happy?

just got home from hari raya visiting with the malay schoolmates. Wasnt tt happy lah. Neither was i unhappy. i dunnoe lah... like outings are so not my thing. I am still so so so not used to it! How long more till i'm cool with staying out seh? The feeling of hating outings after going on outings really sucks. THe more i go out, the more i hate to go out.

I would have ended the day abit better if it wasnt for Hafiz house. I WAS EXTREMELY SCARED!! PETRIFIED!! my heart was beating very very fast. And it still is now. .... i'm lousy. Worse than girls. But first time i was so so scared. Haha.. tauhid saw right thru me lah. He said i wasnt just scared... he said it was as though i just saw the angel of Death. It was THAT bad. Maybe becoz we were in Hafiz house and he closed his door and i was standing at the corner around ppl like Tauhid and Nizar and Hafiz was there carrying his cat towards me. I WAS SCARED! Thank god hafiz sayanged me and kept his cat inside lah. Any closer... i dunnoe wat'll happen lah. Truthfully, i could have jumped out of his open window lah! 4th floor somemore... Why i'm scared of cats?? I dunnoe. It's official now -- i am scared of cats. Dun u guys do anything foolish involving me and cats. please.

Q: Hmmm.... why dun i talk much in the real world like i do in my blog?

I'll try come up wif sthg decent. I stutter wen i talk & most of e time, things dun get put across the way i want to. This, i think, makes me look as if i cant talk -- in other words, look stupid. hate tis feeling man. I cant talk as fluently as i blog. I also stutter when i talk to my mama lah. And sometimes, the more i talk, the more i dun make sense and mama may "scold" me for talking like someone who doesnt noe what he's talking about. I hate it when i kena shot for the way i talk. After i kena shot, i wun talk to her for a while lah! Talking seems to be a waste of my breath. Hmmm.... in short, i cant talk well.

Talking in front of many ppl also make me nervous. The things u say when talking to ur siblings or parents is SO NOT the things u say to ur frens. The unfamiliar or new environment is so not easy for me to blend into. Hence, it's highly unlikely to hear me talk.

I guess it's all down to lack of confidence and practice.

Cant think straight right now. So many things to write but i can seem to arrange my thoughts properly. stupid cat. I guess tts it for a whole day of outing.... nites...