determined

Finally faced Mdm Khoo(chem teacher) today. GOt 25/100 overall. Was kindof ashamed to face her lah. But after hearing what she told me, i feel very very determined to carry on and make up for lost time. Words.... they are one thing i love. Coz they are meant for u and only u. Hearing words from others... from a short hello or a hey....to words of encouragments... to motivational chat... Every single word said to me is like a gift from u....coz they were meant for me and me only (Unless its meant as a cruel joke or what lah..haha...)

WEnta my new den after skool-- the place outside the reading room. Natural light, natural wind.... silence... haha...i slept for an hour there lah...alone.... till Kim and Adib woke me up to say goodbye. DAmn nice the feeling. However, managed to do 1 or 2 mths qn before tt. I was tired. I aint gonna say i wasted time or anything like i used to. I knoe i cant really push myself too much coz there's afterall, 41 days left. I aint gonna exhaust myself too much. I kind of like the short nap i had.

Having read a couple of books abt studying and writing and all in the past, i decided to opt for a "change in environment".... the canteen. When one can't do much in Place A, one should go to other Places like Place B instead. Haha.... different air, different atmosphere... different study moods... Only 2 person in the canteen-- me and some other girl sitting some ten tables away. Did around seven maths question till 615 before i finally went home. Happy wif myself for having accomplished sthg on my own. The learning and discovery of ways to understand some maths concept was really useful to me, and i did it all on my own. There's more stuffs for me to cover....i'll speed things up as the hours go by. SElf-directed learning -- never hv it been so effective. Wished i had done this earlier but-- i hv to admit tt weak humans like me only count on the pressure put on us by time before we really do sthg bout it. WEll wat more can i say.... i'm just lousy.

Straight Fs....finally toked abt my grades on my blog. And it couldnt hv come at a better time huh?

"Along with every hardship is relief" (Quran 94:5). I'm going to go get the grades i want. 41days of hardship? Of which 30 of tis days are days of the fasting month. I simply cant believe my luck-- having to do revision amidst fasting and night prayers and having to wake up early in the morning to eat our meal and reading the quran. Cool... I'm not complaining though. I am in fact really really glad about this! With God close to me, God willing, i'll be able to do good.

One thing i realised is tt my appetite has decreased by alot this past few days. SInce monday, ive been eating very very little! Must be the effect of my results.... the "sparkle" in my eyes have sort of vanished. I hv to say tt it aint nice telling ppl u got straight Fs. I still feel rather disappointed.Though i will not make it make me feel depressed, my feeling's still gloomy nonetheless.

ANd tt "someone" i kept tokin abt... i shall stop tokin abt her frm now on. If u guys hv been guessing who she is, i hope u'll stop wondering.... like really... The more i kp mentioning this someone, or the more u ask me who she is, the less special she'll become. She's special because only i knew about her. But now, as days past and as i keep "sharing" this someone with u guys, the less special this someone has become. Thus, i shall cease to discuss on the topic of "someone" so tt she'll be like the special person she was the day she came into my life.

Well....all in all, nothing much happned in recently. Just the same boring me and the mundane stuffs i engage in. *smiles*