Hard week

Some times it seem as if it's been months even though it has only been barely a week since he left us. And at times, it felt like a bad dream that I've yet to wake up from.

No matter how much I try to stay strong, Id crumble. No matter how much I try to not think about it, I'd think about it more. And no matter how much I try to forget about it, I fail.

This week has been a test of my mental strength -- my ability to perform my duties in camp amidst the happenings at home. At one point in my life, army seems like one of the best things that had ever happened to me. But lately, I'm beginning to not like army. I find that army takes too much of my time in a sense tt im better off out there trying to earn more than a mere 450 a month. I m beginning to feel the need to be home more often. There were times I didnt want to give my best during trainings but lucky for me, I have great section mates to count on. Knowing that I have another family in camp made me feel much better. So now, I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I still hate Army.

The most important thing I learnt this week is to not give in to ur emotions too easily. Coz if not, life can be truly miserable. Simply let the excess water in ur eyes flow, take deep breaths, look at the stars... and relax. Only then can u start to think straight.

Been adapting to the sudden change in momentum rather well though initially, it was tough coz a whole mountain of responsibilities was suddenly being heaped on me. But of course, now I have no choice but to cut my hair in camp coz its cheaper (the downside of it is the style). Now, I have to think twice before taking a cab or before I enter a McD. Now I wash all my dirty laundry in camp. Theres just some things that I can no longer afford to spend on unlike previously. My plan to get a new pair of shoes shall be put on hold once again.

We were told from young to save for a rainy day. Since it rains almost every other day in Singapore, savings tend to get spent very often. My rainy day has arrived and I wonder if I had saved enough...

Well I guess this entry marks the end of me being in a self-pity mode. Time to get a grip of things. Time to step up the engine. =)