Sunday

A long day today too.

Wenta my dad's new place. Mama wanted to go there. Been exactly a mth since he left us. Mama still cries when she talks about him. But going there aint easy coz a cab to and fro can easily cost $30 max. The bus + mrt combo would be a more affordable mode but time consuming. Well we spent a gd 30 mins there b4 we headed back home.

Wenta PS in the afternoon... my bros band performing. So they ended up winning the only award up for grabs -- the grooviest band award. Not bad..

Wenta Serangoon to meet Hafiz. Wanted to borrow a couple of uniforms. Needed a few set of unfaded green smart 4s. So now i have wat i want.

Rushed to Beach Rd to get wateva stuff i need for the trip to taiwan. Rushed back home after tt.

Still got a couple more things to buy for my trip. Gonna go back sch to collect my alevel cert. And am thinkin of wat to get for me and my sibs in taiwan. =)

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Its getting kindof boring to go to places by myself. HAH! To think that i used to think that i would enjoy being in a world called isolation for the rest of my life. Well i was wrong.

rare day

went out twice. yea yall didnt read it wrong. twice. met up with friends and sort of just talked.

had lunch with someone from school. talked about stuff here and there. was great. never really actually went out just for lunch with anyone before. haha. yea.
had dinner with a couple of someone from school. hock and eugene. talked about stuff here and there too! More like talked about stuff all over j8. Abt army and soccer and grace. grace can talk melayu already seh. Can only imagine her talking in malay. haha. And i never really actually went out just for dinner with anyone b4 oso.. haha... just happens that today happens to be my free day and when im free, i really dun mind doing stuff i seldom/never do...

got home. brought my bros chickenchops frm kfc. sister was out working at some mini cooper amazing race stuff tt i wasnt even aware of. Its a one off event. And talked to mum about my friends. And about me going out. About how i used to not want to go out because i dun wanna be scolded by my mama like how my sis was wheneva she comes home from her outings. About how friends need to be maintained and how she thinks that if i got free time, i should ask my friends out and what not.

Haha... I never asked anyone out before. Why would i coz i never liked leaving home anyway. Well now tt ive sorta break tt never-asking-anyone-out streak for the first time tis week, ive a feeelin things may change.

But i wonder if itll take me 3 years b4 i start askin anyone out again. lol.

Tired eyes. gd nite.

home..

2 weeks confinement. Felt like it'll never end.Live firings. Navigation. heli trng. More live firings. Marches. Runs. Urban warfare.

I was missing home.

There was a couple of events tt took place tis past 2 wks tt would help me become a better person in future. Was under a lot of pressure during that few hours. Luckily, matters were resolved and it was a gd learning experience for both me and my platoonmates.

And ive been a bastard lately. Too much time spent in camp versus at home might have made me lose touch with the real me. But the experience was good too. U learn how to make things right and get things back to the way it was.

Was lookin thru the 3 big photoalbums we hav. Mostly pictures from the past. None from the past 6-7 years? Dun remember seeing or taking any pictures of late. Saw my baby pictures. Me and my dad. Could see that he preety proud of his first little boy.

Now im preety proud of my dad.

Regular weekly update

wells, im truly appreciative of all e support me and my family received from friends and family. Indeed, help comes from unexpected sources. Like suddenly all my neighbours have approached my mama to offer wateva help they can provide or wateva ideas they may have to help us and im indeed very touched by their gestures.

frens of mine dropped by tis afternoon. was glad they came. however, i tink i was a bad host just now. dun really noe the way to entertain guests coz im not those kind who are naturals when it comes to interactin with ppl. well i guess tis sorta things takes time and practice.

Leavin for camp tonite. Will be back on the 8th of july. Bookin in on the 9th. A long book out from the 15th till the 18th. And off to Taiwan on the 22nd. Someone's leavin on the 22nd too. Returnin back to homeland on the 12th of August followed by a day off. Then it'll be a week of parade rehearsals and course debrief and ill be expectin the 3 stripes on the 19th.

How 2 months can fly on just a short paragraph.

Thanks once again and till next time.

Hard week

Some times it seem as if it's been months even though it has only been barely a week since he left us. And at times, it felt like a bad dream that I've yet to wake up from.

No matter how much I try to stay strong, Id crumble. No matter how much I try to not think about it, I'd think about it more. And no matter how much I try to forget about it, I fail.

