Trouble.Worried.Memories......strained Relationship

Man.......i'm goin to die sia....

My father told me to print a letter for him on Thursday. The printer got no ink so i told him that i'll print it in school on Friday. Come Friday, I totally forgot about the letter. Come Saturday, my mum reminded me abt the letter at six plus when she woke me up for prayers. She said that my dad needs it by 9 o clock. So i quickly refilled the print catridge and printed the letter. One by one i tried printing, but the ink simply refuses to come out. DEn at 7 plus, she asked for the letter.Change of plan. Dad's going out at 8. Man....i had to rush. Print after print but the ink still refuses to come out. I managed to print out a copy, but the ink is rather light. TIck tock tick tock....time's running out. My dad's already in his van outside waiting for my mum.

So, i simply gave my mum the light print. Man was she rather annoyed. She nagged and nagged about how i shouldn't leave things to the very last minute and so on. She eventually asked for a blank paper just in case my father wants to write it the conventional way-- pen and paper. Man.....we rely on technology too much. When we needed it the most, it usually fails us..

Or maybe, it's just my fault. Leaving things to the very last minute.

I have to addmit that i m feeling rather scared right now. My dad's gonna be very mad when he returns home later. Man...i hate it when this kind of things happen.

Me and my dad aren't very close. WE seldom talk to each other. I dare say that in a period of 2 years, both of us can only clock less than an hour of talking time. That's how not close the two of us are. And when i make this kind of stupid mistake.... and he ll do his scolding.... our relationship will be strained even more sia. Maybe the next time, i'll sae that in a period of 2 years, we clocked only fifteen minutes of talking time.

Haiz...rather sad lah.... but it's ok lah, i guess. It's not as if i want me and my dad to talk often. In fact, I feel very very awkward talking to my own dad....haha....It's as if he's a stranger who works very hard to earn money for my family.

Strained relationship so what? It's not as if we have been talking for the past 17 years. In my growing up years, it was me, my grandma and my auntie. My mum worked, my dad worked.So everytime, i would follow my grandma around and she would always by durian ice cream for the two of us. Durian ice cream is her favourite. WE were a great team. Haha.... So when i sleep, dad and mum return home from work. When i woke up, they had already went to work. But being a mum, she alwaes find time to interact wif me. But for a dad.....

Mum stopped working when the twins came. Coz she do not want my grandma to have too much work to raise the four of us. SO me and my mum became close....but not as close as me and my grandma. As for my dad....

-sighs heavily-

It was only recently, 5-6 years ago that dad began coming home early. By then, i was way beyond my formative years. I already knew what's good and what's bad. I knew the people I loved and the people i dun. So i guess after ard 10 years without a loving father, who needs.....

-sighs-

My dad's very close to my sister, but especially close to the twins...coz it's their formative years. As for me, I still had mum and grandma. Jealous? Nah.... who cares! i grew up in this environment. Why change? Let it remain this way!

I have to say that i love my grand ma a million times more than my mum(which i still loves dearly). But for dad..... love.....what's the meaning of love? Is it simply respect? Giving me pocketmoney?Buying me new shoes? Clothes? Bringing the family for holidays? ...

I guess not. Whenever i feel sad, i would think of Grandma. If she's at my home, i would spend time talking to her, ask her if she's eaten. Tell her i m bored...tired... Tell her i got stomach ache....Tell her about the things that happened in school... SHe would then laugh....and talk to me... give me advice... She simply listens...while lying on the bed... But i guess this won't last forever. God will take her from me. When i was a kid, i would pray to God for my Grandma to live a long and healthy life. For my mum to live a long and healthy life. For my siblings to live a long and happy life. And lastly, for my dad to live a long and healthy life. I had to put him in my prayers too..... BUt Grandma is alwaes the first person on my mind.

When she's at my auntie's house, like now, and if i feel sad.... like later, all i have to do was think about the good old days....following grandma around....looking at her cook for us...eating ice cream... den i would cry happily rather than angily at my dad. Hey guys cry too ok. haha.... It may be foolish of me to write all this down...but i guess, it's something that i'll remember 15 years down road....50 years down the roads....

I wouldn't want my kids to go through this kind of life .... i want my kids to live like other normal kids... that have both the love of a mum and a dad.......Jealous?....i guess i reallly am...

A bad start to the wkend i guess. have a pleasant wkend guys. Mine's already ruined.