i got 3 days off. spent all 3 days either at home or at my grandma's. Mostly at home.
Mama just got back on monday. So things been back to normal. Well all except ytd's experience which was paranormal. haha.... imagine receiving a card which has the word sixth sense written on it. and the things he do includes removing evil spirits from your body, from your house, and... i forgot the last one.
well in this day and age, who really does believe in such things...
Human relation skills being perfected back in camp. How different ways of talking leads to different results. Like how i can push someone to his limits without him losing his cool.... and also how others may not be suitable to this sort of treatment. I could also treat someone nice and get results but i could treat someone nice and they would end up stepping on my head. Right now im still the sergeant who talks too much...... haha...
yet to sit down and plan my map yet. maybe now that i've mentioned it, i'll go and get it done right away.
Terrence steadman is dead. I wonder how scofield and burrows can prove their innocence.... Cant wait for episode 15.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Double doze...
i noe i noe the answer but sometimes i just cant help but wonder why i am the way i am?
i noe i can be the best of friends and the best of brothers and the best of sergeants and the best of boyfriends and the best of husbands and the best of fathers and the best of anything but im just not being any of these.
why i dun like to go out. why i dun like to hang out with people who arent my younger brothers or why dun i like to spend or why u dun like to do this and that. i noe i can do all this but why dun i want to?
why dont i want to take the first step. why dun i want to take the next step. why do i take two steps backwards after taking one step forward.
why cant i be normal. why cant i be like other people. why cant i not be i?
why am i not afraid that i may lose my friends if i keep staying in my own shell? ahkim's words never fail to play in my head but i simply do not worry.
is it because im never around friends to be afraid of losing them? i sound like im a selfcentered individualistic guy. but i noe im not.
questions questions questions.....
im in the process of making myself a map. a path for me to take from now till the day i could live without a plan.
=)
i noe i can be the best of friends and the best of brothers and the best of sergeants and the best of boyfriends and the best of husbands and the best of fathers and the best of anything but im just not being any of these.
why i dun like to go out. why i dun like to hang out with people who arent my younger brothers or why dun i like to spend or why u dun like to do this and that. i noe i can do all this but why dun i want to?
why dont i want to take the first step. why dun i want to take the next step. why do i take two steps backwards after taking one step forward.
why cant i be normal. why cant i be like other people. why cant i not be i?
why am i not afraid that i may lose my friends if i keep staying in my own shell? ahkim's words never fail to play in my head but i simply do not worry.
is it because im never around friends to be afraid of losing them? i sound like im a selfcentered individualistic guy. but i noe im not.
questions questions questions.....
im in the process of making myself a map. a path for me to take from now till the day i could live without a plan.
=)
Life without...
....dad.....
No more strong income coming in. Which means very few eating outside sessions. Very few shopping trips. Very few new clothes, new shoes, new bags. No more transport to bring us around. Which means taking public transport. Watching money goes by tap after tap. Taking way too long a time than we used to. Discipline. No one that can actually maintain our household discipline. No dad means no limitations. My sister's having the time of her life.
...mama....
No more no one to look after me when i fall ill. The someone who has the answers to everything. The chef. So no her means no food. Or food must be bought. No one to tell stories to. No one to tell us what to do... like wake up early... dun come back home late.... pray. No one to remind us that there's at least one person in the world who loves us.
Mama's coming back in 2 days. But id only see her days after that when i book out. I have had dreams i wished would not happen. Dreams that only make me start to love her more. I want her to come back so that i have less to worry about.
Right now, I have a goal.... a goal that id want to start working towards from now on.... i wanna be able to own a ferrari by age 25.
As for a more reasonable goal, id like to have the computer in my own room repaired. So that i can blog more often. And thoughts can flow at a much faster rate. That way my english improves and my brain gets the exercise it needs.
No more strong income coming in. Which means very few eating outside sessions. Very few shopping trips. Very few new clothes, new shoes, new bags. No more transport to bring us around. Which means taking public transport. Watching money goes by tap after tap. Taking way too long a time than we used to. Discipline. No one that can actually maintain our household discipline. No dad means no limitations. My sister's having the time of her life.
...mama....
No more no one to look after me when i fall ill. The someone who has the answers to everything. The chef. So no her means no food. Or food must be bought. No one to tell stories to. No one to tell us what to do... like wake up early... dun come back home late.... pray. No one to remind us that there's at least one person in the world who loves us.
Mama's coming back in 2 days. But id only see her days after that when i book out. I have had dreams i wished would not happen. Dreams that only make me start to love her more. I want her to come back so that i have less to worry about.
Right now, I have a goal.... a goal that id want to start working towards from now on.... i wanna be able to own a ferrari by age 25.
As for a more reasonable goal, id like to have the computer in my own room repaired. So that i can blog more often. And thoughts can flow at a much faster rate. That way my english improves and my brain gets the exercise it needs.
Monday, January 01, 2007
A post for the new year
one month without writing... a surprise even for me...
the writer me used to write stuffs... tell stories... wonders alot...and dream a lot...
not now. Or should i say not at the time being.
Ive become a bit more pragmatic. Daydream less, more action.
My perspective of life, my life, has changed. An extra value meal hurts. 4 extra value meals is a no no. It's cheaper to get 4 packets of chicken rice. I never understood why parents had that way of thinking.... till recently.
How much am i spending? How much my family is spending? How much am i earning? Are we spending more than what i earn? How can we cut our expenditure? Should i work on weekends? Should i plan for the future? How far ahead ? 5 years? 10 years?
Questions that i never thought id think about had been thought thru. Well the answers to those questions would be splashed all over here if i was still the old me. But the new me says that some things are just meant to be confidential. But i have thought things thru, as far as the next 10 years. And rest assured that on paper, things shouldnt be too bad. So im worrying lesser now.
Living without a dad is bad enough, but without both ur mum and dad... its really bad. My mama's off for a month for the pilgrimage leaving us 4 at home alone. Me being in camp for 5 out of 7 days leaves them 3 at home alone. No one cooks... Besides eggs and maggie... So its just what u see is what u get. Wonder how long they can survive on bread and kaya. We could always go to our aunt's place to eat but nothing beats my mama's cooking. Wells looking at them i wonder how they'll live thru this few weeks. Can they manage their money well? What will they be spending their money on? What time would they sleep? Would my sis be using the com all night long since theres no one to restrict her? Who will sweep the floor and clean the toilet and water the plants now that there's no one to either do or reminds us to do? Have we really learnt so much from our mama that we'll take more initiatives on our own?