This week has been a test of my mental strength -- my ability to perform my duties in camp amidst the happenings at home. At one point in my life, army seems like one of the best things that had ever happened to me. But lately, I'm beginning to not like army. I find that army takes too much of my time in a sense tt im better off out there trying to earn more than a mere 450 a month. I m beginning to feel the need to be home more often. There were times I didnt want to give my best during trainings but lucky for me, I have great section mates to count on. Knowing that I have another family in camp made me feel much better. So now, I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I still hate Army.

The most important thing I learnt this week is to not give in to ur emotions too easily. Coz if not, life can be truly miserable. Simply let the excess water in ur eyes flow, take deep breaths, look at the stars... and relax. Only then can u start to think straight.

Been adapting to the sudden change in momentum rather well though initially, it was tough coz a whole mountain of responsibilities was suddenly being heaped on me. But of course, now I have no choice but to cut my hair in camp coz its cheaper (the downside of it is the style). Now, I have to think twice before taking a cab or before I enter a McD. Now I wash all my dirty laundry in camp. Theres just some things that I can no longer afford to spend on unlike previously. My plan to get a new pair of shoes shall be put on hold once again.

We were told from young to save for a rainy day. Since it rains almost every other day in Singapore, savings tend to get spent very often. My rainy day has arrived and I wonder if I had saved enough...

Well I guess this entry marks the end of me being in a self-pity mode. Time to get a grip of things. Time to step up the engine. =)

Sunday morning tears are falling Part 2

Its been 2 weeks and am i glad to have been with him on all 3 weekends. I knew this day would come. It was only a matter of time. He put up a tough fight but when its time for him to leave, he'll havta leave.

Its quite hard to hold back the tears. But i realise i have to coz now im the man of the family. Ive gotta be strong and stable so tt my family noes there's someone like dad still around in the family. I worry for mama. Remember how she had stomach pains just days b4 dad got admitted to the hospital. Well now tt dad's no longer wif us, who would wake me up to tell me tt mama's in pain? Who would bring her to the 24hrs clinic if anything were to happen in the early hours of the morning? But since im in camp 6 days a week, i wonder how things will run at home...

I wonder abt things i think i should wonder abt. Our mthly income. My siblings education. My education. Mama. Though ppl tell me not to worry abt tis sort of things, i wonder.... if its ever possible.

But nevertheless, dad left us a roof to live under. All paid for. I ll see wat i can do to get things back to normal, even though i noe it can never be the same again.

The sole breadwinner. Never tot it would be so soon. im only 18. But God willing, we'll sail out of this darkness together as a family.

Fathers' Day never meant anything to me..... So now i noe. Appreciate ur dad's sacrifices and hard work. Never take him for granted. Never assume that he owes u a living. Give him the respect he deserves. Even if he's unreasonable or overly protective or too conservative or what not. Its never too early to tell ur dad u love him. Do not wait till the very end. Trust me. And yea, hug ur dads dearly while u still can.

Wells, till next time. Happy Father's Day.

An unusual post

hmm... where should i start.

spent last nite in e hosp. received a call from mama during trng. got the chance to book out ytd. dad went for op. now in icu. how things happened so fast. its gonna get faster.

of coz i am not trying to think abt it too much in camp. thinkin abt home. how my siblings are doing. how my mama is doing. Hope we'll be strong and get thru tis together.

Army's been great. Got gold for ippt. Timing worsened by a second. Passed my soc. So the physical aspect of the course is over for me.

well... writing a post in mcd over breakfast. Unusual. BUt hu carees. Haha... its quite weird lah the feeling. Anws, tc. Officially bookin out nxt weekend. Till then.

critical cond

onli time will tell

Sunday morning tears are falling

Wells, the run didnt materialise. Alarm clock was set at 0630. Woken up by an sms at 0603. Slept again. Woke up at 0630. Gave myself 5 more minutes of extra rest... and..

It wasnt one of those 5-minutes-that-turned-out-to-be-more-hours-of-sleep. Mama woke me up told me that dad needs help going to the toilet. I was like huh??!!

So i went to the master bedroom and saw dad lying very weak on the bed. Cant stand on his own 2 feet. My heart sank. I mean, it happened before a couple of years back and i tot it'll be a one off incident. I guess theres a reason for things to turn out this way. Thank god mama's gastric pain had gone lah. And that im out of camp. Dunnoe wat would happen if i was i camp. How my brothers or my sister would be of help. But im sure they'll find a way.

