Happy.....

..but i'm unhappy that i was happy...

.... coz when i'm truly happy, the people around me doesnt seem happy that i'm happy. Well...the people who care that is. For it seems to me like i didnt care about me at all. I was like being happy for 7 hours straight ... neglecting my work.Kim and Hock were like shaking their heads... (hmm...shakeshead...haha... nizar's new blog name for those hu werent aware of the change)... and i was like "i wanna be happy for a while...please lemme be happy for at least 7 hours... coz i'm enjoying every second of it!"

on my way home, it was crap crap crap coming out of my mouth. It was quite ok some of the jokes. Either it was really ok or tauhid simply wanted me to enjoy while i can. Either way, it was nice. Hopefully my jokes didnt hurt tauhid. heh...
we're cool about it.... so i hope i dun have to worry about having hurt his heart or sthg. Guys hv feelings too...

Well, another happy thing was that i beat tauhid 3 times in a row.... yeah... that dumb game again. It was the bonding man.... haha.... never have i felt so bonded to anyone simply by playing games. It was fun. And i vowed to let the 3 straight wins be the way to end my career in that pikachu game. Heh...end it with a high.

Was walking home...that's when the shakeshead thingy came into mind. How they were telling me to study yet i didnt listen. I was the dumbest one out there(i still think chong yu's smarter than me) yet i was the one not doing work!
And this was when i felt the unhappiness after the 7 hour of joy..

....even though the last time i was this happy was ... hmm...cant remember... i guess some people weren't meant to be happy huh?....

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THis is where ppl who hates long entries can not read.

-- looking thru the book. The selection of secondary schools for my 2 bros. Besides Anderson, their next choice is sembawang sec. Poor thing rite? I dun think they can make it into anderson. They're average...so it is very unlikely that they'll make it. Hope they prove me wrong though. But besides Anderson, mum said that the other schools standard are more or less the same so might as well go to the school in front of my house! Save transport money.(Haiz...always the reason for not being able to go out and see the world.) Anws, shant bother about their school too much now.... coz its more or less fixed. Ard 18 sec schools in Sembawang, Yishun, admiralty, woodlands region. So not much to choose from.

My bros were daring. After their PsLE science, they asked my mama if they could go out with their friends to watch GOAL! Haha.... and they said they duwan SUnplaza. Either Causeway point or GV in yishun. Haha..... and mama's reply was expected... her reasons, she dun want them to develop the habit of going out with frens and so on. ANd 6 or 7 or 8 dollars per person is expensive. (I'm not even sure of the pricing system lah.... got children and adult ticket or not ar?? haha... i only familiar with the barber pricing system..) My bros were sad of course. But no choice mah....

I guess mama sees it as if she let them go, she'll be like my sister. If they dun go, they could be like me. Haiz.... when i see them being controlled, it's really not fun. Not that i can do anything about it though. Maybe i NS that time, got money can bring them go out. hehe...Then some more this friday, Hock they all ask me if i wanna go watch GOAL with them. haas.... wat will my bros say if they find out i went to watch GOAL? UNfair rite? ..... well, not that i want to go of course. Though sometimes, i do feel like going. But i'm not used to it. But.... aiyah....same old prob again....scared i'll change my old self... aha..

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In conclusion, i still am unhappy that i was happy today. Coz i hate being happy when i shouldnt be happy. I shouldnt be happy coz my frens feel that it's not the right time for me to be happy? Or is it they want me to be happy for 3 hours at most? haiz..... i find my emotions really complicated. I myself dun really understand what i'm feeling actually.

...Forever doing things that my frens think i should do. (which is always better than wat i wanna do) I'm never happy when others are not happy with what i do... it's just me.... i can't help but be helpless...

But..... but.......... sometimes, i feel......

-speechless-