If only i get a penny for every thought that i think about...
Dun wanna talk too much. So ill try to end.
A new year means new resolutions.
I want to be a good dad. And i want my mama to be happy. And i want to start being happy with what i am and what i have.
Also gotta apologise if im starting to drift apart from u guys... I can only hope that time can make things back to how it was before.....
Take care. Have a good year ahead.
the writer me used to write stuffs... tell stories... wonders alot...and dream a lot...
not now. Or should i say not at the time being.
Ive become a bit more pragmatic. Daydream less, more action.
My perspective of life, my life, has changed. An extra value meal hurts. 4 extra value meals is a no no. It's cheaper to get 4 packets of chicken rice. I never understood why parents had that way of thinking.... till recently.
How much am i spending? How much my family is spending? How much am i earning? Are we spending more than what i earn? How can we cut our expenditure? Should i work on weekends? Should i plan for the future? How far ahead ? 5 years? 10 years?
Questions that i never thought id think about had been thought thru. Well the answers to those questions would be splashed all over here if i was still the old me. But the new me says that some things are just meant to be confidential. But i have thought things thru, as far as the next 10 years. And rest assured that on paper, things shouldnt be too bad. So im worrying lesser now.
Living without a dad is bad enough, but without both ur mum and dad... its really bad. My mama's off for a month for the pilgrimage leaving us 4 at home alone. Me being in camp for 5 out of 7 days leaves them 3 at home alone. No one cooks... Besides eggs and maggie... So its just what u see is what u get. Wonder how long they can survive on bread and kaya. We could always go to our aunt's place to eat but nothing beats my mama's cooking. Wells looking at them i wonder how they'll live thru this few weeks. Can they manage their money well? What will they be spending their money on? What time would they sleep? Would my sis be using the com all night long since theres no one to restrict her? Who will sweep the floor and clean the toilet and water the plants now that there's no one to either do or reminds us to do? Have we really learnt so much from our mama that we'll take more initiatives on our own?
If only i get a penny for every thought that i think about...
Dun wanna talk too much. So ill try to end.
A new year means new resolutions.
I want to be a good dad. And i want my mama to be happy. And i want to start being happy with what i am and what i have.
Also gotta apologise if im starting to drift apart from u guys... I can only hope that time can make things back to how it was before.....
Take care. Have a good year ahead.
Monday, November 27, 2006
It's been so long
Hey there... had been quite some time since i wrote here.
Realised that im slowly becoming a man of many words. Hope it is not a bad thing.
Im doing well... life's been ok. Spending too much time in camp, too little time as a family.
My life is spiralling downwards. A lil bit too boring. A little dead. I need psychological help.
I miss the past. Where there's that little bit more life in my life. I cant really think right now. Mind's a mess.
My room's a mess.
Yet to plan my life yet. The next 1 year. Hope i wun be in the same state as now.
I need to wake up. Shall wake up now. Shall wake up now.
Many words. Writing down what's running thru my mind. No story to share. No events to note down.
Just random thoughts.
Im drowning in an ocean of endless thoughts.
Maybe im stuck in a maze somewhere in my mind.
Slowly i shall bring myself out of this mess.
haha... just one of those entries you would write on a cloudy day.
Till next time. =)
Realised that im slowly becoming a man of many words. Hope it is not a bad thing.
Im doing well... life's been ok. Spending too much time in camp, too little time as a family.
My life is spiralling downwards. A lil bit too boring. A little dead. I need psychological help.
I miss the past. Where there's that little bit more life in my life. I cant really think right now. Mind's a mess.
My room's a mess.
Yet to plan my life yet. The next 1 year. Hope i wun be in the same state as now.
I need to wake up. Shall wake up now. Shall wake up now.
Many words. Writing down what's running thru my mind. No story to share. No events to note down.
Just random thoughts.
Im drowning in an ocean of endless thoughts.
Maybe im stuck in a maze somewhere in my mind.
Slowly i shall bring myself out of this mess.
haha... just one of those entries you would write on a cloudy day.
Till next time. =)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
looking back
Its funny reading back what i wrote in the past and not believing that i actually wrote what i wrote.
Embarassing? Dumb? Hurtful? Illogical? Dumb? Rash?
Well. Looking back. I kinda like it.
Embarassing? Dumb? Hurtful? Illogical? Dumb? Rash?
Well. Looking back. I kinda like it.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Selamat Hari Raya ya guys..
Wells, spent ytd overnight at TTSH wif my grandma. I just cant see her spending the morning of hari raya alone. And besides, I wun be able to do this for long.
Went for prayers and came back. Waited and waited and no one came. Expected mama to be the first one there so when it seems like she's taking her own sweet time there, i became very disappointed in her. Mustve forgotten that her son and mother's there. She was the fourth to reach. So much for not going to my aunt's place. And im feeling like a fool caring so much for my grandma. That's why some times i wish id be less emo. But dennagain, guess grandma means alot more to me than to others.
Have you ever reach the point when you'd rather lose someone you love than to see him or her suffer?
I have. Twice.
So after mama came, i was sitting there looking at my grandma. And the mood to like celebrate Hari Raya totally vanished. So i decided to head home coz i dun want to leave with the knowledge that my grandma will be left alone. So well, wun be celebrating so long as she's still suffering. So long as she's there alone. Will try to be by her side so long as shes still breathing, so long as im free. Or at least till i get bored of looking after her.
Looking after the aged.... realised its physically and mentally challenging. Now i understand why most dump theirs in the homes.
This totally rash entry speaks a lot about myself. Me spending almost the entire day alone at home speaks alot about me. That i'm not yet ready to be saluted. That it's too early to call me mature with a v in front. I had mentioned that i would be crushed today and mama be utterly depressed yet ive yet to shed a single tear. No sadness no happiness no nothing. Its as if everything's being pent up inside. Miserable hari raya. Wonder how next year will be like. whether id have the chance to be by my grandma. Or my mother for that matter. Dun worry about me. This is afterall just a blog. Where things might be a bit exagerated(did i spell it right?) and no one can really tell. And u noe how i write. Thats what i'll always say...
But nevertheless, Selamat hari raya... my profound apologies had/have/should any of my past present or future entries hurt u in one way or another.