I did say in the previous posts about some cycle that's reversing and how i hope it'll not happen in the near future. The future i had was 30 years or so... when im older... But i fail to realise that if so, they'll already be 80+.

The future begins now.

Satuday night

Got home today. Slept.

Had 4k run tis morning. its been like ages ago since we at sispec ran lah. So yea, we ran at a decent pace. Chest pain leg pain. Gotta get the engine running once again. Had streghth training. Again, arm pain, abs pain, neck pain...

Dunnoe why tonite, i feel like i want to buy a digicam. Taking pictures for memories... After i get $200 for getting gold for ippt next, i'll get a cam. Haa... the confidence i exude..


Gonna warm up for ippt tmr. Wenta google earth to look for a suitable route with suitable distance. Gonna execute my plan tmr. Based on experience, morning runs never seem to materialise but for $200 and no more IPPTs for the entire course, i think things may change.

Watched Hamburger Hill... some vietnam war story. Scary how the war is being faught. How ur section mates die. How long it takes to seize control of a hill. How many men are needed to die trying to conquer the hill. How men struggle to charge up hill when its raining.

I tend to forget that when we attack enemies with our M203s or SAWs or grenades or M16s, they too attack us with weapons that can kill. We learn how to dig trenches. They too know how to dig trenches. Its totally scary if a war is to happen...

But so long as there're soldiers like me around, there's nthg to worry abt.

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Gonna go taiwan on july 21 to Aug 12. Soo lookin forward to it. Abit strange how we'll be spending our national day over there. But a week after our ROC trip will be our POP!! 19 aug.

Not many bookouts in store for us. Next one being on the 17of June. However, we'll be compensated our offs from 15-18 July... the weekend b4 our ROC trip.

Well it was the second day me and me section have been together and i must say that everyone seem to be getting along with each other just well. Too early to say but it just seems like it.

wells, till next time.

Final rest day

5 days of inactivity and i put on 3kg. Am weighing 72.3kg. Wells with respect to my height, my weight is still acceptable but yea, gotta get rid of more fats. Haha... dun ask me why im suddenly tokin abt height and weight.

Woken up tis morning by mama. She wanted to go to the poly. Of course the initial frustration... but after 5 mins of thinkin in "anger"... i chilled and yea, wenta the doc. Her cond today was a bit worse than ytd. Ended up in bed like the entire day. Ate nthg but bread. Oh man.... the cycle is reversing. U noe how mama was the one who look after us when we're ill, cookin porridge, buying fruits and stuffs... now its us kids turn lah. Of course, the unfair thing was that we didnt really noe what to do. SHe knew she could take care of herself but she was thinkin about wat we'll eat for dinner. Haha... so we ate bread and maggie. It aint fun when mama's sick. (Lucky im goin back to camp tmr morning! Proper meals. Whahaa... kd..)

Wells Dad's coming back home looking more and more tired every night. Rather worrying. Coz we wun noe what we'll do if both mama and dad fall ill at the same time. Pray hard tt wun come in the near future.

Well, hope everything would turn out fine. Off to camp tmr. Back on Saturday. The begining of a new journey.

Had my mind off army this coup of days

A lil outdated but that's how it's always been.

Still thinking abt the past -- How i used to relate what's happening in real life to whats happening on film. Haha... the symbolism and such.

Suddenly felt like dancin... u can see why... Care for a dance?

The later part of wed...

Have u ever felt as though ure helpless?

Sitting there looking at someone not knowing what to do?

Not knowing what to do except looking at that someone?

The feeling sucked.

Wenta the doctor. Got an injection. Waited for her medicine. Her name was called. I wenta collect her medicine. Was abt to go home but we cant. Her pain was unbearable. So we sat there. And i waited. She sat there in pain. I gave her a shoulder to cry on -- literally. She asked me to rub her back. So i rubbed. Waited again for a bit and finally, she could find her strength to walk and we went home.

Reminded me of one rainy Thursday night in school.

I guess when someone's feelin sad, hurt, depressed, pain... all she needs is a shoulder to cry and lean on. Someone to share her feelings with. And maybe someone to rub her back.

Haha... Being surrounded by four blue walls, the com in front of me, oh i so miss my past.

Wed

first family outing to the movies ytd-minus the sister and the father (school and work respectively) .....

WEnta Lido. Haa... mama led the way. She knew where to alight, which exits and turns to take. Haha... And to think i'd been there like a couple of months back only lah! Her last time taking the train going to that part of singapore mustve been like ages ago! Haha.... ive got lots of training to do....

