed at least a tear but when the invigilator announced that there we had x minutes left( i think it was 15), i scrambled to end my compo. Maybe under normal conditions, i could try it once more. Either in malay or english. Hmmm.... when was the last time i wrote something in malay?

And if ure wondering why i still confine myself to the four walls of my home when others would be going out, id say i just dun know why. Yeah i still dont know why.

Really.

Think i should start a story about me.

Life

is really really tough.

Never have i been so caught up with something that has made me awake almost the whole night. Some issues i wish i could solve in a peaceful manner.

Sometimes i just dont understand myself. And others.

And when i think i do, i dont.

I hope the remaining months in the army will be a smooth one.

And sorry really seems to be the hardest word.

Muse

Given the chance id like to go to a Muse concert.

Never have i listened and liked songs with drums and electric guitars blasting in the background.

Feel like jumping up and down right now.




Our time is running out

me

am not gay. thats for sure. though i really like purple.

just that i really dun see myself going out with girls. im quiet when i go out with guys. imagine adding girls to the equation.

well this is what im thinkin for now.

looking back i think ive changed quite a bit.

and theres this outside chance that i still might.

and it also depends on ur luck too.

happy fathers day

Been a year on.

But still, whenever i'm home, i look out my window. And I just cant help but imagine seeing his yellow van drive out the parking lot. And to find out that the past one year was just a dream. And i still wonder what it'll be like if he was still around.

Dinner at newton

Kind of a farewell dinner for one of my man. He decided to sign on and will be posting out on monday. So this makes it two friday in a row in which i went out at night. Which my brothers say is starting to become a habit of mine. To which i have to disagree.

They headed to DoubleO after tt. I headed home. Guess there'll always be some lines that i'll choose not to cross no matter what they say. Glad some of my men understand where im coming from.

Last sat was a day out too. Had fun bowling and walking ard in bugis. Never been to that side of bugis before. Reminds me of the night market in Taipei. Price around the same too. Think i have more than enuff clothes to last me till i ord. haha.... might wanna reshuffle my wardrobe then.

I have a fellow colleague retaking his As this year. Maths among his Arts subs. So i decided to mug with him. It was back to basics for me. Formulas, steps and concepts no longer at my fingertips. And i find it very hard to sit down, a pen in hand, writing. Thinking. Memorising.

It really was hard. But it was a start. Was staring into space most of the time. And to think this was just maths.... JC maths. Wait till physics, chemistry and life sciences come into the picture when uni starts.

Guess its time i start to change for the better.

There's a first for everything

Looked at my watch. It was half past midnight.

Took out my key quietly and unlocked the gate.... making minimal noise.

Opened the door slowly and then closed it slowly. Locked it, latched it. And i'm in.

Tip toed my way towards my room. Saw that the tv in my mama's room was still on.

AND THERE SHE WAS!!

......sleeping soundly. The tv was watching her. Switched the tv off, kiss her goodnight and went to my room.

yesterday

fort siloso. NE - it just never ends. hmmm..... been like lots and lots of year since i went there. Lots of changes and it's still changing. Didnt noe they had peacocks walking around. Tot only the zoo had such things. Didnt noe peacocks could fly too!

my first to vivo. Big place. Never got the chance to explore coz was rushing for time. Saw an orange lamboghini there. Got to be THE dream car of the year.

Well dont ask me why i write the way i write. Like everything's so superficial.

I wake up. Brush my teeth. Ate breakfast. Watch cartoons. Play computer game. Sleep. Shower. TV. Computer. In other words, uninteresting.

I read blogs and these kind of entries are kindof boring.

Guess there's a link between how someone feels and how someone writes. I think im bored.

today

wenta visit my grandma. heard a conversation about the two deaths at seletar reservoir. And an interesting story.

The story goes like this.... Whenever a previously unused water body/place is suddenly being opened up for public use like the new centre at Lower Seletar Reservoir for water sports, the spirit of the area will claim 3-7 victims as a sacrifice for using it's territory. Spooky story but coming from relatives who used to live by the sea..... makes it somewhat believable.

And my mama was saying that when we first moved in to my home in sembawang, there's a few cases of kids dislocating their arms and legs while playing at the playground. I remember those incidents but didnt really think it was something abnormal. She says that is how thing's work.

Cool huh.

And there's also this talk about the elusive white crocodile who had played it's role in finding the two bodies which were only found the next day. One of which partially submerged 50m from where the kayak capsized. Been hearing stories about this white crocodile since i was young and after so long, im still hearing stories about it. Brought it up to my grandma. My mama told me the crocodile is old. Asked my grandma if it would die. She said it will never die. And i was like..... ok.... both were talking like it really exist. I believe it exist.

But sadly nothing much surfaced when i googled about the croc.

I'll be keeping this in mind when using new facilities at new places.

Camera I

Though lots happened, there's nothing much that i can really say.

Ever since i came back, ive been busy googling about the incident and was expecting people who were there to write about it. Surprisingly there was only 2. The first was pretty harmless but the second which i found today was rather disturbing.

Been warned of guys like me doing random searches over the net. And the consequences of saying more than you should can be bad for your records. Which is why im staying low.

I brought along a digicam of mine for my r&r in taipei. First time using it. Took lots of pictures at first but sadly most arent proper. Like this one...

And this one...
And this one ......

And after 1 day of taking pictures, i was lying on my bed in the hotel room looking at my snaps and i was shocked to see the end results. Then i decided to take snapshots of my hotel room to see what could have gone wrong so that im able to capture better pics on my last day of r&r.

The sink ....
The toilet.... and bathtub..
Realised that my technique was wrong. Tried a new way.