Went for prayers and came back. Waited and waited and no one came. Expected mama to be the first one there so when it seems like she's taking her own sweet time there, i became very disappointed in her. Mustve forgotten that her son and mother's there. She was the fourth to reach. So much for not going to my aunt's place. And im feeling like a fool caring so much for my grandma. That's why some times i wish id be less emo. But dennagain, guess grandma means alot more to me than to others.
Have you ever reach the point when you'd rather lose someone you love than to see him or her suffer?
I have. Twice.
So after mama came, i was sitting there looking at my grandma. And the mood to like celebrate Hari Raya totally vanished. So i decided to head home coz i dun want to leave with the knowledge that my grandma will be left alone. So well, wun be celebrating so long as she's still suffering. So long as she's there alone. Will try to be by her side so long as shes still breathing, so long as im free. Or at least till i get bored of looking after her.
Looking after the aged.... realised its physically and mentally challenging. Now i understand why most dump theirs in the homes.
This totally rash entry speaks a lot about myself. Me spending almost the entire day alone at home speaks alot about me. That i'm not yet ready to be saluted. That it's too early to call me mature with a v in front. I had mentioned that i would be crushed today and mama be utterly depressed yet ive yet to shed a single tear. No sadness no happiness no nothing. Its as if everything's being pent up inside. Miserable hari raya. Wonder how next year will be like. whether id have the chance to be by my grandma. Or my mother for that matter. Dun worry about me. This is afterall just a blog. Where things might be a bit exagerated(did i spell it right?) and no one can really tell. And u noe how i write. Thats what i'll always say...
But nevertheless, Selamat hari raya... my profound apologies had/have/should any of my past present or future entries hurt u in one way or another.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Eye exercise
She's a very special someone. Stories of her taking care of me when i was a baby. Me and her when mama's working. Me and her and durian ice cream. Me and her and grocery shopping. Me and her and many many happy memories. I remember as a kid she kept reminding me to pray. And i prayed. Always did what she wanted me to do. Never once do i want to hurt her feelings.And i remember me asking God to make sure she lives a long life...long enough to see my child. And how things seemed to be going just fine. Till yesterday. She had a stroke. Brought back memories. Cant bear to imagine what'll happen sooner or later. Not after what happened to my father.
Course ended late ytd so I could only come today. A look at her and the battle started. I was struggling to keep my cheeks dry. Sat beside my mama and looked at my one and only. How it reminded me of 4 mths ago sitting by my dad. But then i wasnt crying. Now i was. Fought so hard not to tear. Soldiers dun tear. And mama wasnt helping me by rubbing my back and brushing her hand thru my hair and passing me tissues after tissues. And thoughts of losing her playing in my mind didnt help either. Im not ready to lose her. So i cried.
Was touched that when i come to see her, she looked at me and cupped my face with one hand. She remembers me. Kept asking myself why. Why now? Why her? Please.... anyone but my grandma.
And before we left, she asked me to sleepover by her side. As much as i wanted to, i didnt coz my course dun end till friday. I remember how we went home after visiting my dad only to receive a call the next morning. I dun want a repeat. Not with my grandma. Told her ill stay with her this friday and satuday and sunday... a promise i hope i will keep. And I hope i would not be too late.
I have yet to take u out. Used to think that i would one day ask u out and we could drive around in my car, going to some nice restaurant. I have yet to buy you the most beautiful baju kurung for Hari Raya. How happy i would be if she wore what i bought. You have yet to see my child, see him grow. How i wish u could make my dream come true. Love u with all my heart. My grandma.
Guess things happen for a reason.
Course ended late ytd so I could only come today. A look at her and the battle started. I was struggling to keep my cheeks dry. Sat beside my mama and looked at my one and only. How it reminded me of 4 mths ago sitting by my dad. But then i wasnt crying. Now i was. Fought so hard not to tear. Soldiers dun tear. And mama wasnt helping me by rubbing my back and brushing her hand thru my hair and passing me tissues after tissues. And thoughts of losing her playing in my mind didnt help either. Im not ready to lose her. So i cried.
Was touched that when i come to see her, she looked at me and cupped my face with one hand. She remembers me. Kept asking myself why. Why now? Why her? Please.... anyone but my grandma.
And before we left, she asked me to sleepover by her side. As much as i wanted to, i didnt coz my course dun end till friday. I remember how we went home after visiting my dad only to receive a call the next morning. I dun want a repeat. Not with my grandma. Told her ill stay with her this friday and satuday and sunday... a promise i hope i will keep. And I hope i would not be too late.
I have yet to take u out. Used to think that i would one day ask u out and we could drive around in my car, going to some nice restaurant. I have yet to buy you the most beautiful baju kurung for Hari Raya. How happy i would be if she wore what i bought. You have yet to see my child, see him grow. How i wish u could make my dream come true. Love u with all my heart. My grandma.
Guess things happen for a reason.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
random couple of lines
A lil uninspired to write tonight but being online means i have to write sthg. Hmm.... This came today: the sudden urge to learn how to drive.
Mama kept asking if we wanna go Geylang look see look see and i keep telling her its very far and buses and trains are quite leceh and some other excuses. Truth is, we've never been there on our own before. Its always been enter the van and sleep for half an hour or so, wake up and tadaaaa... reached our destination. And kept thinking of the visitings we ll be doing this year round and on the record, we'll be going to grandma's only. Unless relatives want to tumpang us around but mama keeps reminding us what my father used to always say "Jangan suka mengharap". Dun ever hope for things to happen. I think... my malay-english translation abit rusty.
So my point being, if somehow or rather i could drive, Hari Raya would be a lil bit more fun for us.
8 days to Raya and theres nooo kuih in sight. No potato chips or whatever stuffs we used to have. ANd my aunty decided not to bake this year so NO KUIH! And when i asked my mama why, she asked me why? ... Why? Are ur frens coming again this year? And i just said, 8 days to Raya ... shouldnt we have at least something beside drinks to offer if people come. Speaking of drinks, dun think we bought syrup yet. What we have is just for personal consumption. Mama just dun seem to want to take the initiative to i dunnoe... do sthg? Yet to really clean up the house. Everyday's like any other day in the calender. Nvm... this year's will be the trial period for future Hari Rayas. =)
And no raya songs on the radio too!!! Apparently mama gets really sad when she hear the songs being played. And frankly, i get super sad too when i hear the especially nice but sad songs. Even when my men sing a line or two, my mind will wander. Emo.. haha...
Oh.... i realised Hari Raya Haji we'll be celebrating just the 4 of us. Finally can watch cartoons in the morning? haha... Hope we know what to do ...