.....However i must say tt going to the movies isnt a good place to chill with ur family. Best to go with friends. That's what i think lah, based on the 2 previous cine trips with my friends.

.... Family outings are better when u accompany ur mama walk round and round looking at pots and pans and glasses and clothes and what not without even buying them. I mean, no matter how tiring and irritating and annoying it may feel, at least there's bonding thru things like "I wanna go home", "Can we go home now" and "I still want to walk walk somemore"...

....Eating at McD or cavana is even a whole lot better than the movies. Sitting face to face with ur siblings, seeing how adorable they are, disturbing them, sharing foood and drinks, seeing how they eat, the way they talk....

Well tts just my personal preference. Home sweet home.

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Mama woke up sick. Had to run a distance to my aunt's place to get medicine. Early morning sprint. Got to buck up my stamina. Might hvta take a trip to the doc. Hope not coz i'm a bit lazy to move. But tis doesnt mean im unwilling.

It's all my fault. If i had trained up my stamina, mama wouldnt hv been sick.

When u've got time, stop, and think about life....

Almost 2pm. Woke up at 1030. First 4 hours spent on eating, washing my clothes... and thinking about what to do the next 3 days. And i was reading some other blog too. Some random blog i happened to chance upon during a google search.

If only i could write so well that people would want to read what was written before this post and the post before this and the post before that post and so on and so forth.... Haha... maybe unknowingly, ive already accomplished that... =P

Thinkin about the past.Thinkin about the future. Thinkin about tmr.

Gonna go watch movie wif my bros and mama. Dad got 4 free movie tickets from his workplace. Mustve got something to do with the DHL- MI3 ads on tv. Wells anws, the plan was to watch X3. Hope the plan works out. The ticket vouchers can be used at any Shaw Org cines.... and coincidentally, the last two and only cines ive been too had been Shaw Org ones... At lido and at BJ... haha... am glad im no longer alien to this sort of things...

Yet to watch DVC.... most likely be watching in on dvd.. Btw, anyone noes where to get pirated DVDs? haha.... siens..

Thinking of getting a PS2.... The sudden need of a means to relax after a week in camp. Thinking of getting a new pair of shoes too! But tt can wait. THinking of getting a girlfren? haa... man... tis is so lame.

I mean, reading some ppl's blog and they mention the word gf often in a joking manner, i remember myself doing the same lame thing last year. Haha... i mean the special someone, her, she, gf... though "LOL" or "haha" or "jk" tends to come hand in hand with these words, it is obviously obvious the point the writer is putting across.... So technically, if one says he is "Thinking of getting a gf... HAHA!", it means that recently, he has been thinking or dreaming about someone whom he likes

.... and he just wants to share his feelings, while it's still fresh, with the world.

.... Lol! My point being, i miss my past.

Where one journey ends, another begins

tHis had been my final week in Sispec ... as a Private. There'll still be another 12 weeks at Sispec for me as a corporal.

We had Chemical Defence exercise on Monday and tuesday. I must admit it was the scariest moment in my life as a Sispec trainee. Haha... the chemical suit was freakin heavy and so-not-spacious that i got a panic atack once i donned the full gear. Haha.... didnt noe i was clausterphobic. Haha...maybe not. I think it was probably because its my first time wearing the suit. heh.. Anws, we had to go into a smoke chamber the next day and obviously, we had to put on the gear again. Wells, i was thinking of 101 reasons to fall out from training -- i got blocked nose on tt day. Haha..... Lucky i did not coz i wouldnt have anything to blog abt if i hadnt went thru wif it. I went thru wif it in the end and was really quite proud with myself. Hhaa... THe trick to "clausterphobia" is too be EXTREMELY calm and breathe in and out DEEPLY.

Had "Happy Hour" on Wednesday nite. Kind of like "prom". Had dinner. There's some performances -- some bad, some ok.. some games.. video presentation of our time at sispec.. and of course, lucky draw.

Hahaaa.... the lucky draw was the turn off of the event lah. PLatooon 3 was the platoon in charge of the lucky draw and they seem to win at least half of the prizes including the first prize -- a PSP!! So we audience tot tt something fishy was goin on and got quite disgusted when the 1st prize winner had been on stage the whole night lah -- one of the 2 emcees. Hhaa....So people walked out b4 they can even say we can go. Haha.... I really think its either foul play or us audience are sore losers. There could even be a conspiracy lah! I think there wasnt a PSP in the first place! It could just be an empty PSP box and the organisers used the first prize PSP as an object to make us audience wait till the very end of the event-- which explains why someone from platoon 3 had to win the prize. haha.... TOo much DVC i tink... hav yet to watch it... siens....