The bed....
The windows....

And the sink...
And this marked the beginning of better pictures.

Sunny Hot Singapore

Hello there. Feels good to be back home.

I remember telling my mama that i wouldnt be calling her for the next 16 days prior to my departure and that there's nothing to worry about and that nothing would happen. That i have been there and done that. But who would have expected the bird?

Ive been calling her ever since and stopped before my handphone bill burns a hole in my pocket.

Was a nice guy. Always seeing him around in camp. Happy. Hardworking. My heart and prayers to him and his family.

NEXT STOP:

Chiang Kai Shek International Airport.

S3

Watched spidey 3 today at suntec (the platoon were given free tickets). Great movie. First time i wenta suntec. At first i didnt had a clue where suntec was, though ive read about it in the newspaper some years back. My men was like saying i was like a frog under a coconut shell but i guess it's ok to be one coz this frog's been to suntec. It was only a matter of time before the frog gets out.

One of the rare times i go out........ and whenever i go out on outings like this, i see people and places, i see the stuffs ive been missing out on. And i feel like...... the frog. ahha...

But i know this is how i choose to live my life, till i feel that the time is right to start enjoying life. Until then, i shall enjoy life from the comforts of my home.

less of the old stuff

i think this post will be less of how i dread spending weekends or how im stuck in the same old room or how ive been at home ever since i came back from camp.... even though all this is still true.

ive been thinking about the course im taking. The more i talk to people, the more i dun feel like doing civil engineering. Realised that im not really really looking forward to doing CvE. Ive been thinking .......

......i wanna do sthg that i wanna look forward to. Sthg like how i always look forward to booking in to camp. I like doing what i do back in camp -- lets just say its a very challenging job. And i just have this feeling that i wun be THIS enthusiastic -- should i choose to do civil engineering.

Which brings me to the question of my alternative to civil engineering.

Ive been thinking about doing something related to the social world. Psychology, counselling, social work........... working with kids, troubled teens, addicts, families...... in schools, hospitals, childcare centres.......... helping people in need, help them find the light at the end of the tunnel....
HR.......

This might sound weird coz i may not seem like the people kind. But im starting to feel and believe that this is something i'd like.

So been doing some reading about SimU. Looks like a school that i could be in. But the minimum age is 21. meaning that i can only enter on january 2009. Which would also mean that i can work for 1 year.... Now im just a lil unsure about the course fees. Or if i could get some financial assistance.

Hope i'll be doing what i want to do in future instead of what the uni decides for me.........

On Off...

Will start writing when i stop writing about the same old things.

the friends

i am so so bad at remembering names. Met 2 of my friends while on duty the other day. They were my course mates for 2 months exactly a year ago. And while they remembered me(coz i was quite high profile for both the right and wrong reasons) and my name, i remembered them, but not their names. So we talked for some 10 minutes or so asking which unit each other're at and what they're doin and stuff... and i still couldnt figure out their names.

anws, and update to my own self. Life's been no different. Yet one of the many book out days confined within the four blue walls of my room. My brothers' seem a lil taller. And they are no longer the brothers i used to be able to hug and kiss all the time. The only one person who still loves me is my dear mama. Helping me to wash my army clothes even though i clearly told her i would do it myself... haha... making sure there's food to eat. And sometimes i feel she is not being loved as much as she deserved by my siblings. Sad to know that sometimes kids forget the hardship parents go through to raise their children. The least one could do is show some appreciation and respect.

Wished i could spend more time at home. Wished i could do more than just bring home $702 a month. Only then would i wish for a lil bit more time to spend with my friends.

....so that i could at least remember their names.

the compliment

I was giving advice to this soldier of mine on the bus back from duty. This soldier is one of the men under me. A hard to handle character that i'm determined to change. He got punished for some mistakes he's made. Ive successfully manage to convince my superiors to lighten his punishment. It was hard fighting his case and am glad i was convincing.

So after advising him of what he should do, how to avoid not getting picked by people and things that he should and should not do ...... he told me sthg. He told me, "sgt, u know what my dad works as on a part time basis?" How would i know right? He told me, "A councillor." And i was like boy his dad should try council his son like asap. And then he told me that i sound exactly like his father.

I take it as a compliment. Surprised that i was able to give him sound advise. But all i did was to put myself in his shoes and tell him what i would wanna hear if i was in his place. But mostly i knew exactly how he must've felt coz ive been in the situation before. Being alone ... picked on.... made fun off... I keep my emotions to myself. He lets everything out. Which is detrimental to himself since this is the army.

well looking into doing this sort of thing in future. Helping others. Giving advice. But before i can do that, i need to start helping my own self and giving me my own advice.

well then....

changes...

Life then and now is really more or less the same. Then i go home straight after school. Now i go home straight after work. Then i spend my weekends at home and now too. And it has been like this then and it still is now.

Of course the subtle changes.


Like how my sister and brothers have changed in terms of behaviour. According to mama my brothers and slowly behaving like my sister... which isnt good news. Not saying tt behaving like me is good either.

What im gonna do with my life. How im going to go about with my life. What my brothers' gonna do with their life. My sister's too. Should i work? Should i go uni?

Should i buy a new com? Is it worth it? Will it spike up my electricity bill? I want to learn driving but is it nescessary? $2000 off my savings is like a lot.

How am i spending my money? Are they put to good use? Am i wasting unnescessarily?


Subtly, subconciously only the stuffs i think about have changed.

Now is still too early to feel big changes. Changes will be more obvious once im out of army on my own. And if i choose to study .... that is when i think all the problems will slowly start to creep out....