Really really sorry if i keep writing about this sorta stuffs over and over again. Seriously not asking for sympathisers nor am i in the self pity mode.
I think what im kind of driving at is this..... Good things dun last forever. Dun take what u have for granted. Really treasure ur loved ones. oh i wish i could really hug and kiss my dad and wish him Selamat Hari Raya and ask for forgiveness... just one more time.
Mama kept asking if we wanna go Geylang look see look see and i keep telling her its very far and buses and trains are quite leceh and some other excuses. Truth is, we've never been there on our own before. Its always been enter the van and sleep for half an hour or so, wake up and tadaaaa... reached our destination. And kept thinking of the visitings we ll be doing this year round and on the record, we'll be going to grandma's only. Unless relatives want to tumpang us around but mama keeps reminding us what my father used to always say "Jangan suka mengharap". Dun ever hope for things to happen. I think... my malay-english translation abit rusty.
So my point being, if somehow or rather i could drive, Hari Raya would be a lil bit more fun for us.
8 days to Raya and theres nooo kuih in sight. No potato chips or whatever stuffs we used to have. ANd my aunty decided not to bake this year so NO KUIH! And when i asked my mama why, she asked me why? ... Why? Are ur frens coming again this year? And i just said, 8 days to Raya ... shouldnt we have at least something beside drinks to offer if people come. Speaking of drinks, dun think we bought syrup yet. What we have is just for personal consumption. Mama just dun seem to want to take the initiative to i dunnoe... do sthg? Yet to really clean up the house. Everyday's like any other day in the calender. Nvm... this year's will be the trial period for future Hari Rayas. =)
And no raya songs on the radio too!!! Apparently mama gets really sad when she hear the songs being played. And frankly, i get super sad too when i hear the especially nice but sad songs. Even when my men sing a line or two, my mind will wander. Emo.. haha...
Oh.... i realised Hari Raya Haji we'll be celebrating just the 4 of us. Finally can watch cartoons in the morning? haha... Hope we know what to do ...
Really really sorry if i keep writing about this sorta stuffs over and over again. Seriously not asking for sympathisers nor am i in the self pity mode.
I think what im kind of driving at is this..... Good things dun last forever. Dun take what u have for granted. Really treasure ur loved ones. oh i wish i could really hug and kiss my dad and wish him Selamat Hari Raya and ask for forgiveness... just one more time.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
my most special k
speechless. touched.
It's really really really comforting to know there are people out there who care. I know they care but not to such extent. Shared my find with mama to share them with her. Actually, she found it first. Found it at our doorstep. It was more than the belated card i was expecting.
Guess stuffs like this serve as a reminder to me that ive got people who want to see me move on and make it in life... so that i could one day repay their kindness. Wells, the latter's my hope.
Again am truly touched. I could never thank u all enough. The people whom i didnt really know that well.
It's really really really comforting to know there are people out there who care. I know they care but not to such extent. Shared my find with mama to share them with her. Actually, she found it first. Found it at our doorstep. It was more than the belated card i was expecting.
Guess stuffs like this serve as a reminder to me that ive got people who want to see me move on and make it in life... so that i could one day repay their kindness. Wells, the latter's my hope.
Again am truly touched. I could never thank u all enough. The people whom i didnt really know that well.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Ive found the word....
...to describe myself as of dunnoe when.
Uninspired.
Yes i could just still be in the Project Runway mode coz the girl was eliminated as her model's dress lacked inspiration. I think it was simple and had preety shades of green. Might be too simple to be on Elle mags though.
And the guy Bradley was on the brink of forfeiting coz his original plan could not be put into action coz of some sewing difficulties... So he had to rework his original plan. And in the end, he made something that was OBVIOUSLY last minute work yet he received good words from all the judges which shocked me and my brothers and Bradley himself. Guess me and fashion is a no no.
Man i sounding so ... so unlike me. Im suppose to be "dead".
As i was saying, as of dunnoe when, ive been feeling uninspired to live. By that i dun mean death. By that i mean living life. Coz ive been hanging out with my men at my MG post. Talked to them and all either had a significant other or are still "in process". They do go out with friends when they book out. They dare to tease girls on the train. Or the few female sergents in camp. What else constitutes to living life?
But dennagain me, i didnt really had a life then, when i had the chance to. And after what recently happened to my family, there's no longer an I in the word life. (I as in me and not the letter) There's only us. Mama sis bros and lastly me. A lil unfair coz im only 18. Coz someone used to tell me that 21 is when i get my key to freedom. How can i be free? Oops... what am i saying. Im not 18. Used to be 18. Cant be bothered to even remember my own age.
Anyways, wenta the bank with mama today. She wanted to put me under joint account so either one of us could withdraw money from the bank..... Wanted to put my name in her investments too. Just in case one of us bids farewell to this world. Mama keeps telling us 25th Dec will be her last day coz that's when she's going to perform the Haj with my dad... or so she keeps telling us. And i always laughed it off whenever she says that but deep down, after what's happened, i know anything can happen. Any day can be anyone's last day. So i just "played" along with my mama and keep telling my bros whenever they make mama angry to just please please please behave till she's gone. She'll be gone soon. And my bros would give me the "mama wun leave us this soon" look.
REally hopes that God would look after her when she's there. We arent old enough to be without someone to guide us. Ive yet to learn how to cook. She just cannot leave us. But if she does, ive got to think like ive never think before.
2 weeks to hari raya and mama's already indicated she's not keen on celebrating. Will just be going to my grandma's place -- this time we need the ez-link. There's no talk about what color will we be wearing this year. THere's no night shopping at Geylang. No can drinks in the fridge. No porridge during breakfast. Thing's has been different since he left. No more WOW! food. Just simple food. I no longer bother about what i eat at home. As long as i dun go hungry at the end of the day. Even if i do go hungry, i always tell myself that i could always eat tomorrow.
Hari Raya prayers would just be with me and my bros. And we'll haveta walk. Cant wait for that day to come. And feel what i imagined i would feel. I imagine that i'll be crushed that morning. When it's time to seek forgiveness from the parents... there'll be a seat empty. A seat that i'd have to take. And if im feeling crushed, mama would be devastated. If i cant hold back the tears as i'm writing, how could i hold back the tears when that day arrives.
Slowly im realising that i do have a life. I do have a story. A different kind of life. A different kind of story. My life is not about me and my significant other, spending time chasing and teasing girls on the bus or train... going out and having fun. etc etc. My life shall be about a young man who has to step into his dad's shoes so early in his life and no single day passes by without him thinking about how they're going to live through the days together.