Wednesday thursday abit slacked. Cleaned our whole bunk area and all our equipments.

Friday had parade rehearsal and at night, got 28k route march. Blisters... Pulled the muscle behind my left knee...sucks..

Saturday had actual parade. Posting order. Man... had to stay back in sispec for my seargent course. Must be my security clearance.Anws, was glad to noe that others saw in me what i couldnt see in myself and that i should learn to be a bit more confident in my abilities and to stop thinking so highly of others.

Saturday was also my last day with the friends i made during the past 10 weeks. The feeling sucked. They were probably among the best bunch of people ive been with lah. Hope our paths will cross someday.

Saturday was also the day all those posted to ASLC (Advance Section Leaders' Course) at my company came to my company. WEnta our bunks. Do some admin work. And had a brief briefing by our OC. He's a new guy. ANd i must say he seems at least 5 times better than the previous OC. His briefing lifted my morale and made me look forward to the start of ASLC. And of course, having Yong in my platoon made my day a bit better. Shit... now i must watch what i type here. Haha....

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Next book in timing -- Friday 2nd June 0730H. I needed the rest.

Till next time.

Disappear?

What do u mean when u say tt im starting to disappear? Hmmmm.... i guess appearing once or twice a week -- and tts just online -- is as good as not being on the face of this earth.

Well its been a while since i saw my old friends... not surprisingly... Funny how some things'll just never change....

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Second last week in camp this week. 9 weeks old friends will come to pass... The best bunch of people ive been ard wif since quite some time... gonna miss them.

This week, we had section "live" firing. It was as close as we could get to firing real humans. Some real life Counterstrike. Sadly, the whole firing lasted only 1 minute. BUt i was rather glad i got top frag. Fired 2 mags and i shot 12 people. I killed 12 people in under a minute!! I wanted to adopt a one click one kill policy but since we were given 6 mags of 30 virtual round, why not use all of em? BUt i was unlucky in the sense that after my 2nd magazine, the system kinda malfunctioned and that's it. Still cant believe that i'm deadly. Whahaha.... hope i get posted to Support Arms and become a sniper.

******

Had Exercise Nutcracker tis week. A defence exercise. 3D2N at Mandai. I was chosen as the Leader Platoon Sergeant. Its like a temporary leadership post assigned to random people thruout the course. There's like a list already drawn out at the start of the course for this role. But i wasnt on tt list. My name was sthg out of the blue.

Earlier on this week, my sir called me to the office to ask for my educational particulars and he asked me this question..... " If i send ur name to go OCS, u want or dun want?" To which i replied, "Yes sir". He reminded me tt tis isnt confirmed and i totally understands why. He'll only submit my name but ill have to go thru interviews and what not... Haha... the door has once again opened... Hope i get in. Then my pay will increase!

I gotta start thinkin of how to answer if they ask me why do i want to go to ocs...

Besides the pay, i really cant thiink of politically correct answers! Sure i like to lead and being able to lead a team and command their repect is really a shiok
feeling.... If only i could put my tots down in words....

Back to Nutcracker, I had 4hrs 25min of sleep in 3 days. More sleepless nights to come if i want to lead a life as a leader.

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Army aside... i got accepted to NTU civil engineering. SAme as Nizar... Im glad i got accepted to something. ONly thing for me now is to find out what my future will be like should i choose to accept.

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Im quite surprised at how my 2 bros are doing in school. One got 4 As, the other 2 As... Highest chem, highest malay, highest F&N .... and to think tt mama keeps saying they play soccer and never study... hah... maybe the school's setting some low quality papers...... hahaa.... Or maybe im just jealous tt i didnt do as well when i was sec 1? hahaahah.... Who noes...

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One last thing before i go. The picture on my blog is gone. Argh.... my account on tt storage website had been removed coz it was inactive for 30 days. So for now, it'll be plain purple till i got time to create a new image....

Wells.... till then...

Reading a book

Thank you for applying to the National University of Singapore(NUS).

Admission to the NUS is very competitive as a large number of talented students, such as you, have applied this year. However, the number of places for the course you have applied to is limited. We have looked at youd application carefully and thoroughly, but we are unable to offer you a place at NUS. I am sorry about this.

Well. This was probably the last thing one wants to see when he opens an envelope with NUS printed on it. However, this should be the only thing one should expect to see if he hadnt really put in as much effort as he should have in the days leading to the As.

Serve him right.

Another similar letter from NTU and there goes his future.

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Well i shant be too bothered about this. Looks like ive learnt tt things dun always bloom like how i want it to be. And rejection is something that ive learnt to handle preety well. "Rejection" by OCS... heh... the Air Force... and now NUS...No use feeling bad or what coz it wun make them change their mind. Life goes on.

But, how life goes on .... haha... i dun noe. One and a half years to think about it. POly... work? Overseas uni? HAH... if only my parents earn big bucks.

hmmmmm....Maybe i could rob a bank. Too risky.

Well... lemme see.... if i were a normal malay... what would i do? What would i do? hmmmm .... i noe, start learning how to ride a bike. Get myself my own bike. And enjoy life. Till the day i get hit by a car or a lorry, get sent to the ICU, and wait till they pull the plug.

The simple life. Something i might consider. Having no worries for the rest of my days. In the wise words of Timon and Pumba... hakuna matata...

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Well talking cock as usual. Wasting my time worrying. Shall go and read the book i wanted to read for so long now. Haha... couldnt find it in the libry but somehow, a copy lies in my sister's bedroom. Heh.... the da vinci code. again, my sister's one step ahead of me. Most prob she'll watch the movie ahead of me too....

haha.... MAy 18.

*************

Shant waste time any further. Shall continue reading. Funny, somehow, i find reading a waste of time too. Lying on my bed for hours flipping thru the pages.

See.... am thinking too much. Who cares anyway? Id probably be wasting my life away too....

*************

Till my luck changes.... good day...

..3...

First day break. Slept till 12. Den got called up by CMPB ask me to go down there for blood test -- see wat my blood grp is. (i never knew wats my blood grp coz wen i make ic tt time, they no longer check blood grp)

The trip there was an hr. The time spent there was a mere 5 minutes. Took an unknown bus frm outside cmpb home and ended up at harbourfront. Took the train for another hour long journey home. Got home, ate and slept till 6+. I guess my body's really tired.

NS just round the corner. Am packing my stuffs. Kinda looking forward to the whole thing. yeah... im serious. But i cant help feeling abit the emo lah.

Im gonna miss my bros the most. They still hv yet to say they love me lah. And i'll miss hugging them wen theyre asleeep. I'll miss disturbing them to the extent tt im the one who got scolded for making them shout.

I'll miss a friend too. I'll miss a friend.

More to come soon as i blog down the days i hv left.... nites.

the woman of my life..

....my mama...

It was New Years day. The time was 11.00pm. My sis came out of her room and said tt there's a phone call for me. I wonder who'd call so late at night. Does he or she not noe tt i'll be screwed if i'm using the phone so l8 at night? Anws, i answered and my sec sch fren asked me if i could play tmr morning.

My answer was a yes. W/o any hesitation. coz i couldnt make it to previous games coz of work and now theres no work, why not? And filial me told my mama abt the game and unexpectedly, she said tt its best if i dun go coz i'll be goin in tis saturday and if i get injured and all tt.... and i walked away. I was dead sure i was goin. Wenta my room to perform the last prayer of the day wen i overheard mama lecturing in the living room. The door was closed -- imagine the volume outside. My name was heard and tmr's game was heard and it all meant one thing -- bad news.

Heard frm my bros tt mama said tt if i were to go tmr morning, she wun tok to us. Coz presumably, us kids hav gone overboard lah. Not listening to her and god knows what else. If it's my bros goin out wif relatives(they went bowling ytd) or my sis wif her outings and wat not, then me and my...... me and my what?

I hardly go out. And now u noe why.

So will filial me not go out? And wat would i get in return? A me who so badly wanna play but fail to do so? But if i go, what would tt make me? What if she suddenly says she's not going to send me to tekong and i can jolly well ask the frens i so badly wanna be wif to send me there? Knowing me, i'd say why not and go there myself!

But i would definitely regret tis. Of coz i know there are plenty of u guys who would say tt u wun mind sending me over but.... u can sense the seriousness in this entry can u?

There u go.... a dilemma.. I hv 6 hours to make up my mind -- if i dun slp tt is. WOuld i go, or would i not go? Normally theres someone to tok to but.... haha.... it's been a while. nites.