Argh finally.... a typical entry by me.
Uninspired.
Yes i could just still be in the Project Runway mode coz the girl was eliminated as her model's dress lacked inspiration. I think it was simple and had preety shades of green. Might be too simple to be on Elle mags though.
And the guy Bradley was on the brink of forfeiting coz his original plan could not be put into action coz of some sewing difficulties... So he had to rework his original plan. And in the end, he made something that was OBVIOUSLY last minute work yet he received good words from all the judges which shocked me and my brothers and Bradley himself. Guess me and fashion is a no no.
Man i sounding so ... so unlike me. Im suppose to be "dead".
As i was saying, as of dunnoe when, ive been feeling uninspired to live. By that i dun mean death. By that i mean living life. Coz ive been hanging out with my men at my MG post. Talked to them and all either had a significant other or are still "in process". They do go out with friends when they book out. They dare to tease girls on the train. Or the few female sergents in camp. What else constitutes to living life?
But dennagain me, i didnt really had a life then, when i had the chance to. And after what recently happened to my family, there's no longer an I in the word life. (I as in me and not the letter) There's only us. Mama sis bros and lastly me. A lil unfair coz im only 18. Coz someone used to tell me that 21 is when i get my key to freedom. How can i be free? Oops... what am i saying. Im not 18. Used to be 18. Cant be bothered to even remember my own age.
Anyways, wenta the bank with mama today. She wanted to put me under joint account so either one of us could withdraw money from the bank..... Wanted to put my name in her investments too. Just in case one of us bids farewell to this world. Mama keeps telling us 25th Dec will be her last day coz that's when she's going to perform the Haj with my dad... or so she keeps telling us. And i always laughed it off whenever she says that but deep down, after what's happened, i know anything can happen. Any day can be anyone's last day. So i just "played" along with my mama and keep telling my bros whenever they make mama angry to just please please please behave till she's gone. She'll be gone soon. And my bros would give me the "mama wun leave us this soon" look.
REally hopes that God would look after her when she's there. We arent old enough to be without someone to guide us. Ive yet to learn how to cook. She just cannot leave us. But if she does, ive got to think like ive never think before.
2 weeks to hari raya and mama's already indicated she's not keen on celebrating. Will just be going to my grandma's place -- this time we need the ez-link. There's no talk about what color will we be wearing this year. THere's no night shopping at Geylang. No can drinks in the fridge. No porridge during breakfast. Thing's has been different since he left. No more WOW! food. Just simple food. I no longer bother about what i eat at home. As long as i dun go hungry at the end of the day. Even if i do go hungry, i always tell myself that i could always eat tomorrow.
Hari Raya prayers would just be with me and my bros. And we'll haveta walk. Cant wait for that day to come. And feel what i imagined i would feel. I imagine that i'll be crushed that morning. When it's time to seek forgiveness from the parents... there'll be a seat empty. A seat that i'd have to take. And if im feeling crushed, mama would be devastated. If i cant hold back the tears as i'm writing, how could i hold back the tears when that day arrives.
Slowly im realising that i do have a life. I do have a story. A different kind of life. A different kind of story. My life is not about me and my significant other, spending time chasing and teasing girls on the bus or train... going out and having fun. etc etc. My life shall be about a young man who has to step into his dad's shoes so early in his life and no single day passes by without him thinking about how they're going to live through the days together.
Argh finally.... a typical entry by me.
Friday, October 06, 2006
I dream...
I was on a train station somewhere in Japan (dun ask me why Japan) -- deciding on where to go -- when i suddenly woke up. Yes it was a dream.
A dream i wish would never end.
A dream i wish would never end.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Dep
U look at the ships and the ships look back at you. U look at the sea and the sea looks back at you.
And after 12 hours .... ping pong time! haha... im improving!!
Haveta admit that i was feeling really down the past few days .... For no particular reason whatsoever. But being around my guys , playing tabletennis and xbox, is slowly making me happier...
And im even more happy that i'll be off duty on Hari Raya!... yups... till next time.
And after 12 hours .... ping pong time! haha... im improving!!
Haveta admit that i was feeling really down the past few days .... For no particular reason whatsoever. But being around my guys , playing tabletennis and xbox, is slowly making me happier...
And im even more happy that i'll be off duty on Hari Raya!... yups... till next time.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
A new beginning
The start of the fasting month has always been about new beginnings. Wanting to make this year's ramadhan better than last year's and what better way to start the month off with new that my mama wanted to perform the Haj. She'll be leaving sometime in december.... for 30 days.. that's what my bro told me.
My first reaction was "HUH?" coz i just got back home from live firing ytd midnite when the news reached me. My brother told me while mama was standing next to him.
Next was "Why?" which was a dumb qn to ask but still ..... there wasnt any talk abt her wanting to go before ytd night. So it was kindof a shock. She told me her reason. Only me and my siblings would understand.
Next was "With who?" to which she replied alone.
"Alone?"
"Yes alone."
"Why?"
No reply. None was needed anw. Was a dumb qn.
Final qn, "How much?" to which she replied $9000. And it was only then that i was feeling happy for my mum. Im proud of her too. After what's just happen, she's leaving us for a mth. We ve got the money and mama's finally got the chance to perform the haj. I have no objections.
Of course the thought of her leaving us is enough to make me tear. Her safety and all that.Well i noe that God will take care of her there and that's all that i need to ease my fears.
hmm.... a month of maggie mees for us then..
My first reaction was "HUH?" coz i just got back home from live firing ytd midnite when the news reached me. My brother told me while mama was standing next to him.
Next was "Why?" which was a dumb qn to ask but still ..... there wasnt any talk abt her wanting to go before ytd night. So it was kindof a shock. She told me her reason. Only me and my siblings would understand.
Next was "With who?" to which she replied alone.
"Alone?"
"Yes alone."
"Why?"
No reply. None was needed anw. Was a dumb qn.
Final qn, "How much?" to which she replied $9000. And it was only then that i was feeling happy for my mum. Im proud of her too. After what's just happen, she's leaving us for a mth. We ve got the money and mama's finally got the chance to perform the haj. I have no objections.
Of course the thought of her leaving us is enough to make me tear. Her safety and all that.Well i noe that God will take care of her there and that's all that i need to ease my fears.
hmm.... a month of maggie mees for us then..
Thursday, September 21, 2006
....i think i'm fine...
I was bored last week. Just finished reading a book, and embarked on a new one. After 130 pages, my body was aching; I like to read lying down on my stomach on my bed. And i was thinking, what could i do next? I could go outside and watch tv. Or go to the kitchen to look for snacks which i noe doesnt exist. Or i could just remain on my bed, close my eyes and imagine what'll it'll be like if i went outside to watch tv. Or what it's like to go to the kitchen to look for snacks that doesnt exist. Or going out with my friends to anywhere but my home.
BUt i saw my sis's laptop on my study table. Been using it to play Need for Speed Underground 2 till i got bored. That was when i started on my new book. Anws, i decided to use the net, and after minutes of mindless surfing, i blogged.
And i didnt blog the way i usually would. (Was looking back at my past posts after i typed this line) Didnt realise that i sound quite dead. But as i was saying, i chose to write as though im writing. Writing as in writing a book and not just some random scribblings. So i started out writing about the book ive finished reading. BUt somehow or rather, i began writing about me. My life. Something i wanted to avoid writing too much about.
Mama was the lucky first. Then my dad. And eventually it was about me. SOmehow, looking back, it seems as though i was like a young child wanting everyone to pay attention to me. It kindof seem like a stunt to get people to notice me. Obviously it worked. But the thing is, a child would feel happy having gotten others to notice him. So i guess i am too. It's as though i needed the assurance that i'm not my own society. There are others with me too.
And then there's the internet connection. That was written by the me who wasnt thinking. I told someone about it and everything just seem to fall into place nicely.
So see, now im talking as though everything's fine. Wells, come to think of it, everything's still rather manageable. Coz u see, sometimes, i see the glass in front of me half empty. And i noe that i can choose to see it half full too!
And now that i dun seem like im losing it... i'll talk about something else. Driving license to be exact.
Mama talked to me about getting a license. And said that my sister also wants to go learn driving. And i was like, finally, a catalyst that's bound to make me learn driving. But all of a sudden, i realise something's missing. Im missing a dad who could tell me a thing or two about driving coz as far as im concerned, he is the best driver ive ever known. We did talk once about when i think i want to get my license. That was when i was working with him. So i was thinking, haha.... he could sponser me!!
BUt now that im sponsering myself, ive gotta think twice coz ive got to sponser so many other things. If i dun withdraw anymore money, my bank will finally go above the $4000 mark next month. ANd my mission will be to not go below that mark. And once i hit $5000, i'll try not go below that mark. I talked about getting a license with the guys in my MG course bunk-- 3 guys in their late 20s. Shared their experience with me... road tax and insurance and installments and patrol and what not per month... it's something that my dad could be telling me about if he was around. And it seems like getting a car is a no no in the near future. License wise... gotta think about it some more... shall take my time going about it....
So yea, tink i'll keep on trying to be the guy i said i wanna be dib. ANd nizar, both u and i and everyone noes that if we meet up, i wun be talking much ...as always. And kim, i hope beyond hope too that the future will be bright.
Till next time.
BUt i saw my sis's laptop on my study table. Been using it to play Need for Speed Underground 2 till i got bored. That was when i started on my new book. Anws, i decided to use the net, and after minutes of mindless surfing, i blogged.
And i didnt blog the way i usually would. (Was looking back at my past posts after i typed this line) Didnt realise that i sound quite dead. But as i was saying, i chose to write as though im writing. Writing as in writing a book and not just some random scribblings. So i started out writing about the book ive finished reading. BUt somehow or rather, i began writing about me. My life. Something i wanted to avoid writing too much about.
Mama was the lucky first. Then my dad. And eventually it was about me. SOmehow, looking back, it seems as though i was like a young child wanting everyone to pay attention to me. It kindof seem like a stunt to get people to notice me. Obviously it worked. But the thing is, a child would feel happy having gotten others to notice him. So i guess i am too. It's as though i needed the assurance that i'm not my own society. There are others with me too.
And then there's the internet connection. That was written by the me who wasnt thinking. I told someone about it and everything just seem to fall into place nicely.
So see, now im talking as though everything's fine. Wells, come to think of it, everything's still rather manageable. Coz u see, sometimes, i see the glass in front of me half empty. And i noe that i can choose to see it half full too!
And now that i dun seem like im losing it... i'll talk about something else. Driving license to be exact.
Mama talked to me about getting a license. And said that my sister also wants to go learn driving. And i was like, finally, a catalyst that's bound to make me learn driving. But all of a sudden, i realise something's missing. Im missing a dad who could tell me a thing or two about driving coz as far as im concerned, he is the best driver ive ever known. We did talk once about when i think i want to get my license. That was when i was working with him. So i was thinking, haha.... he could sponser me!!
BUt now that im sponsering myself, ive gotta think twice coz ive got to sponser so many other things. If i dun withdraw anymore money, my bank will finally go above the $4000 mark next month. ANd my mission will be to not go below that mark. And once i hit $5000, i'll try not go below that mark. I talked about getting a license with the guys in my MG course bunk-- 3 guys in their late 20s. Shared their experience with me... road tax and insurance and installments and patrol and what not per month... it's something that my dad could be telling me about if he was around. And it seems like getting a car is a no no in the near future. License wise... gotta think about it some more... shall take my time going about it....
So yea, tink i'll keep on trying to be the guy i said i wanna be dib. ANd nizar, both u and i and everyone noes that if we meet up, i wun be talking much ...as always. And kim, i hope beyond hope too that the future will be bright.
Till next time.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Aut tace aut loquere meliora silentio
Yet another week has passed and looking at my life thus far, it seems as though i live to count the number of years i have left. A little depressing and worrying, I know. Why this has been so, I dont know.
Ive been reading a book during the week that is almost coming to an end. The Society of Others. It's about an alienated young man who can see no meaning in life. He doesnt even see the point of getting out of bed in the morning. Being confined to the four walls of his room, looking out of his window, watching TV ... tt's his idea of life. You might sort of have realised why i borrowed this book yea?
Anws, his dad left him this amount of money telling him to go out and explore. And he took the thousand Euro and pasted the notes on his walls. Kind of like how i pasted revision notes on my wall. As i was saying, one day, he was lookin out his window and saw this pigeon on his window ledge. The pigeon was staring at him like it wanted to tell him something.
He asked without actually asking what is it that the pigeon wants to tell him. The pigeon flew off. That was when he decided to pack a bag - a pair of jeans, a tshirt, a pair of underwear, a pair of socks - and some money and began a journey.
The story brought me on a journey with him to i still dun noe where. It remains a mystery. A philosophical book i must say. Kind of irritating to have spent a week reading the book without having a proper "happily ever after" ending. But the way he wrote it, it's like reading a story that i could have written about myself some years in the future. I travelled across Europe without actually going anywhere. Somehow ive rekindled the interest i used have with books.
Im currently somewhere in the US, living the life of a music journalist turned Uncle Agony for some teen mag after the mag company he was working for folded. Spent half of today reading 130 pages.. Shows how great im living my life huh? Anws, i like it.. at least for this phase of my life when i simply do not know how tomorrow will be? What'll i do in future? My mama...
She's really having trouble controlling my siblings who doesnt seem to be willing to listen to her. Thus her frequent nagging. And i dun really noe how to go about helping her. It's not as if i cant punish my siblings like how i would, but i choose not to, with my men in camp. Normally, if we become out of hand, mama would simply tell dad of the going-ons and he'll be the one to discipline us.
Ive not really stepped into my dad's shoes. Being the man of the family. It's a tremendous job to sign up for. And ive been kind of avoiding doing my job. Being in camp sort of made this possible. Though both dad and i are size 10, and though i do wear some of his shoes, it's just this one pair of shoes that i just dont feel like wearing. Yes, i know i have no choice and that i'll wear it one day. Im waiting for that one day to come. Somehow, I keep thinking that that day would be the day mama leaves her pair of shoes behind .... her pair of shoes plus her many other pair of shoes plus a whole wardrobe of clothes. I hope id step into the household scene soon.
Mama tells me that it's been 3 months since dad left us. In my mind i went like "hmmm" and oh, i didnt realise it was so. Or more like, was it important how long it's been since he left us? All i know is this -- he left us.
I live to count the days i have left. And now i realise my mama lives and counts the days he left us. This makes me wonder what kind of life am i living. A self-centred life? Maybe. Maybe not. After all, i am making $700 a month, an amount which i dun really noe how much it's worth. I mean i do give my mama a share of my allowance. The thing is i dun really noe how much we're actually spending a month. Our phone bills, and net bills, and utilities bill and my bros and sis allowance and groceries and who noes what else i dun noe about. All i could do now is to frequently walk round the house and switch of whatever appliances we're not using. Like someone with OCD. Im not obsessed. Maybe i am.
I never talk to mama about such stuffs. Maybe because she seems okay everytime i come home. No problems whatsoever. I hope beyond hope that all is well. And like how she used to say that prior to the days before dad fell ill, she felt very distant from him.... Im sort of feeling the same way. It's not mama who is keeping a distant from me but more like the other way round.
I am keeping a distant from mama. Maybe without me realising it.
I seem to be running out of words as the days go on by. Aut tace aut loquere meliora silentio. Either be silent or let your speech be better than silence. A quote from The Society of Others. Somehow i always think that i could never be part of a nice conversation. Or at the very least a decent conversation. Even with my mama. sighs.
Could it be that im going? I am afterall, going for my MG live firing next week. Enough with all this. But who knows? No one expected dad to fall ill all of a sudden. Right?
I am still thinking whether i should terminate this internet connection of mine. it's a good $40 a month... and a significant cut on electricity bill coz surfing the net is what my sis do best. and i realise ive been using it to check my mail and blog.. On weekends only. And it's becomin clear that i shouldnt really waste my time with all this because.... because of what i cant really figure out exactly. But terminating would mean im shutting myself out from the rest of you whom i can only reach via the Net coz im still not a people person. But considering that ive been kind of alone most of the time, i wun really be shutting myself out coz it seems that ive been doing it since wen i dun noe. But a part of me just dun want to. Maybe i was right when i said that i wont terminate till i get my reply. Whatever i might mean...
You could tell how im spending my time at home by just looking at how long tis entry is. Longest since i dunnoe when. Well then... hope you guys are living your life fully. And to my sis, you are not allowed to live life fully. You are within the boundaries set by mama.... be home on time. Wake up early. Help her out. Help her control our twins. Enough with MSN and the net. Enough with friends if possible. And heard that u wanted to buy an MP3 player. Dun waste money even though it comes from ur own bank. I wanted to buy a digi cam with the surplus money i got for getting IPPT gold. But time changes everything. Each an every single cent we have means everything. What if it's true, that i am going? We dont just live for today. Nor do we just live for tomorrow.
We live for today, tomorrow as well as the many many days i see in the bumpy future ahead.
The End
Ive been reading a book during the week that is almost coming to an end. The Society of Others. It's about an alienated young man who can see no meaning in life. He doesnt even see the point of getting out of bed in the morning. Being confined to the four walls of his room, looking out of his window, watching TV ... tt's his idea of life. You might sort of have realised why i borrowed this book yea?
Anws, his dad left him this amount of money telling him to go out and explore. And he took the thousand Euro and pasted the notes on his walls. Kind of like how i pasted revision notes on my wall. As i was saying, one day, he was lookin out his window and saw this pigeon on his window ledge. The pigeon was staring at him like it wanted to tell him something.
He asked without actually asking what is it that the pigeon wants to tell him. The pigeon flew off. That was when he decided to pack a bag - a pair of jeans, a tshirt, a pair of underwear, a pair of socks - and some money and began a journey.
The story brought me on a journey with him to i still dun noe where. It remains a mystery. A philosophical book i must say. Kind of irritating to have spent a week reading the book without having a proper "happily ever after" ending. But the way he wrote it, it's like reading a story that i could have written about myself some years in the future. I travelled across Europe without actually going anywhere. Somehow ive rekindled the interest i used have with books.
Im currently somewhere in the US, living the life of a music journalist turned Uncle Agony for some teen mag after the mag company he was working for folded. Spent half of today reading 130 pages.. Shows how great im living my life huh? Anws, i like it.. at least for this phase of my life when i simply do not know how tomorrow will be? What'll i do in future? My mama...
She's really having trouble controlling my siblings who doesnt seem to be willing to listen to her. Thus her frequent nagging. And i dun really noe how to go about helping her. It's not as if i cant punish my siblings like how i would, but i choose not to, with my men in camp. Normally, if we become out of hand, mama would simply tell dad of the going-ons and he'll be the one to discipline us.
Ive not really stepped into my dad's shoes. Being the man of the family. It's a tremendous job to sign up for. And ive been kind of avoiding doing my job. Being in camp sort of made this possible. Though both dad and i are size 10, and though i do wear some of his shoes, it's just this one pair of shoes that i just dont feel like wearing. Yes, i know i have no choice and that i'll wear it one day. Im waiting for that one day to come. Somehow, I keep thinking that that day would be the day mama leaves her pair of shoes behind .... her pair of shoes plus her many other pair of shoes plus a whole wardrobe of clothes. I hope id step into the household scene soon.
Mama tells me that it's been 3 months since dad left us. In my mind i went like "hmmm" and oh, i didnt realise it was so. Or more like, was it important how long it's been since he left us? All i know is this -- he left us.
I live to count the days i have left. And now i realise my mama lives and counts the days he left us. This makes me wonder what kind of life am i living. A self-centred life? Maybe. Maybe not. After all, i am making $700 a month, an amount which i dun really noe how much it's worth. I mean i do give my mama a share of my allowance. The thing is i dun really noe how much we're actually spending a month. Our phone bills, and net bills, and utilities bill and my bros and sis allowance and groceries and who noes what else i dun noe about. All i could do now is to frequently walk round the house and switch of whatever appliances we're not using. Like someone with OCD. Im not obsessed. Maybe i am.
I never talk to mama about such stuffs. Maybe because she seems okay everytime i come home. No problems whatsoever. I hope beyond hope that all is well. And like how she used to say that prior to the days before dad fell ill, she felt very distant from him.... Im sort of feeling the same way. It's not mama who is keeping a distant from me but more like the other way round.
I am keeping a distant from mama. Maybe without me realising it.
I seem to be running out of words as the days go on by. Aut tace aut loquere meliora silentio. Either be silent or let your speech be better than silence. A quote from The Society of Others. Somehow i always think that i could never be part of a nice conversation. Or at the very least a decent conversation. Even with my mama. sighs.
Could it be that im going? I am afterall, going for my MG live firing next week. Enough with all this. But who knows? No one expected dad to fall ill all of a sudden. Right?
I am still thinking whether i should terminate this internet connection of mine. it's a good $40 a month... and a significant cut on electricity bill coz surfing the net is what my sis do best. and i realise ive been using it to check my mail and blog.. On weekends only. And it's becomin clear that i shouldnt really waste my time with all this because.... because of what i cant really figure out exactly. But terminating would mean im shutting myself out from the rest of you whom i can only reach via the Net coz im still not a people person. But considering that ive been kind of alone most of the time, i wun really be shutting myself out coz it seems that ive been doing it since wen i dun noe. But a part of me just dun want to. Maybe i was right when i said that i wont terminate till i get my reply. Whatever i might mean...
You could tell how im spending my time at home by just looking at how long tis entry is. Longest since i dunnoe when. Well then... hope you guys are living your life fully. And to my sis, you are not allowed to live life fully. You are within the boundaries set by mama.... be home on time. Wake up early. Help her out. Help her control our twins. Enough with MSN and the net. Enough with friends if possible. And heard that u wanted to buy an MP3 player. Dun waste money even though it comes from ur own bank. I wanted to buy a digi cam with the surplus money i got for getting IPPT gold. But time changes everything. Each an every single cent we have means everything. What if it's true, that i am going? We dont just live for today. Nor do we just live for tomorrow.
We live for today, tomorrow as well as the many many days i see in the bumpy future ahead.
The End
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Why cant i?
Why cant i stop feeling the way im feeling right now? .... why?....
I could be feeling bored and i wanna stop feelin this way but i cant.
I could be feeling happy and i wanna stop feelin this way.... Why cant i not be happy?
I could be feeling dumb and foolish and seems like im wasting my time... and i wanna stop feelin this way...
There's a million and one "could be"s ....... And only i noe the right one...
-out of sheer boredom-
I could be feeling bored and i wanna stop feelin this way but i cant.
I could be feeling happy and i wanna stop feelin this way.... Why cant i not be happy?
I could be feeling dumb and foolish and seems like im wasting my time... and i wanna stop feelin this way...
There's a million and one "could be"s ....... And only i noe the right one...
-out of sheer boredom-
Saturday, September 09, 2006
This past week
im feelin bored yet again. When im in camp, i look forward to going home. Surfing the net, checking my mail. But now tt im home, having surfed the net and checked my mail, i really wished i was still in camp.
Camp life has been fun so far. Played soccer like in the morning, at night and the next morning the past 2 days. Playing the PS2 seems to be part of the timetable. Sleeping time... nap time... its all taken care of. Very very relaxing. Which is why i get bored on weekends. Nothing to look forward to (besides bookin in). Am going for a course next week. heard it'll be a fairly relaxed one. Lookin forward to it. Think i would go to the library... look for books to read. To fill time.
So many things going on.... but none that can be written in this space of mine. Maybe im just lazy.
Camp life has been fun so far. Played soccer like in the morning, at night and the next morning the past 2 days. Playing the PS2 seems to be part of the timetable. Sleeping time... nap time... its all taken care of. Very very relaxing. Which is why i get bored on weekends. Nothing to look forward to (besides bookin in). Am going for a course next week. heard it'll be a fairly relaxed one. Lookin forward to it. Think i would go to the library... look for books to read. To fill time.
So many things going on.... but none that can be written in this space of mine. Maybe im just lazy.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Just another entry
Came back from p6 class reunion. Not all managed to turn up but we still had a great time. Catching up on each other... reminiscing the past. It was just sweet. Especially after 6 years of not seeing each other. But once the clock went past 10, i was feelin a lil restless coz i dun really like to stay outside home so late. Still not used to it. Maybe coz i also wanna set a gd example for my bros.... mama would get worried if her children is still not back home even though its so late. yea.
All of a sudden, ive got at least 10 "new" friends. everyone seemed very very nice to everyone. Hope to get to catch up more with them thru msn... ive got more ppl to talk to.
Have i talked about my first week in 6 SIR? hmm... felt as if i have. But i havent. And i dun have the drive i used to have to write abt it. Am just feelin a bit low at the moment for no apparent reason. -moody-
Wished i could be in p6 now... and start afresh.
All of a sudden, ive got at least 10 "new" friends. everyone seemed very very nice to everyone. Hope to get to catch up more with them thru msn... ive got more ppl to talk to.
Have i talked about my first week in 6 SIR? hmm... felt as if i have. But i havent. And i dun have the drive i used to have to write abt it. Am just feelin a bit low at the moment for no apparent reason. -moody-
Wished i could be in p6 now... and start afresh.
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